Annoying Stay at Home Know Mom Knows It All

[Anonymous]

I feel both of you judge each other. Moms need to join hands, more so if they are family. If she makes your brother happy and tried to be a good mom to your nieces and nephews, cut her some slack and don't ruin your relationship with her and by extension cause stress for your families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: 1. she's right. Parents who work 9-5 or longer hours are only seeing their kids for 1hr in the am and 2-2.5hrs at night depending on bedtime monday-friday. Most of that is transition/routine. Eat, bath, bed - you do miss out on leisurely playing and no you can't get that time back. Especially between 0-4. A maid is not childcare. Outsourcing cleaning has nothing to do with this your point

2. Well raised kids in safe environments typically don't fall into the troubled teens pitfalls. But this also takes parents who are around and aware. You need to know who your kids friends are and what their influences are. You also need to have time and money to jump into action at the first sign

3. Public school can be too woke. 2nd graders don't really need to know they can be a girl, boy, plant, dog. There is a time and place for these discussions. Also public curriculum can be problematic depending on district. Maybe she choose the school based off what they can afford and what's the best learning environment for her kids. Who cares if it's ritzy besides you.

4. If you can't afford it don't buy it. Sounds like she doesn't need to play the points game. Great for her. hope you're at least paying your cc bills in full every month. As should everyone

5. Many parents want their kids to go to certain school. And maybe her kids want to attend. Who cares what her goals are. Are you cool with your kids not going to college or taking 6 years to finish community college? Be honest. But don't judge someone for wanting more. Personally I think college degrees minus specific programs are a waste right now. But this lady can afford to buy credentials for her kids why shouldn't she

6. Some volunteers don't know what they are doing. Is this a competitive team? Recreational? Maybe she played soccer and has some authority on the matter.

7. Maybe they like new cars and can easily afford it. Why are you keeping track of how often she switches or what she's driving?

8. Organic dairy and meat are beneficial. Dirty dozen for fruit and veg. Why do you care what someone else feeds their kids.

You're the only one who sounds like a judgemental b-you also sound super insecure and intimidated by this woman. Are you sad that she doesn't want anything to do with you? She never wanted to be sisters or besties! Because honestly with your attitude and beliefs this lady is better off not being associated with you

Looks like SIL found this thread.

[Anonymous]

Nothing you wrote sounds offensive or even that wrong. I may agree with her.

You are the one who sounds insecure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Why does this bother you?

The topic of mothers working or not working is so tired. Just drop the rope and move onto something less charged. Why do you care what other people think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Why does this bother you?

The topic of mothers working or not working is so tired. Just drop the rope and move onto something less charged. Why do you care what other people think?

If someone says "working moms aren't good moms" then that person isn't being passive aggressive, that person is being a jerk and is, quite frankly, wrong. For that statement to be true there would have to be zero working moms that are good moms in the world. The immediate PP is right- just ignore and move on. Stop giving credence to worthless opinions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Why does this bother you?

The topic of mothers working or not working is so tired. Just drop the rope and move onto something less charged. Why do you care what other people think?

If someone says "working moms aren't good moms" then that person isn't being passive aggressive, that person is being a jerk and is, quite frankly, wrong. For that statement to be true there would have to be zero working moms that are good moms in the world. The immediate PP is right- just ignore and move on. Stop giving credence to worthless opinions.

I bet she's not saying those words. That's what OP is hearing because she's insecure, but the SIL is saying something else. It's probably more along the lines of "I could never work because I'd miss out on too much" and OP is taking that personally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Why does this bother you?

The topic of mothers working or not working is so tired. Just drop the rope and move onto something less charged. Why do you care what other people think?

If someone says "working moms aren't good moms" then that person isn't being passive aggressive, that person is being a jerk and is, quite frankly, wrong. For that statement to be true there would have to be zero working moms that are good moms in the world. The immediate PP is right- just ignore and move on. Stop giving credence to worthless opinions.

I bet she's not saying those words. That's what OP is hearing because she's insecure, but the SIL is saying something else. It's probably more along the lines of "I could never work because I'd miss out on too much" and OP is taking that personally.

True. I’ve been a working mom and a SAHM at various points in my life and all I can tell you is that people will judge you negatively either way. The sooner you learn to tune it out, the better your mental health will be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hm. It sounds like she is speaking generally about her personal values. I didn’t see any overt criticism of you in what you posted.

Maybe try not to take everyone’s personal opinions so seriously.

And I say this as someone whose older cousin told her, “I had a breast reduction and it really improved my quality of life. Do you want my doctor’s information?”

That was one of the least offensive things she’s ever said to me, but that’s an example of a passive aggressive offensive opinion sharing.

Well, I believe that when she says- over and over- that working moms aren't good moms (when she KNOW I work) she is being more than passive aggressive. No offence, but something like that for most would be a little more inflammatory than the comment you gave as an example.

Why does this bother you?

The topic of mothers working or not working is so tired. Just drop the rope and move onto something less charged. Why do you care what other people think?

If someone says "working moms aren't good moms" then that person isn't being passive aggressive, that person is being a jerk and is, quite frankly, wrong. For that statement to be true there would have to be zero working moms that are good moms in the world. The immediate PP is right- just ignore and move on. Stop giving credence to worthless opinions.

I bet she's not saying those words. That's what OP is hearing because she's insecure, but the SIL is saying something else. It's probably more along the lines of "I could never work because I'd miss out on too much" and OP is taking that personally.

No, that's not what she says. I know what she says, you know why? I am there when she she says it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is very well to do, and he married a very pretty woman.
She is nice enough at times, but she doesn't work- will never work- has a nanny for their two kids, and appoints herself as the queen of the moms. She actually has a group of friends who meet at Starbucks every morning, usually after the gym, and critique everyone else's kids.
Amongst the pearls of wisdom she has dropped are:
- A mom who works ( I work) loses critical time with her children that she can never get back ( remember, she has a maid despite no job).
- If you simply raise your kids properly, they will never be tempted by drugs or alcohol or any of the other teen pitfalls.
- Public education is "too woke". Her kids go to a private school, but she made sure it's one of the really ritzy ones. We all kind of think that she does that for appearances amongst the neighbors.
- One should never buy anything on credit.
- Only certain colleges will be acceptable for her children- Ivies and UVA for example
- Her child's soccer coach, a volunteer, has no idea what she is doing,
- She needs a high end car and she needs to switch it up every couple of years, so every few years they lease a new car- Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche- because she "can't be seen" in a more economical car.
- Her kids can only eat organic food. If you aren't feeding your kids organic food, you are knowingly putting your kids a risk.
She is judgmental, and just really stuck up. Sorry, I suppose I am just venting, and before anyone says it I AM a bit jealous of their money, but I also think you don't have to act the way she does just because of it.

I bet a lot of people reading this are thinking this is about them

Don't be so gullible. This is a list of hot button issues divide to rile people up. It's fake.

It reads like a "millennials today.." replete with Starbucks reference. My FIL talks like this about liberal leaning lifestyles as if anyone hits every hot button. Some of this is so ridiculously incongruent unless op is from a very small town or the kids are toddlers but who would have a volunteer soccer coach and strong opinions about college placement, anti-woke and pro-organic?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m assuming this is a troll, but I’ll bite any way — I could never feel an oz of jealousy over someone like this. Being judgy of other women, being worried about the type of car your “seen” in, and having an identity overly wrapped up in your children’s achievements just sounds sad tbh. I can’t imagine spending my time worrying/talking about what others do or how I am perceived.

And it’s not a SAHM thing because I’m sure if she were some high powered litigator or whatever then she’d be talking smack on women who “mooch” of their husbands or whatever. Some people just really need a lot of validation and that means putting others down to build themselves up. That level of insecurity sounds exhausting.

I was thinking along the same lines. It's probable much less about your choices than hers. She harps on the SAHM mom thing because she's thinking about the road not taken and needing to validate her choice. That's a trait of humanity; the mommy wars are just one manifestation of this.

[Anonymous]

shes 100% right on everything but few are able to find a high earning husband to live this lifestyle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My brother is very well to do, and he married a very pretty woman.
She is nice enough at times, but she doesn't work- will never work- has a nanny for their two kids, and appoints herself as the queen of the moms. She actually has a group of friends who meet at Starbucks every morning, usually after the gym, and critique everyone else's kids.
Amongst the pearls of wisdom she has dropped are:
- A mom who works ( I work) loses critical time with her children that she can never get back ( remember, she has a maid despite no job).
- If you simply raise your kids properly, they will never be tempted by drugs or alcohol or any of the other teen pitfalls.
- Public education is "too woke". Her kids go to a private school, but she made sure it's one of the really ritzy ones. We all kind of think that she does that for appearances amongst the neighbors.
- One should never buy anything on credit.
- Only certain colleges will be acceptable for her children- Ivies and UVA for example
- Her child's soccer coach, a volunteer, has no idea what she is doing,
- She needs a high end car and she needs to switch it up every couple of years, so every few years they lease a new car- Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche- because she "can't be seen" in a more economical car.
- Her kids can only eat organic food. If you aren't feeding your kids organic food, you are knowingly putting your kids a risk.
She is judgmental, and just really stuck up. Sorry, I suppose I am just venting, and before anyone says it I AM a bit jealous of their money, but I also think you don't have to act the way she does just because of it.

I bet a lot of people reading this are thinking this is about them

Don't be so gullible. This is a list of hot button issues divide to rile people up. It's fake.

It reads like a "millennials today.." replete with Starbucks reference. My FIL talks like this about liberal leaning lifestyles as if anyone hits every hot button. Some of this is so ridiculously incongruent unless op is from a very small town or the kids are toddlers but who would have a volunteer soccer coach and strong opinions about college placement, anti-woke and pro-organic?

I know numerous women who have similar attitudes and are very vocal about them even though it is obviously hurtful to other women in their orbit. These are "hot button issues" because people like this, who are very competitive and aggressive, feel they can more easily "win" on an issues that many people feel conflicts for insecure about, like being a working mom versus staying home. These are also the issues they are likely to be insecure about, and thus more likely to loudly assert they figured it all out (to make themselves feel better).

Anyway, I know lots of people who brag about their parenting, their finances, their superior diets, etc. I wish I didn't, but these attitudes are common.

[Anonymous]

Main issue isn't who is saying it, its who is hearing it. What bothers you are your own guilt and envy. Let it go. No one can have it all. You do what works for you and don't judge others. Be kind so others feel inclined to respond in kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My brother is very well to do, and he married a very pretty woman.
She is nice enough at times, but she doesn't work- will never work- has a nanny for their two kids, and appoints herself as the queen of the moms. She actually has a group of friends who meet at Starbucks every morning, usually after the gym, and critique everyone else's kids.
Amongst the pearls of wisdom she has dropped are:
- A mom who works ( I work) loses critical time with her children that she can never get back ( remember, she has a maid despite no job).
- If you simply raise your kids properly, they will never be tempted by drugs or alcohol or any of the other teen pitfalls.
- Public education is "too woke". Her kids go to a private school, but she made sure it's one of the really ritzy ones. We all kind of think that she does that for appearances amongst the neighbors.
- One should never buy anything on credit.
- Only certain colleges will be acceptable for her children- Ivies and UVA for example
- Her child's soccer coach, a volunteer, has no idea what she is doing,
- She needs a high end car and she needs to switch it up every couple of years, so every few years they lease a new car- Mercedes, Lexus, Porsche- because she "can't be seen" in a more economical car.
- Her kids can only eat organic food. If you aren't feeding your kids organic food, you are knowingly putting your kids a risk.
She is judgmental, and just really stuck up. Sorry, I suppose I am just venting, and before anyone says it I AM a bit jealous of their money, but I also think you don't have to act the way she does just because of it.

She is thoughtless and you are envious. You can't change her but you can improve yourself.

[Anonymous]

Troll