SAHM to working mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

Your assumption about husbands is false and sexist. You must be projecting.

That’s why you don’t mention these things and interviews because people make assumptions based on statistics.

What statistics?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Yes, OP, get over yourself. You need to be around some working people. You will quickly learn that there are many scenarios for parents.

I mean we’re all jealous of the Sahm married to a guy who makes 1m and she has a housekeeper and nanny. Not so jealous of those whose husbands make 200k and they had to pull back on retirement funding college and travel.

Hmm that’s not how I look at it. I’m not jealous of the lifestyle of a rich SAHM. I’m jealous of the fact that SAHPs get to spend more time w their kids than I do. I WISH I could have that time w my kids not that i had a nanny, housekeeper, and could go to the gym during the work day.

It’s ok to be jealous, not everyone can marry a 200k earning guy who is ok that you give up your 200k job to stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

My kid was was born prematurely, ran in to medical problems and it made sense for me to quit work and be home full time for a couple years. When I went back in to job market, that was my reason for taking a break. If your child was born during covid when childcare was a little unreliable, you can say that as your reason for staying home. That wouldn't offend anyone. Or make something up that is at least partially genuine

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

Step one - don’t assume they “wished” they could have be SAHMs. I have never wanted to be a SAHM and that is why I advanced in my career that I love which lets me afford a great life for my kids. My DH does at least 50% of childcare so don’t even start with “the poor neglected kids” attitude. One of us is always available for them. You already sound insufferable

Stick to why you want the job and why your qualifications meet what the employer is looking for

+1
Perfectly said. OP if you approached me as if I wanted to be a SAHM I think my attention would drift to a candidate who could read the room better. Keep the conversation on the job, unless asked. Then simply say "it was a family decision that was best for our situation, which has not changed". They won't ask though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

Your assumption about husbands is false and sexist. You must be projecting.

That’s why you don’t mention these things and interviews because people make assumptions based on statistics.

What statistics?

Women being the primary parent who leave work for illness and dr appointments etc.

Sure my H is an equal partner and we actually fight over who gets to take a sick day with the kids,

But many men have no interest in being an equal… based on statistics.., especially those who want a SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When you interviewed, is there a way to explain your absence in a way that doesn't offend the working moms who wish they could be SAHMs?

Step one - don’t assume they “wished” they could have be SAHMs. I have never wanted to be a SAHM and that is why I advanced in my career that I love which lets me afford a great life for my kids. My DH does at least 50% of childcare so don’t even start with “the poor neglected kids” attitude. One of us is always available for them. You already sound insufferable

Stick to why you want the job and why your qualifications meet what the employer is looking for

+1
Perfectly said. OP if you approached me as if I wanted to be a SAHM I think my attention would drift to a candidate who could read the room better. Keep the conversation on the job, unless asked. Then simply say "it was a family decision that was best for our situation, which has not changed". They won't ask though.

You mean had NOW changed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

You’re just being obtuse. This is not a woman or a man thing. It’s a person thing.

You do not give too much personal information in an interview. It’s insane and asinine.

You don’t even wear an engagement ring because people are gonna think you’re gonna spend all your time planning a wedding.

It doesn’t matter if you plan to elope or you’re gonna get married at the courthouse don’t wear an engagement ring. Don’t talk about your kids. Don’t talk about your husband.

Say something innocuous like I took some time to explore some passions of mine And decided to go back to more traditional work.

Don’t be like I decided to stay home with my kids for a couple years, Nobody wants to hear that s**t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

You’re just being obtuse. This is not a woman or a man thing. It’s a person thing.

You do not give too much personal information in an interview. It’s insane and asinine.

You don’t even wear an engagement ring because people are gonna think you’re gonna spend all your time planning a wedding.

It doesn’t matter if you plan to elope or you’re gonna get married at the courthouse don’t wear an engagement ring. Don’t talk about your kids. Don’t talk about your husband.

Say something innocuous like I took some time to explore some passions of mine And decided to go back to more traditional work.

Don’t be like I decided to stay home with my kids for a couple years, Nobody wants to hear that s**t.

I wore my engagement ring and told them I’d need two weeks off a month after I started because I was getting married. I got the job and they sent me off the week before the wedding with a champagne toast. They let me go part-time when my kids were born two years later. I worked there 16 years. Good companies invest in there people and understand they have lives outside of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's always a good rule of thumb to avoid assuming people are jealous of you.

Yes, OP, get over yourself. You need to be around some working people. You will quickly learn that there are many scenarios for parents.

I mean we’re all jealous of the Sahm married to a guy who makes 1m and she has a housekeeper and nanny. Not so jealous of those whose husbands make 200k and they had to pull back on retirement funding college and travel.

Not me. I married that guy and his salary and equitable contributions with the kids and house make for a nice life, but that’s not why I love my job and have always worked full time. Not sure if this was a sincere question from OP, but as others have said, in job interviews, you talk about why you want the job and are a good fit for the job, and that’s that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

You’re just being obtuse. This is not a woman or a man thing. It’s a person thing.

You do not give too much personal information in an interview. It’s insane and asinine.

You don’t even wear an engagement ring because people are gonna think you’re gonna spend all your time planning a wedding.

It doesn’t matter if you plan to elope or you’re gonna get married at the courthouse don’t wear an engagement ring. Don’t talk about your kids. Don’t talk about your husband.

Say something innocuous like I took some time to explore some passions of mine And decided to go back to more traditional work.

Don’t be like I decided to stay home with my kids for a couple years, Nobody wants to hear that s**t.

I wore my engagement ring and told them I’d need two weeks off a month after I started because I was getting married. I got the job and they sent me off the week before the wedding with a champagne toast. They let me go part-time when my kids were born two years later. I worked there 16 years. Good companies invest in there people and understand they have lives outside of work.

Wow, it sounds like a great company. Are you willing to share where?

My salary is mid to upper 6 figures. My employers were pretty unhappy w my maternity leaves as it cost them a decent amount $$ w lost productivity during my downtime and how expensive it was to hire temporary replacement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t be arrogant in your interview.

Remember you are essentially a new college grad with no experience and out of date skills.

Don’t mention you have kids because after SAH it’s clear your h has no interest in being involved in the kids lives so they will assume you will take off every time they are sick.

Say you took time to care for a dying aunt.

This. Here’s my bias as a working mom:

1. You don’t really want to work
2. You didn’t value your career
3. You don’t have a spouse who does his share at home
4. Your spouse is now used to you doing everything and all sick days will fall on you
5. You’ll talk about your kid all the time because it’s been your life and you don’t understand other people don’t care about your kids anymore than someone’s pet or vacation

Exhibit A as to how terribly women treat other women.

Yup. I work in a male dominated field and it’s been a breeze getting time off whenever I need even to *gasp* care for children! They also don’t mind me talking about my kids and even talk about their own kids, if you can imagine it.

My boss even let me go part time when I requested it, even though my “excuse” was simply that I wanted more time with my kids.

So advice for the “biased” working mom: get that chip off your shoulder and stop acting like an AH.

Interesting point. I’ve had two phases to my career, both in male-dominated industries. Both have been family-friendly and understanding to moms and dads when childcare needs have arisen or for me when I wanted to scale back to part-time. I think women can be prone to treat other women horribly, and I’ve seen the most obnoxious statements on the issue here on dcum.

Agree. I have seen the same in my workplaces. The female bosses have been horrible bosses and mentors to junior women.

Actually no.
Just the insecure women.
Your comments are clear examples of how women like to tear down other women.

C’mon. Look at the statements in this thread. It’s clear some women will treat other women in the workplace horribly. The best bosses I’ve had have been women, and the worst bosses I’ve had have been women.

You’re just being obtuse. This is not a woman or a man thing. It’s a person thing.

You do not give too much personal information in an interview. It’s insane and asinine.

You don’t even wear an engagement ring because people are gonna think you’re gonna spend all your time planning a wedding.

It doesn’t matter if you plan to elope or you’re gonna get married at the courthouse don’t wear an engagement ring. Don’t talk about your kids. Don’t talk about your husband.

Say something innocuous like I took some time to explore some passions of mine And decided to go back to more traditional work.

Don’t be like I decided to stay home with my kids for a couple years, Nobody wants to hear that s**t.

I wore my engagement ring and told them I’d need two weeks off a month after I started because I was getting married. I got the job and they sent me off the week before the wedding with a champagne toast. They let me go part-time when my kids were born two years later. I worked there 16 years. Good companies invest in there people and understand they have lives outside of work.

Wow, it sounds like a great company. Are you willing to share where?

My salary is mid to upper 6 figures. My employers were pretty unhappy w my maternity leaves as it cost them a decent amount $$ w lost productivity during my downtime and how expensive it was to hire temporary replacement.

No she won’t because it’s fiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does this really matter? By the time you're at the interview stage they've already seen the gap in your resume and presumably don't care or maybe you even proactively addressed it in your cover letter. If they cared you wouldn't even get an interview. I just can't imagine the interview would even touch on this, focus on the job and how your skills make you a good fit.

Exactly. We need people to get work done.

[Anonymous]

Prepare for the interview. It will go to the person who interviews best. Think about your answers to other questions.

I’ve interviewed former SAHMs coming back into the workplace. If they have the skills, I wanted to hire them. Some had gained transferable skills from volunteer work as well as former jobs. They were usually great employees.

My only objection was when they wanted special schedules or other exceptions. The ones we didn’t hire gave the impression of not really caring if they got the job. Act like you want it and show that by preparing for it. Know about the organization or company and what you can bring to it; be serious about it. The interviewers don’t care if this is a good move at this time of your life or good for your growth. You’re there to bring value to the organization. What will you offer? You are in competition with others who may be able to articulate this better.

I was a SAHM myself. I did find that colleagues who had never had kids (younger than I, male and female) took exception to the break in experience or were ageist against them, sadly. You may or may not experience that.