21-year-old not home or answering calls or texts...what would you do?
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Anonymous
It is her grown ass adult though, so she's allowed to worry. |
Anonymous
Many are pointing out it makes sense to worry but texting him on his 21st and then working into a panic is over the top. |
Anonymous
| He either is passed out or is getting his knob shined. Perhaps both. I understand the impulse to worry, but odds are he'll be fine. I'm sure his friends are not expecting him to drive on his birthday. |
Anonymous
| Omg. I celebrated my21st bday with my boyfriend in Vegas. In no way was I thinking of calling my parents. |
Anonymous
| 21?? And he is expecting a call from his mommy in the middle of the night? Hahahaha! |
Anonymous
You don't understand the difference between being away on a planned trip with someone versus telling the person you live with you'd be home that night? I don't care if it was my 60-year-old mother; if she said she'd be home that night and didn't show up, I'd be worried. |
Anonymous
Agree. The worry would be his social development if he didn't stay out all night. |
Anonymous
You sound somewhat sleazy TBH. Celebrating your 31st birthday like a 35 year old? Not sure you should be giving out parenting advice. |
Anonymous
Phew. I would have panicked as well. It's the fact they're home, have gone out and aren't responding, like you said. I don't panic when my college kid doesn't respond at college, because somehow our relationship is different when he's not living under my roof. So I completely understand! |
Anonymous
You shouldn't be doing anything but studying Maryland's new literacy curriculum for 3rd graders. |
Anonymous
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It's ok to be worried as a parent, OP.
Someone will always say something negative. Then, when something happens, those people will be the same ones saying "don't you know where your kids are at all times?!" |
Anonymous
It’s not comparable - don’t be dense. I doubt OP tracks her kid when he is at college or away from home; that’s apples and oranges. I don’t track my son either who is my firstborn and extremely conscientious and responsible, but when he’s home for the summer and is expected home at a certain time, I worry - especially because it’s not his norm to not give me a heads up. He’s free to stay out all night or crash wherever, but generally he would tell me because he doesn’t want us to worry. I also would worry if my DH didn’t come home at the expected time, or my elderly mother. It’s common courtesy to let family members know if you’ll be later than expected. To act like this is an anomaly or that OP is being unreasonable is ridiculous - maybe PPs are just looking for any excuse to sh*t on someone. |
Anonymous
| Just to add / I actually did post here one night when I could not reach my DH. People were surprisingly supportive and gave good feedback. |
Anonymous
Not OP but when my kids became teens I became a very anxious person. I hate it. I do a lot of deep breathing and self talk to stay calm. I refuse to self medicate with Wine or meds... |
Anonymous
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OP, just a general rule that I use. If your young adult does not come home at night, then you send a text asking them to let you know if/when they are not coming home that night. Don't panic or do anything else (other than worry, which most parents can't help), until the morning. After the hour that they normally get up, if they haven't checked back in, you can send another note. Wait at least 3-4 hours after they normally get up, if they have not responded, then you can start reaching out to check on where they might be. Check in with friends they may have been with, places that they may have gone. Wait at least 24 hours after the last time you saw them before you call hospitals, police, etc.
Not saying you should do any of these things, but just trying to give you some ideas of time frame to start checking up on them, if you are worried and anxious and want to do these things. |