How to handle disparaging comments about me?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reply all and say you'd love to try a hike

Post a gif of someone scaling a mountain with a big smile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reply all and say you'd love to try a hike

+1

Be gracious and let it go. The view is always better when you take the high road! (How about that hiking metaphor?! 😂)

Seriously, just keep on being you. Enjoy the walks!

[Anonymous]

Things are so much simpler in New Jersey, where you would easily solve this situation by replying with a picture of you pointing to your midsection, with the caption, “Hey granny, HIKE THIS!!”

[Anonymous]

I'm curious, is there any scenario in which a person can be genuinely concerned about whether a member of a group is physically able to participate and enjoy an event and express that in what was intended to be a 1:1 conversation about whether to suggest that event?

If so, how would that have looked different in this case from what the MIL actually did?

[Anonymous]

Stop slowing your pace to walk with the MIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm curious, is there any scenario in which a person can be genuinely concerned about whether a member of a group is physically able to participate and enjoy an event and express that in what was intended to be a 1:1 conversation about whether to suggest that event?

If so, how would that have looked different in this case from what the MIL actually did?

Step one: Have actual evidence that this person is in poor physical condition. Do they complain while walking? Ask everyone to stop a minute or slow down? If you're always at the back of the pack, shut yer gob.

Step two: Don't point fingers: Not "Can Larla handle this?" but "Does this look like the right level of challenge for everyone?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you the one who walks slow because of the MIL? Shouldn’t it be the DIL who makes any accommodations? I would start walking with the rest of the group at your own pace.

+1. So confused why you would be walking slow for someone else’s MIL.

OP here. The entire group walks slow for MIL. I don’t know why she singled me out.

And I am not fat. I’m 5’7” and 145 lbs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The old lady was saying she was scared she couldn’t do it, but wasn’t willing to admit it so she threw you under the bus. Everyone will know this.

Just keep going and stop walking with the old lady. Someone else can take a turn now; you have done your time.

Agree with this. Someone else can walk the trash out; you've done your time. I wouldn't be offended, but I also wouldn't be trying to slow myself for her anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reply all and say you'd love to try a hike

And then never go slowly for this woman again!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just reply all and say "A hike sounds great - I'm totally ready whenever you guys are!"

I am not sure why you're bent out of shape about this. It wouldn't even occur to me to be upset. I'd appreciate they were worrying about me.

I'm not OP but really? What if you accidentally saw an email chain from your friends discussing doing X and one of them said they didn't think you could do it because of X and it wasn't true? It could be that they didn't think you could afford it, they didn't think you would laugh because you don't have a sense of humor, you couldn't do it because you're always too busy with your job, ANYTHING. That could be upsetting. They didn't think OP was physically up to the task and that hurt her feelings. I get that.

OP, honestly, you have to just shake it off. I once heard a woman making disparaging comments about my kids to two people and it cut me to the core. She was doing it in an attempt to make her kid seem better and both the people she was saying it to shot her down but from the day on I have held her at a distance. I can't and won't be friends with someone who would say something like that but I guess at least now I know?

This isn't the same thing and I do think there's a potential out here in that maybe the email was truly out of concern and not intended to be cruel or even unkind at all, so I would assume the best and try to let it go. If you want to let it counsel your future interactions with the MIL, that's fine. It doesn't sound like this is the first time she's been a PITA so it shouldn't be hugely shocking. At least no one else responded to it with agreement or anything, right? I'm sorry this happened to you.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth have you been walking at granny's pace?

[Anonymous]

I would reach out separately to the MIL and say "just so you know, Barbara, I only walk slow so you don't feel bad" and then never talk to her again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would reach out separately to the MIL and say "just so you know, Barbara, I only walk slow so you don't feel bad" and then never talk to her again.

💯