help my kid learn to be nicer on text

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, thank you for starting this tread. I also turn to DCUM once in a while to hear different views.
I check my child’s messages once in a while. I have just found out that my DD was unkind (to say it mildly) to another child. There were several mean messages between the kids on a group chat, and my child escalated by sending a direct message with religious insults.

I feel defeated as a parent. We had a long chat with DD to point to her actions underlining the importance of knowing when to walk away from a discussion.

I reached out to child’s parents and apologized on behalf of our family.

I am at a loss what else to do…

So, she made antisemitic remarks in writing and the only consequence was a “long chat?” Gee, it’s surprising she’s a brat.

Start with taking that phone—for at least a year. And an extremely strict grounding. A visit to the Holocaust Museum. She can read Night and The Book Thief and watch Schindler’s List for a start.

[Anonymous]

…and it is interesting to see how biased some DCUM replies are. No, it was not antisemitism.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:…and it is interesting to see how biased some DCUM replies are. No, it was not antisemitism.

Doesn’t change that she has no business having a phone.

What religion?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your daughter is not mature enough for a phone. I would suggest you take it away for a few months - or ant least one month, which will seem really long to her. And during that time you talk about appropriate texting. And drive it into her head that once a text is out there it lasts forever. Sometimes it helps to talk through scenarios of how should would feel if the texts she sent were about her. Tell her to always takes 2 minutes to think about a potential response and what it could mean. How will she feel if it is repeated. Remind her not responding is always a good option.

Then, return the phone with the rule that you get to see her texts. And if they are mean or inappropriate, she loses the phone again.

Yes, she could just let her learn the hard way, but this could also destroy her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, thank you for starting this tread. I also turn to DCUM once in a while to hear different views.
I check my child’s messages once in a while. I have just found out that my DD was unkind (to say it mildly) to another child. There were several mean messages between the kids on a group chat, and my child escalated by sending a direct message with religious insults.

I feel defeated as a parent. We had a long chat with DD to point to her actions underlining the importance of knowing when to walk away from a discussion.

I reached out to child’s parents and apologized on behalf of our family.

I am at a loss what else to do…

So, she made antisemitic remarks in writing and the only consequence was a “long chat?” Gee, it’s surprising she’s a brat.

Start with taking that phone—for at least a year. And an extremely strict grounding. A visit to the Holocaust Museum. She can read Night and The Book Thief and watch Schindler’s List for a start.

I'm a jewish parent and a grandchild of a holocaust survivor. Please don't do any of the above.

1. Kids at these age have impulse control, not an excuse - but a fact.
2. That level of grounding for a teen will actually solidify their feelings towards jewish people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:…and it is interesting to see how biased some DCUM replies are. No, it was not antisemitism.

Doesn’t change that she has no business having a phone.

What religion?

Shouldn't matter - there should be some punishment, but not the extreme year long one posted above.