College DD wants to bring BF home

[Anonymous]

Define the "some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible" if you really want honest advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my rising college senior has a new GF we haven't met. She lives near his oos campus so he's spent lots of time with his family and DS is there this summer. They've been dating less than 6 months and he wants to bring her home for Fall Break. My instinct says we need to embrace this as he seems in love with this young woman. There are some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible, but we haven't met her so I'm open-minded, and what I think doesn't really matter as I want DS to be happy and loved. I suspect by DH will hate this idea.

So what are the reasons we should get on board. Help me build out the rationale underpinning my instinct that says we need to suck it up and share our time with this person even if we might prefer not to. The only real "reason" I have to object is that younger sibling will be a first year, so this break will be their first college break home, and having an extra house guest probably isn't ideal for them.

Get.Over.It. And when she's there, be welcoming. Your precious baby boy seems to love her so, barring abuse or something horrible, you best make your peace with her.

[Anonymous]

I would be fine if my kid brings this girl home…honestly I wouldn’t even necessarily think it was super serious.

[Anonymous]

Be happy they want you to know who they are dating. Make your child know their friends are always welcome.

[Anonymous]

My son's GF has stayed with us multiple times, including a whole week last Christmas. They are both 22 and just got an apartment together (both in grad school now). It never occurred to me to judge her "compatibility" before (or after) I got to know her - she's not MY girfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful that your kid found someone and wants you to meet them. Finding a life partner is a better determinator of future health and happiness than career success or almost anything else. Do you wanna be the parent who is difficult when this was on the table and then 10 years from now your kid is still single with no sign of anyone new on the horizon and resenting you for it? Put aside your nostalgia over having your kids all to yourself - be joyful for them that they are actually exploring this key milestone in their lives.

This^. Read relationship and family forums to learn what not to do.

[Anonymous]

I think it's odd that you would consider saying no to this. You should be curious and want to get to know her. When I was that age, I was always welcome at my boyfriend's houses and vice versa. My parents were like, whatev.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Define the "some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible" if you really want honest advice.

This^. Which things? Race? Religion? Social class? Horoscope? Blood type? Height? BMI? GPA?

[Anonymous]

I’d suggest they get a hotel.

[Anonymous]

His family has welcomed your child, so it would look pretty bad if you refused the visit. In fact your child might choose not to come home, in principle.

You can’t control who your child dates. If they come for a visit, at least you could check them out.

(And I don’t believe you have an open mind, because you said they don’t sound compatible. And you are not welcoming his special person. That will likely be embarrassing for him. )

[Anonymous]

Talked to DH and younger sib and we are all on board. Warm invitation has been issued. Your points above were helpful in helping me guide DH in transitioning from a “my house, my rules” mindset to one that works for adult children and fosters good relationships for this new era.

[Anonymous]

If you want to see your kid, you need to make her feel welcome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define the "some things we know about her that suggest they may not be compatible" if you really want honest advice.

This^. Which things? Race? Religion? Social class? Horoscope? Blood type? Height? BMI? GPA?

This. But also, it really doesn't matter if *you* think they are incompatible. It's what they think that matters.

What would your husband's problem be with it?

[Anonymous]

You can't say no. Have an open mind, be a gracious host, and keep any negative opinions about her to yourself.

[Anonymous]

He/Him, She/Her, Them/They or It/It?

Why are you switching genders?