College DD wants to bring BF home

[Anonymous]

my rising college senior has a new GF we haven't met. She lives near his oos campus so he's spent lots of time with his family and DS is there this summer. They've been dating less than 6 months and he wants to bring her home for Fall Break. My instinct says we need to embrace this as he seems in love with this young woman. There are some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible, but we haven't met her so I'm open-minded, and what I think doesn't really matter as I want DS to be happy and loved. I suspect by DH will hate this idea.

So what are the reasons we should get on board. Help me build out the rationale underpinning my instinct that says we need to suck it up and share our time with this person even if we might prefer not to. The only real "reason" I have to object is that younger sibling will be a first year, so this break will be their first college break home, and having an extra house guest probably isn't ideal for them.

[Anonymous]

If he’s asking this far out he probably wants to show off her baby bump so you can buy baby gifts for Christmas.

[Anonymous]

Kind of annoying to switch genders between your title and your post

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my rising college senior has a new GF we haven't met. She lives near his oos campus so he's spent lots of time with his family and DS is there this summer. They've been dating less than 6 months and he wants to bring her home for Fall Break. My instinct says we need to embrace this as he seems in love with this young woman. There are some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible, but we haven't met her so I'm open-minded, and what I think doesn't really matter as I want DS to be happy and loved. I suspect by DH will hate this idea.

So what are the reasons we should get on board. Help me build out the rationale underpinning my instinct that says we need to suck it up and share our time with this person even if we might prefer not to. The only real "reason" I have to object is that younger sibling will be a first year, so this break will be their first college break home, and having an extra house guest probably isn't ideal for them.

I'm confused by your pronouns. Do you have a daughter who is a Lesbian? Or a son who is bringing home his girlfriend? Title and what you wrote are different.

Tell your college kid you would be happy to see the girlfriend. Have a low key barbeque or dinner at your house. Make it no big deal. Your second kid will be fine. How long would she stay and where would she sleep? If you are uncomfortable them sleeping together just let them know now

[Anonymous]

Get comfortable and invite the partner with open arms and warmth. This could dictate how the rest of your life and relationship with your child goes if ends up being long term spouse.

[Anonymous]

Personally, it would be a warm and definitive yes for me for either gender. You have to just suck it up if you don’t like her.

[Anonymous]

I started dating DH before his senior year of high school. I wasn't warmly welcomed and was treated like a child. 7-15 years later when his siblings brought home girlfriends and boyfriends, they basically rolled out the red carpet and made all their favorite dishes.

You never know who your son will end up marrying, so treat them all well. Who cares that it's your younger child's first time home. Life moves on and soon there will be spouses and other children. It probably won't ever be just the 4 of you ever again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my rising college senior has a new GF we haven't met. She lives near his oos campus so he's spent lots of time with his family and DS is there this summer. They've been dating less than 6 months and he wants to bring her home for Fall Break. My instinct says we need to embrace this as he seems in love with this young woman. There are some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible, but we haven't met her so I'm open-minded, and what I think doesn't really matter as I want DS to be happy and loved. I suspect by DH will hate this idea.

So what are the reasons we should get on board. Help me build out the rationale underpinning my instinct that says we need to suck it up and share our time with this person even if we might prefer not to. The only real "reason" I have to object is that younger sibling will be a first year, so this break will be their first college break home, and having an extra house guest probably isn't ideal for them.

No one is forcing you to have her but if you care about him, welcome her. Your reluctance, biased assumptions and excuses aren't facts, just anxious chatter in your mind.

[Anonymous]

I'd be welcoming and allow it.

[Anonymous]

If you say yes, you better be warm and welcoming not cold and judgmental as your post indicates you are. You only have one chance to make an impression on her. If this does go the distance, and she marries him, she will remember how you treated her. Trust me.

If you can’t hack that kind of welcoming environment just say no. Make up any reason you want for your son. Too soon. Not comfortable with it. Whatever.

[Anonymous]

I got married at 23. You don't think an adult is allowed to date and have their SO meet their family, and stay at the family home? With your sort of rationale, there will NEVER be a good time for your kids to show you their girlfriend or boyfriend. Would you rather force your child to choose: what would you do if your kid chooses not to come home because they prefer spending time with their SO somewhere else?

This is the kind of thing you need to talk through with your husband, when he starts grumbling.

[Anonymous]

I would be thrilled if my college age kids wanted to bring home BF/GF. I don’t assume that relationships at this age you’re going to be for the duration (though one never knows.) But more importantly if they have decided that this person is important enough that they would like us to get to know them, and them to know is, then of course I’d want to do that

[Anonymous]

Fix your pronouns.

[Anonymous]

Be thankful that your kid found someone and wants you to meet them. Finding a life partner is a better determinator of future health and happiness than career success or almost anything else. Do you wanna be the parent who is difficult when this was on the table and then 10 years from now your kid is still single with no sign of anyone new on the horizon and resenting you for it? Put aside your nostalgia over having your kids all to yourself - be joyful for them that they are actually exploring this key milestone in their lives.

[Anonymous]

It's sad you feel the need to crowdsource this. Your hesitancy and judgement will be the undoing of your adult to adult relationship with your son. Of course you welcome his girlfriend with open arms. Say no, and don't be surprised when your son has other plans come fall break. Then the next thing you know he's interviewing for jobs overseas or the other side of the country. What are the issues that are red flags for you? I hope for your sake it's not about the girlfriend's race, religion, financial status or her parents' marital status. But something tells me it is precisely one of those things.