Husband’s spending out of control

[Anonymous]

My husband I have a small friends group with some high earners. We do well for ourselves, but not as well as the other couples. My husband has been trying to “keep up with the joneses”, causing concern for me. His spending is still within our budget, but I do worry it will become out of hand soon. We just became parents and this is the time to solidify our financial future and that of our child. My husband still seems more interested in keeping up with appearances. I’m growing increasingly frustrated with him but I’m not sure what I can do. The things I’ve tried haven’t worked.

[Anonymous]

If he is within the budget, I don’t see a problem.

If you want/need to rework the budget, that’s a different conversation to have with him.

[Anonymous]

Examples?

[Anonymous]

OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

So change your budget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband I have a small friends group with some high earners. We do well for ourselves, but not as well as the other couples. My husband has been trying to “keep up with the joneses”, causing concern for me. His spending is still within our budget, but I do worry it will become out of hand soon. We just became parents and this is the time to solidify our financial future and that of our child. My husband still seems more interested in keeping up with appearances. I’m growing increasingly frustrated with him but I’m not sure what I can do. The things I’ve tried haven’t worked.

Some examples would help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

can’t

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

So change your budget.

OP here. I can’t change a budget when he won’t follow one.

OP here. I cant’t change a budget if he won’t follow one.

[Anonymous]

You need to get him to agree that now that you've had a baby it's time for the two of you to review your budget and spending. Diapers cost a lot, for example. What are the two of you NOT going to buy so you can allocate money towards diapers?

If you can get him on board with seeing "here are all the things we NEED to spend money on" and compare that to how much is coming in, he'll be more likely to get on board with "here is how much we can spend on WANTS".

If you have to invest in a meeting with a financial advisor, do that. If you have to pursue friendships with people who are a little more humble in their spending habits, do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

So change your budget.

OP here. I can’t change a budget when he won’t follow one.

OP here. I cant’t change a budget if he won’t follow one.

Im confused. Do you know what a budget is? You’ve said he has stayed within yours but also he won’t follow one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to get him to agree that now that you've had a baby it's time for the two of you to review your budget and spending. Diapers cost a lot, for example. What are the two of you NOT going to buy so you can allocate money towards diapers?

If you can get him on board with seeing "here are all the things we NEED to spend money on" and compare that to how much is coming in, he'll be more likely to get on board with "here is how much we can spend on WANTS".

If you have to invest in a meeting with a financial advisor, do that. If you have to pursue friendships with people who are a little more humble in their spending habits, do that.

OP here. We can afford basic and some luxury expenses. I just worry if will why out of hand.

I do admit I buy the most expensive diaper and wipes but that’s a preference for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

So change your budget.

OP here. I can’t change a budget when he won’t follow one.

OP here. I cant’t change a budget if he won’t follow one.

Im confused. Do you know what a budget is? You’ve said he has stayed within yours but also he won’t follow one.

OP here. I do. You said to change the budget. I said that’s hard to do when he won’t follow one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. It is within budget but it’s still concerning.

We bought a large expensive home that all of our friends bought. I would have been happier with a smaller home but he had to have all the bells and whistles.

Our friends have a certain car and he bought me a new one. Again, I would have gone with a cheaper car.

We had to have the same nursery furniture, a PT newborn care specialist, a baby moon, etc.

He buys the most expensive food and alcohol when we have parties.

We had to have multiple expensive baby items.

We have to eat at pricey restaurants like our friends do.

Our friends make more than us. We can sustain this level of purchasing with multiple kids, childcare, private schools, etc.

What’s the problem? This sounds like a normal upper middle class life.

[Anonymous]

Can you try to focus on long range financial goals with him?

[Anonymous]

I think it matters if you HHi is like $400k or $750k.