Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:The cliché is not that people ask this question. People ask the question other places too. But the part that is unique to DC is watching their little brain calculate your approximate level of power and influence and then decide how nice to be to you and how much time to spend talking to you based on how you rank. That part does not happen elsewhere. You can watch people's eyes kind of light up when they view you as connected or professionally useful or you can watch them dim if they deem you insufficiently important to matter to them. It's creepy and weird especially in random social settings like a child's birthday party or a doctor's office.
It's obviously not everyone in DC but there are so many myopically careerist people here and I don't think they even recognize how messed up this is. It bothered me less when I was younger but the older I get and especially as I raise kids in this area the more gross it is to me. I hate it regardless of which way the assessment goes -- it feels bad to be dismissed as insufficiently useful to someone but it actually feels worse to be identified as an opportunity because you know their interst in you has nothing at all to do with who you are as a person. I find it especially disturbing in parent circles when I can tell someone is pursuing playdates with us because they want to develop a professional contact and not because they actually care about the kids having fun or whatever.
Anyway I know even complaining about this is cliché but it's really true and I was at a neighborhood function tonight where it was on aggressive display and it just made me sad.
I like the rollercoaster of emotions I see in my interlocutor's eyes when I tell him/her I have two advanced degrees - JD and PhD from Ivy Leagues and worked an impressive big name job but plan to be a full time SAHM when my second comes. And yes, I did not volunteer the information, it was mined out of me. Some literally short circuits and I can see the confusion in their face as they assess if I'm worthy of continued conversation or not.
I have a similar situation. I have a law degree from a top school and worked in two very high profile places post law school but then downshifted and work in a different field and am mostly focused on parenting and some hobbies and just do a flexible job for money but there is little to no prestige and I can't offer anyone networking opportunities. It's funny to me when friends or family will introduce me to people while mentioning "she's a lawyer" or "she went to XYZ" because they know it will impress that person and then they talk to me and I'm like "mostly I'm into backpacking and also I read a lot about children's nutrition because I have a picky eater" I can tell that they are internally debating whether it is worth it to pretend like they care about children or camping in the hopes that I could maybe introduce them to someone from my old life who could help them out.
But literally I just do not care. I guess I could help people get into my alma mater or work for one of my former employers as I still have lots of contacts both places but it's just not important to me to help a total stranger in that way because I don't even think those things are that impressive or interesting -- that's why I left! I'm just not invested in that world at all. The one thing I would do is sit down and talk with someone interested in that career path if they wanted to know what it was like but I'd preface it with "look I didn't like it that much so I'm more of a test of how interested you actually are because I only have some mild praise for the whole thing and that's mostly for the advantages of making pretty good money right out of grad school to pay off loans and create a nest egg so that you can go do something else with your life." But that is not what most people want to hear.
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