The DC cliché: "so what do you do?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this question was much more common when I was in my 20/30s attending happy hours and what not. Now in my early 40s, I can't remember the last time I was asked. I've known several parents of my kids' friends for years now and truly have no idea what they do.

Same. Maybe it’s because I don’t go to random events with random people anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually this question is a bit passe now. People will do their best to avoid asking about work, and if they must eventually bring it up they find a different way to do it. They still care about your connections, but they don't want to appear to care.

Right. “So, do you work around here?” “Are you in school?” that kind of thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this question was much more common when I was in my 20/30s attending happy hours and what not. Now in my early 40s, I can't remember the last time I was asked. I've known several parents of my kids' friends for years now and truly have no idea what they do.

I feel this way too. Definitely common in my 20s when most people I was meeting were also new transplants who came here for a job. It was mostly small talk, and not really unique to this area. Now in my 30s with kids, we have other default conversation starters. I don't talk about work much at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live EOTP (not Capitol Hill) and don’t get this question. Like, ever.

I live on the hill and get it all the time and it's boring AF. Another thing people do is discuss other people's jobs a lot which is so boring. "Did you know so and so on F street is a partner at Big Law firm? Did you know Jimmy's classmate's mom used to work for Kamala? Did you know the Thompsons who we ran into at such and such both work for the post?" Like... no I didn't and I don't work in those industries so I don't really care? Also even if someone has an interesting job doesn't make them interesting to talk about. I might enjoy talking to a journalist about her work but I don't enjoy talking to my awestruck neighbor about how cool he thinks it is that said journalist has appeared on MSNBC.

But most people in DC have dull jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this question was much more common when I was in my 20/30s attending happy hours and what not. Now in my early 40s, I can't remember the last time I was asked. I've known several parents of my kids' friends for years now and truly have no idea what they do.

Same. Maybe it’s because I don’t go to random events with random people anymore.

Agree. I think this stopped being a question around the time people start having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like this question was much more common when I was in my 20/30s attending happy hours and what not. Now in my early 40s, I can't remember the last time I was asked. I've known several parents of my kids' friends for years now and truly have no idea what they do.

Same. Maybe it’s because I don’t go to random events with random people anymore.

I feel like being a parent throws me together with a lot of random people. Some ask this question and some don't. I sometimes ask as a form of small talk but only to help find a topic of conversation, not because I'm trying to network.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live EOTP (not Capitol Hill) and don’t get this question. Like, ever.

I live on the hill and get it all the time and it's boring AF. Another thing people do is discuss other people's jobs a lot which is so boring. "Did you know so and so on F street is a partner at Big Law firm? Did you know Jimmy's classmate's mom used to work for Kamala? Did you know the Thompsons who we ran into at such and such both work for the post?" Like... no I didn't and I don't work in those industries so I don't really care? Also even if someone has an interesting job doesn't make them interesting to talk about. I might enjoy talking to a journalist about her work but I don't enjoy talking to my awestruck neighbor about how cool he thinks it is that said journalist has appeared on MSNBC.

But most people in DC have dull jobs.

You won't get to talk to a journalist about their work, they are too busy throwing questions at you out of habit. I once was at a party where I was the only non-journalist there and I felt like a pile of fresh meat in a pack of hyenas.

[Anonymous]

I feel like this depends on who you associate with. This literally never happens to me, but I don't run in fancy circles. We sometimes commiserate over commutes, but I don't know what my kid's friends parents do (except the one who is a teacher at the school, lol).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, this a part of why we moved out of the area. We also experienced people perceiving us as some sort of "power couple" and wanting to be friends with us because of that. Meanwhile my best friend is a bartender and DH's best friends are a guy in marketing and an electrician. Different value systems.

This was us too. It's like people were always trying to calculate how they could use our positions for their benefit. We're now in the midwest and I think exactly 2 people have asked what I do in the 3 years we've been here.

[Anonymous]

We live on the Hill and we don’t get much of this. After years of chatting with neighbors and going to block parties I still don’t know what most of them do.

When we lived in flyover country sometimes we’d meet people who would ask what church we attended and immediately lose interest if it wasn’t the right one, so I guess there are snobs and bores everywhere.

[Anonymous]

People are so ridiculous about this. What's the big deal. I ask because people are generally interesting here. It's get a conversation started. It's not just so you can see how important they are.

I lived in Charlotte, people asked where you went to church. In Ohio, people ask where you went to high school.

We don't have those types of local connections. What am I supposed to ask? I don't go to church, my kids are grown. Am I supposed to ask about your favorite bar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live EOTP (not Capitol Hill) and don’t get this question. Like, ever.

I live on the hill and get it all the time and it's boring AF. Another thing people do is discuss other people's jobs a lot which is so boring. "Did you know so and so on F street is a partner at Big Law firm? Did you know Jimmy's classmate's mom used to work for Kamala? Did you know the Thompsons who we ran into at such and such both work for the post?" Like... no I didn't and I don't work in those industries so I don't really care? Also even if someone has an interesting job doesn't make them interesting to talk about. I might enjoy talking to a journalist about her work but I don't enjoy talking to my awestruck neighbor about how cool he thinks it is that said journalist has appeared on MSNBC.

But most people in DC have dull jobs.

I definitely don't think people have dull jobs here. I am amazed at the jobs sometimes. It's just a conversation starter. It's different if someone is clout chasing and mentions that so and so is a big law partner. That's not what we are talking about. Just generally, what would the first question be, especially if you don't have kids or are just out at a get together?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The cliché is not that people ask this question. People ask the question other places too. But the part that is unique to DC is watching their little brain calculate your approximate level of power and influence and then decide how nice to be to you and how much time to spend talking to you based on how you rank. That part does not happen elsewhere. You can watch people's eyes kind of light up when they view you as connected or professionally useful or you can watch them dim if they deem you insufficiently important to matter to them. It's creepy and weird especially in random social settings like a child's birthday party or a doctor's office.

It's obviously not everyone in DC but there are so many myopically careerist people here and I don't think they even recognize how messed up this is. It bothered me less when I was younger but the older I get and especially as I raise kids in this area the more gross it is to me. I hate it regardless of which way the assessment goes -- it feels bad to be dismissed as insufficiently useful to someone but it actually feels worse to be identified as an opportunity because you know their interst in you has nothing at all to do with who you are as a person. I find it especially disturbing in parent circles when I can tell someone is pursuing playdates with us because they want to develop a professional contact and not because they actually care about the kids having fun or whatever.

Anyway I know even complaining about this is cliché but it's really true and I was at a neighborhood function tonight where it was on aggressive display and it just made me sad.

What planet do y'all live on that nobody outside of the District sizes you up by your and your spouse's profession, college degree(s), where precisely your house is (if not also where you summer!), and what schools your kids attend? We're in the Midwest for a wedding and that's absolutely a thing here, too. People really don't even have to ask anymore, as it's all on Google these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Actually this question is a bit passe now. People will do their best to avoid asking about work, and if they must eventually bring it up they find a different way to do it. They still care about your connections, but they don't want to appear to care.

Because there's no need to ask. Creepers discreetly search someone's name on Google and LinkedIn in two seconds.

[Anonymous]

I don't get this question that much (similar to many PPs, I'm a parent EOTP but not Capitol Hill). And when I do, I'd say it's like 75% just making conversation, and maybe 25% "networking". It's easy for me to ignore, and it says more about them than it does me.

I see it as one pretty innocuous downside of living here.