Husband’s spending out of control

[Anonymous]

You never know what people’s real financial situation is. They could be up to their ears in debt, they could be trust finders with millions you’ll never see. Ostentatious displays of wealth scream insecurity.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like me 20 years ago. My ex had to get the best of everything. We had a decent income but he always wanted everything that was just a bit out of reach. He wouldn’t listen to me. But I think deep down inside I wanted it too - while I was nervous I also went along with it “hoping things would work out”. Now we are divorced and we both had to file bankruptcy after 20 years of living on the edge. So many regrets. Sounds like he’s controlling , like my ex, who also dictated which luxury car I would drive even when I said it wasn’t important to me. Good luck. This could get worse if you aren’t able to communicate and discipline yourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to get him to agree that now that you've had a baby it's time for the two of you to review your budget and spending. Diapers cost a lot, for example. What are the two of you NOT going to buy so you can allocate money towards diapers?

If you can get him on board with seeing "here are all the things we NEED to spend money on" and compare that to how much is coming in, he'll be more likely to get on board with "here is how much we can spend on WANTS".

If you have to invest in a meeting with a financial advisor, do that. If you have to pursue friendships with people who are a little more humble in their spending habits, do that.

OP here. We can afford basic and some luxury expenses. I just worry if will why out of hand.

I do admit I buy the most expensive diaper and wipes but that’s a preference for me.

You are ok with your luxury spending but not with his?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.

OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.

The car is. The house isn’t.

You’ll thank your husband when that house will be worth $3m in a couple of years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.

OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.

In this region it is middle class.

It's middle class

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it matters if you HHi is like $400k or $750k.

OP here. Our combined salaries change a bit with bonus but usually gross $390ish.

We live comfortably but I don’t feel like we have money like that.

Our friends all make 500k +

Yeah, you cannot afford to live like that. Why does he feel the need to do all this? I’m sure his guy friends will take zero notice to your baby nursery furniture and the baby nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.

OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.

You make $390k and bought a $1.8M house? Lol Do you guys save anything at all?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could not live with a man with this character flaw. Someone who must keep up with the Jones has deep rooted mental problems. The kind that would lead to affairs, for example. I would have serious misgivings about raising a child with him, short of his agreement to get mental health help.

I agree. This is a pretty big character flaw and it is likely going to sink you into a hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.

OP here. A $50k car isn’t middle class. A $1.8m house isn’t middle class. That’s a lot of money.

In this region it is middle class.

Pretty sure my Honda minivan was around 50k new. Cars are expensive

[Anonymous]

You are going to be in real trouble soon. Expenses are only going to go up from here. Childcare cost is $$$ and it sounds like you just have a baby for now. Are you having more kids? Planning on staying home for any amount of time (it gets very hard to have to full time working parents with more than two kids)? Then there is private school which is very expensive in the DMV and all the association kids sports, activities, tutors, music lessons, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could not live with a man with this character flaw. Someone who must keep up with the Jones has deep rooted mental problems. The kind that would lead to affairs, for example. I would have serious misgivings about raising a child with him, short of his agreement to get mental health help.

51 yo man here. This is the best response to this thread! I can give a S**t what other people have, including my friends. We have a lot of money (probably more than any friends by a large margin) but will still buy regular cars (e.g., Honda) and drive them for at least 10 years before getting a new one (provided they are still in decent shape). I have a few fancy outfits for special occasions, but other than that nothing super expensive. There are many other examples. You would never know that we have money, although I think maybe one or two people are getting suspicious because we have been a bit generous lately. I also happen to be fiercely loyal to my beautiful wife so maybe there is a correlation there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

babymoon: a trip or vacation taken by a couple shortly before the birth of a child

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

babymoon: a trip or vacation taken by a couple shortly before the birth of a child

who's watching the newborn?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

babymoon: a trip or vacation taken by a couple shortly before the birth of a child

who's watching the newborn?

sorry misread it disregard