help my kid learn to be nicer on text
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Anonymous
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Kid-approved resource for advice on texting? Here’s the issue I some help with.
My new 13yo was given a phone. She is the last friend to get on board. Maybe they’ve all learned in the last year or two—gotten over the immature texting and FT—but she is perhaps behind the curve. She’s causing a little bit of drama just with the way she replies online. Fast. Not thinking. I think it’s like us when we all used to be on AIM in the late 90s. But, nowadays there are screenshots. Or if a guy (friend) sends a picture of his girlfriend, now my dd is stupid and is sharing that around her group of friends. Etc It’s all dumb. But it’s made dumber by her not realizing she may be alienating some friends by not being CHILL. Again, maybe they’ve had time to get through this stupid stuff and chill out a little. She’s taking a break now. None of it is so bad that she needs to suffer consequences (saving punishment for real issues). But I need a resource (you tube video?) that addresses the need to chill out on text, calm down, think before you text, drama isn’t funny. She isn’t normally drama seeking. And I don’t think it’s intentional. Me being redundant, she’s excited by this new comm tool and not realizing the consequences. Screenshots. People maybe having a “side” group text without you and talking about you…. |
Anonymous
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I will say the culture at her age is “burns.” She can dish them right back at people.
*I really dislike* this is her life, but she couldn’t just go around school being nice all the time. There are some “toxic” people and words she does stand up against. A boy called girls (not her) a h** and she blocked him. These are all pretty nice kids. Too much courage on the keyboard. If it sounds like this is all bad parenting, bad schools, or my kid is bad. This is real life and it’s par for the course entering 8th grade in 2024. You and I would be no different. 
-OP |
Anonymous
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You both sound really immature and it sounds like your daughter loves to create drama.
And I have a 14 and 16 year old and they have no texting drama. |
Anonymous
| You make a good point that it's a learning experience despite being so painful for a mom to witness. I see the same at our kids' schools. |
Anonymous
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One more example. I drove her and a best friend around the other day. They were both texting the same group chat.
Well, I can tell my DD is about to have zero chill, zero time to think. And start texting someone back a comment insinuating someone in the group likes someone else. (It may be true but doesn’t need to be hinted). DD thought she was being vague enough. Ugh. No. I couldn’t see the texts (because I am driving). But I can tell she’s saying aloud what she’s typing. And her friend starts to say, “no Larla!” I can tell it’s bad idea to just type and hit send. At least think about it. At least confer with your friend sitting next to you. At least.. don’t get in people’s business. Just don’t say anything! No one is asking you. Dd is about to hit send, and both me and the friend are saying “no larla! Nooo.” She deleted, didn’t send. But I’m suggesting that even her friend is telling her to quiet down. This isn’t my kid usually I have a feeling she can learn the hard way and alienate 10 friends as once. **Or if you have a suggestion for a way for her to see the light, I’d appreciate it.
If it keeps going, I am going to take the phone for a time. As I said, she’s going to take a break this afternoon. She hasn’t done anything “wrong.” It’s very contextual and gray about her causing drama. |
Anonymous
| I taught my kid not to put anything in text you wouldn't want your grandma, rabbi or principal to see. I also told her there's nothing I'll say behind someone's back that I wouldn't say to their face. It didn't stop her from cursing but it did stop her from fast reactions. |
Anonymous
No. You don’t know me. At all. And I’m saying my dd does not cause drama. She is the opposite. She’s usually a peacemaker with friends, stands up against some awful kids. I think texting is bringing it out, it’s unintentional, and she doesn’t get the big picture yet. |
Anonymous
Thank you. |
Anonymous
I have the same philosophy. I want to say this. Knowing her relationship with me, she won’t take it to heart even though it’s premium life advice. We can all use this reminder. I’ll see if I can find anyone else but me suggesting this online…. |
Anonymous
| People have given good advice, but I do hope you discussed with her how inappropriate it is to share a picture of someone else with others. |
Anonymous
Yea at the very least I need to ask her to not screenshot conversations, people while FTing, and not re-send a picture that a guy sent to her. Just a normal picture, not scandalous. But we use Bark, and I’m getting alerts frequently. (It does have settings currently that alert me more frequently than not.) |
Anonymous
Doesn't matter if it was a normal picture or not. I'm sure the texts in that group chat weren't "omg shes so pretty". "Wow I love her shirt". This is how cyber bullying occurs. Sending innocent pics in a group chat and people make fun of the person. |
Anonymous
| You both sound incredibly immature. You need a YouTube video to figure out how to talk to your kid about texting? |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
| Your kid is too young for a phone without severe limits. You should mandate that every sent text has to be approved by you or else the phone goes bye bye. |