Annoying Stay at Home Know Mom Knows It All

[Anonymous]

Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: 1. she's right. Parents who work 9-5 or longer hours are only seeing their kids for 1hr in the am and 2-2.5hrs at night depending on bedtime monday-friday. Most of that is transition/routine. Eat, bath, bed - you do miss out on leisurely playing and no you can't get that time back. Especially between 0-4. A maid is not childcare. Outsourcing cleaning has nothing to do with this your point

2. Well raised kids in safe environments typically don't fall into the troubled teens pitfalls. But this also takes parents who are around and aware. You need to know who your kids friends are and what their influences are. You also need to have time and money to jump into action at the first sign

3. Public school can be too woke. 2nd graders don't really need to know they can be a girl, boy, plant, dog. There is a time and place for these discussions. Also public curriculum can be problematic depending on district. Maybe she choose the school based off what they can afford and what's the best learning environment for her kids. Who cares if it's ritzy besides you.

4. If you can't afford it don't buy it. Sounds like she doesn't need to play the points game. Great for her. hope you're at least paying your cc bills in full every month. As should everyone

5. Many parents want their kids to go to certain school. And maybe her kids want to attend. Who cares what her goals are. Are you cool with your kids not going to college or taking 6 years to finish community college? Be honest. But don't judge someone for wanting more. Personally I think college degrees minus specific programs are a waste right now. But this lady can afford to buy credentials for her kids why shouldn't she

6. Some volunteers don't know what they are doing. Is this a competitive team? Recreational? Maybe she played soccer and has some authority on the matter.

7. Maybe they like new cars and can easily afford it. Why are you keeping track of how often she switches or what she's driving?

8. Organic dairy and meat are beneficial. Dirty dozen for fruit and veg. Why do you care what someone else feeds their kids.

You're the only one who sounds like a judgemental b-you also sound super insecure and intimidated by this woman. Are you sad that she doesn't want anything to do with you? She never wanted to be sisters or besties! Because honestly with your attitude and beliefs this lady is better off not being associated with you

1. Some people have to work in order to house and clothe and feed their kids. Judging this "choice" is idiotic, especially if the only reason you have a choice is because your *spouse* makes a lot of money. If you are so worried about other people's children, offer to support them so they can stay home with their kids. Otherwise, shut up.

2. No one knows if they are raising their kids well until it's said and done. It is ALWAYS hubris for parents of younger kids to claim that the problems parents of older kids encounter must be due to those parents' bad choices. Maybe it is, maybe it's not. You don't know yet. The best thing to do is just be quiet and focus on your own family. People who pontificate on this subject betray their own insecurities about parenting.

3. My kid's public is not woke like this and in 5 years she's never received any instruction on trans issues at all. The wokeness basically takes the form of "be tolerant of people who aren't like you, and also people's private lives are none of your business." There are absolutely private schools that are more woke. So OP's SIL is just wrong about this.

4. As with #2, pontificating on how the people should and should not spend money, when it does not impact you directly, is obnoxious. I also don't believe in buying on credit but it's not something I brag about because I'm not an a$$hole. I don't care what other people do.

5. Again, it's fine to have goals for your kids or to support their goals, but *shut up about it.* When you walk around saying that only an Ivy will do for your kid, the implication is that kids who don't go to Ivies aren't as good. You might think that privately. You might even be right about it. But it is basic etiquette to not say these things out loud, especially not to a family member who might not have the same resources. The issue here isn't wanting your kids to go to Ivies, it's not having basic manners and discretion about your life. It's the need to advertise this stuff to other people and expect them to be impressed. They are more likely to be annoyed and dislike you.

6. I am sure this is only an issue because the SIL is such a judgmental jerk in all these other ways. She has built up no good will, so when she complains about something that might be valid, like a volunteer coach who is a mess, OP doesn't want to hear it. And I wouldn't either.

7. This one is a little petty but again, the SIL sounds like a piece of work in all the other ways which means when she does something not that bad, like just preferring to lease nice newer cars because this is something she cares about, OP is understandably irritated. If the SIL had a good personality and wasn't constantly judging everyone about everything, I doubt this would matter.

8. The SIL is the one who cares what other people feed their kids. OP didn't say what she feeds her kids, only that the SIL has apparently announced what foods are okay and not okay for other people to feed their kids. So she's doing exactly what you are scolding OP for.

I was going to reply to that fool but no need. She has some serious projecting going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Nobody said that. You stated sil said working moms miss out on crucial time with their kids. That is a fact. You can feel shitty about it or you can say you know what I need to work for xyz. Or I'm a better mom when I'm working and I don't enjoy being mom 24/7. All are fine and valid but it doesn't negate that yes if you're away from your child for 8-10 hours a day and they sleep 10-12 hours a night you are missing out on things. You also don't need to be rich or well off to stay home everyone has priorities. Own yours.

[Anonymous]

I’m assuming this is a troll, but I’ll bite any way — I could never feel an oz of jealousy over someone like this. Being judgy of other women, being worried about the type of car your “seen” in, and having an identity overly wrapped up in your children’s achievements just sounds sad tbh. I can’t imagine spending my time worrying/talking about what others do or how I am perceived.

And it’s not a SAHM thing because I’m sure if she were some high powered litigator or whatever then she’d be talking smack on women who “mooch” of their husbands or whatever. Some people just really need a lot of validation and that means putting others down to build themselves up. That level of insecurity sounds exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Who cares.

[Anonymous]

You're doing the same exact thing OP. Judging this woman because her lifestyle and choices don't align with yours. Also why kind of misogynistic family did you grow up in that your saintly brother has no say or fault in any of this? You don't agree with how she's raising her kids. Are they not your brothers kids too?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Nobody said that. You stated sil said working moms miss out on crucial time with their kids. That is a fact. You can feel shitty about it or you can say you know what I need to work for xyz. Or I'm a better mom when I'm working and I don't enjoy being mom 24/7. All are fine and valid but it doesn't negate that yes if you're away from your child for 8-10 hours a day and they sleep 10-12 hours a night you are missing out on things. You also don't need to be rich or well off to stay home everyone has priorities. Own yours.

I agree with the sentiment people should own their choices, but I don’t think your stated facts are as factual as you make them out to be. Plenty of people work full time and don’t have their kids in 8-10 hours/day of childcare. Most parents stagger and with WAH and hybrid fewer people are commuting.

My DH and I had flexible telework jobs even pre-COVID as did many people we know. Our kids were in childcare about 9-4, so 7 hours per day of which 2 hours they were napping. So off the bat you’re looking at ~25 waking hours. But then oh, the kids would get sick or their preschool would close for a week in the winter and in the summer. And then federal and other random holidays. And we’d take them out for family vacations and grandparent visits. It used to be a running joke that we were paying for full time childcare, but it was rare for both kids to ever actually be there full time M-F.

Also, I know from scaling back my hours during COVID when we were all home all the time that quantity of time doesn’t necessarily equal quality. Even SAHMs have to fold laundry and vacuum and meal prep etc. and most who can afford it end up hiring childcare to get a break to go to the gym or meet up with friends or whatever. (No judgment because we all need breaks)!

Now my kids are school aged and we don’t even need after care because we have always been used to staggering hours and can work within the school day hours. Basically I think modern day flexibilities are closing the disparities in how much time a working parent vs SAHP spends time with their kids.

[Anonymous]

Just avoid people like that

[Anonymous]

She just has too much time on her hands and so has to resort to thinking about other people's lives and choices and how she is perceived by them, instead of anything substantial. Just feel a little sorry for her and move on.

[Anonymous]

I like her. Which Starbucks does she meet at?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Nobody said that. You stated sil said working moms miss out on crucial time with their kids. That is a fact. You can feel shitty about it or you can say you know what I need to work for xyz. Or I'm a better mom when I'm working and I don't enjoy being mom 24/7. All are fine and valid but it doesn't negate that yes if you're away from your child for 8-10 hours a day and they sleep 10-12 hours a night you are missing out on things. You also don't need to be rich or well off to stay home everyone has priorities. Own yours.

Oh please you sanctimonious fool

[Anonymous]

https://www.parents.com/news/parent-sees-kids-for-only-4-hours-each-day-wonders-if-normal-sadly-reddit-says-yes/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, I don't think this is a troll because it is so close to several women I know. Like change a few details (but keep aaaaaaall the judgment and superiority) and I could have written this.

The one I know like this is not actually a SAHM but her job is essentially a hobby -- she makes almost no money and she can take off time whenever she wants and if she ever decides she doesn't like it she can just leave, and because her husband is enormously successful, it won't impact their finances at all.

Which is great, actually -- I wish I had that set up. But she uses it as an excuse to be condescending towards both SAHMs (who she thinks are lazy and setting a bad example for their children) *and* most working moms (who she thinks don't prioritize their families enough and should have pivoted toward the kind of job she has, ignoring the fact that she makes like 20k a year and it might even cost her family money for her to have this job).

She's also incredibly judgmental about all parenting and has no humility about it at all. The irony is that our kids are kind of similar and we have similar types of successes and challenges with them, but we'll never be close because she refuses to acknowledge the challenges for what they are and is unwilling to admit that she doesn't know everything and doesn't have it all figured out. It's exhausting.

I know it's insecurity and I try to have empathy for her, but sometimes I just have to take a break from seeing her because she's so much. I used to think she might mellow as her kid got a bit older but then her DH got this huge promotion and they have even more money than they did before, which she is using to go crazy on private school/tutoring/private coaching and micromanage her child's life with extremely rigid expectations about what this will lead to. So it's the opposite of mellowing. Sigh.

I am OP, and I didn't come here to troll people. I don't understand the point of it. BUT, I do think you are right- my SIL is not an anomaly, and it does seem to me, especially now, that many of the people on here are cut from the same cloth as she is. It's also funny that those accusing me of trolling take personal shots at me, thereby trolling me!

If you aren't a troll, can you just take a look at all of the examples that you wrote out? All of the things that you claims she does are self serving and obnoxious if she talks about her choices as if they are the best or only ones (eg sending your kid to private school is fine; saying that private school is universally "best" or "better" is just factually not true). Do you really need to crowdsource to confirm that someone who makes unnuanced assertions that all of her choices are the best is 1) a jerk and/or 2) not very smart/ capable of parsing out the fact that different people make choices for different reasons?

Well, I didn't know I was "crowdsourcing". This is a free internet forum. How can I crowdsource when I don't know who anyone is? I was blowing off some steam. Sorry that bothers you, but I have an idea- how about if you just don't read the thread any longer?

It doesn't bother me, I just think you are probably riling yourself up more by typing out every grievance you have about her and starting a thread about her. No skin off my back if you want to make hating your SIL a large part of your day. I am not the biggest fan of my SIL but find it pretty easy to ignore her/ not think about her.

I will go ahead and read the thread as long as I want, thanks though. If alternative opinions bother you, perhaps don't start threads on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Annoying people are annoying no matter if they are rich or poor, full time parent or part time, friends or strangers. You mind your attitude and don't interpret her from your biased perspective.