How to handle disparaging comments about me?
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Anonymous
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I’m in a walking group with a bunch of women. The ages vary from mid-30s to one woman in her 70s, who is the organizer’s MIL. The MIL is high-maintenance, but everyone is willing to adjust sorry and take breaks for her. I am in my 40s and this is a nice break from my kid’s teenage drama. The organizer inadvertently forwarded an email to the entire group from her MIL asking to try a hike, but expressing concern whether I could keep up. I feel I have to walk slower for the lady who is complaining about me. When I walk alone, I go much faster, but I enjoy the companionship of the other women. I know the email was only forwarded to the group because the organizer’s MIL had attached a map of the hike. I know I am taking this personally, but how do I not take this personally? I’m worried this will affect how the other women see me. So far, I haven’t said anything to anyone except my husband. Any tips on handling this? |
Anonymous
| Just reply all and say you'd love to try a hike |
Anonymous
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Do you know any of the women in the group a bit better who you can just vent to about? Or forward the email to privately with a joke, just to acknowledge it? They will probably say something like "oh no one takes Eileen seriously, we all know you'd be fine on a hike" and then you'll feel better without having to bring it up with the whole group.
You could also just make a good hearted joke about it on the next walk to acknowledge it and then get past it. I seriously doubt anyone is actually thinking if you this way. |
Anonymous
| Go on the hike and show you can do it? This seems to be a major over reaction on your part. I guess I just don't see what the big deal is. |
Anonymous
This is confusing. If the other women are walking slow too, why did she single you out as a slow walker? If others are walking faster, why cant you walk with them and let the slow women walk together? |
Anonymous
| It doesn’t really sound disparaging. More so that they wanted to plan an activity everyone could comfortably do and they were being considerate. |
Anonymous
This |
Anonymous
| I would reply all with “oh I love hikes, Joan! Or maybe you had my name mixed up with another person?” |
Anonymous
Yes this. Or make a silly joke. |
Anonymous
| Maybe find a new group of "friends." |
Anonymous
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The old lady was saying she was scared she couldn’t do it, but wasn’t willing to admit it so she threw you under the bus. Everyone will know this.
Just keep going and stop walking with the old lady. Someone else can take a turn now; you have done your time. |
Anonymous
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I don't get it?
Are you less in shape than the others? Do others need to adjust to your pace? If so, I would take it as a considerate question from this other lady, and either bow out if the hike is too much, take this opportunity to stretch your limits, or, if you have a medical condition that precludes higher cardiac intensity, make sure the group is fine with your pace. If you're not slower than the rest of the group, then maybe she's confusing you with someone else, or just confused, period. But I'm not seeing why you're all in a tizzy, OP. Adults aren't swayed by such things. No one thinks the worse of you. Actions speak louder than words. If you're actually slow, they already know. If you're not, words won't convince them otherwise. |
Anonymous
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Just reply all and say "A hike sounds great - I'm totally ready whenever you guys are!"
I am not sure why you're bent out of shape about this. It wouldn't even occur to me to be upset. I'd appreciate they were worrying about me. |
Anonymous
| I don't understand why she would single you out. |
Anonymous
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Say,
Hi, No worries, enjoy your hike. Its probably best I skip this one. Larla |