help my kid learn to be nicer on text
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Anonymous
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Alright I confirmed she’s going to take a lon break from all this texting and FTing. Her group of friends were on and off, so that there was some group communicating all day today.
I brought it up. It helped for me to start with that some of it’s a gray area, but it’s a pattern I don’t like at all. She admitted a couple pieces of that bad behavior, that aren’t terrible. But not good. She seemed to take to heart the notion of not putting into writing (or text) comments that you wouldn’t want grandma to see, or on the front page of the paper. I’ll continue these conversations. She seemed upset at the end that I’m telling her that she’s a bad friend. I said, “no, but it’s possible if you keep it up, you could alienate 10 friends all at once. You can learn it by living it, or I’m trying to help you prevent this.” |
Anonymous
Sock puppet. I’m out man. You don’t know me. Stop bullying other people online. It’s not working. Typical dcum. Haven’t been on here in 6 months for good reason. |
Anonymous
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Just because I need help with texting, I know that sounds immature, but it’s a reality that my kid faces in 2024.
She’s my first kid. I often need help with her and new territory. I took the good advice offered here, but I’m out as soon as people who don’t know me attempt to insult me. -op. |
Anonymous
OP what you're describing is pretty common for kids with ADHD. They respond too quickly. The challenge with this age is that they don't want to hear texting advice from their parents. What happened after her friend saw her texts and said, "no Larla!" Did she understand or listen? |
Anonymous
Ask Jeff if I'm a sock puppet or not. Nobody is bullying you. |
Anonymous
In that case, the friend was sitting next to her in our car. The friend saw it being typed, but DD listened and hit backspace. Never sent it. It was sad we had to intervene like that. It was a larger group text (ugh) and it would have been embarrassing for dd to have acted unkindly in front of everyone. I think that’s the tough spot nowadays. Kids have been taught for ages to be kind. Now whether or not they are taught to be kind, not everyone is. There is toxic behavior online. Kids walk into that with strong armor, ready to battle. I’ve said it’s uncharacteristic for my child. It’s an online thing 
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Anonymous
So someone posts a vulnerability in their parenting, and your thought (and someone else too) is to insult them. How does it help me to call me immature? Or are you not here to help fellow moms? |
Anonymous
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What's her standing in the group?
Is she secure in her friend group? Sometimes those who feel on the fringes feel like they have to bring "fresh meat" to the group to secure their standing. |
Anonymous
| Op, you seem a little naive. Your daughter sounds like a gossip. Sending a picture of someone's girlfriend to the group text. About to text the group chat insinuating someone likes someone else. You need to address that behavior, not "oh it's the fault of technology and texting". |
Anonymous
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My kid with ADHD is the same. And thinks she somehow needs to reply to *every* message in the group chat. I tell her that's annoying but I think she needs to hear it directly from the friend.
There must be some YouTube tutorials! |
Anonymous
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Answering the last 3 responses (thank you). I’d say she feels secure. I can tell on the largest group who doesn’t feel secure.
Maybe she feels too secure. She usually hangs back, she knows to avoid mass texting a group. I could see her having adhd undiagnosed. 7th grade was the first year (this last year) that I considered it. Is that a time it shows up in girls? There’s some boy-girl rivalry that she gets involved with. She has a “boyfriend.” They’re one of two couples. They don’t really date but they text. She’s calmer and easier communicating with him. The boy-girl stuff I think she is willing to make fun of some boys, they are really really mean to everybody on the group chat even though they are all friends. … but it crossed the line when she re-sent the picture of a girl from another school. I made her think about what it’s like in that girl’s shoes. Not fair to this other girl, that just because he sent the photo, my dd went and shared it with her group of girlfriends. It’s all obviously not good. Why I hopped on today to ask. I was afraid of addressing specifically because I was trying to save my lectures for bigger future issues. BUT I am glad I spoke up to her this afternoon. I’ll keep looking out for any resources for parents to talk about this with kids. One last note, I’m also afraid because kids of this generation sense that we do not understand. Maybe we do, maybe we don’t. But I’m defensive and ready that she will write me off on this topic. Thanks again. Glad I posted, glad I spoke with her. |
Anonymous
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Mom of 18yo daughter here -- I remember her telling me about my friend's 14yo who had just gotten on text, Snapchat and Instagram and was making what were --from her perspective-- mistakes. She said "He's in social media potty-training and the s&*t is going everywhere. He'll learn to contain it eventually, though." Sounds like that's what's happening with your daughter?
It's good you're doing what you can (as an old person lol) to try to help with this potty-training. Your fears that she will alienate friends are legitimate, but it sounds like she has some friends who can model whatever proper texting behavior is for their age (I readily admit I have zero clue). At this same stage I was constantly giving my kids the (not) Mark Twain quote about remaining silent and being thought a fool vs speaking and removing all doubt. It got in for my son... my daughter is TBD... |
Anonymous
| You are way too involved, OP. |
Anonymous
Ok sure—your kid is a calm peacemaker except when she’s a massively immature s-stirrer. |
Anonymous
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This isn’t intended to be mean or trollish but I’ll be honest - You seem very impulsive in your responses here on this thread yourself. Reactive. Perhaps she gets that from you? I have adhd and when in the wrong mood can be rather thoughtless in my responses too. My best friend is more hyperactive adhd than me and oh boy some stuff she says on text …
You could have her read her responses outloud after sending (or before preferably ) and see if that gives her food for thought. If she will engage with that process with you which she likely won’t. I’d let her face the consequences - she wil learn after a few fights and lose friendships. The more you read of her messages the more you will get worked up. Spot check every couple weeks instead and limit her time on it. |