Divorce, friends and Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a good reminder to check in with my single friends! It takes zero effort to be kind! I’m surprised so many people are being mean, OP!

Ummm. They have mothers or kids? Or are they childless orphans ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a good reminder to check in with my single friends! It takes zero effort to be kind! I’m surprised so many people are being mean, OP!

Because we’re all exhausted of having to always take care of others. This is literally the ONE sanctioned day where we can just be expected to do nothing and it’s supposed to be okay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a good reminder to check in with my single friends! It takes zero effort to be kind! I’m surprised so many people are being mean, OP!

I check in on friends about 355 days a year, and yes, I give myself some holidays off from extra emotional labor and putting others first, including Mother’s Day. It doesn’t take “zero effort.” I give effort 355 days a year and today is one of the few days I’m focusing on me and mine.

I check in, I make plans, I offer help, I do favors, I invite over, I host play dates, I send thinking of you texts, I send flowers, I give, give, give. And now you’re telling me I need to give on one of the two days literally designed to celebrate me, Mother’s Day and my birthday? GTFO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a good reminder to check in with my single friends! It takes zero effort to be kind! I’m surprised so many people are being mean, OP!

I’m glad for this post. It actually highlights women’s role in expecting women to always do the emotionally lifting. Everyone talks about emotional labor as though the issue is men/women and heterosexual relationships. It’s not. Women help create this cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a good reminder to check in with my single friends! It takes zero effort to be kind! I’m surprised so many people are being mean, OP!

I’m glad for this post. It actually highlights women’s role in expecting women to always do the emotionally lifting. Everyone talks about emotional labor as though the issue is men/women and heterosexual relationships. It’s not. Women help create this cycle.

100% this and THANK YOU to the few women who actually get it. Keep speaking up. It is more than OK to NOT check in on/prioritize others/use all your emotional energy for others every single day, including Mother’s Day. Keep speaking up, your voice in this is important.

[Anonymous]

Interesting. Checking in with friends gives me energy as opposed to drains my energy. I want a day off from the hard parts of parenting, but I don’t need a day off from feeling connected to friends.

It took me less time to text my few bad ass single parent friends than to write this on dcum! And I know that my friends will similarly encourage and lift me up when I need it. Parenting is appropriately often a one way street, with parents doing lots for kids without getting a ton of recognition in return. Friendships are reciprocal, and I’m happy to invest in them, even when it’s a challenge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting. Checking in with friends gives me energy as opposed to drains my energy. I want a day off from the hard parts of parenting, but I don’t need a day off from feeling connected to friends.

It took me less time to text my few bad ass single parent friends than to write this on dcum! And I know that my friends will similarly encourage and lift me up when I need it. Parenting is appropriately often a one way street, with parents doing lots for kids without getting a ton of recognition in return. Friendships are reciprocal, and I’m happy to invest in them, even when it’s a challenge.

Wait, when is it “a challenge” if it “gives you energy” and you “don’t need a day off from feeling connected to friends”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

I am separated and wish I were nearing the divorce finalization. Congrats to you on being near the end. My dc is a teen. I knew how I wanted to celebrate the day and I made plans for me and my child (and a few others) and we did that. I also spent time with friends on Friday and Sat which fostered authentic connection, which I need. I will not wait around for someone, especially my soon to be ex, to dictate what kind of Mother's day, or any other holiday for that matter, that I have. Take charge of your own life OP. We only have one life to live! Think now about the next holiday you have with your kiddos and plan how you want to plan to spend it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

I am separated and wish I were nearing the divorce finalization. Congrats to you on being near the end. My dc is a teen. I knew how I wanted to celebrate the day and I made plans for me and my child (and a few others) and we did that. I also spent time with friends on Friday and Sat which fostered authentic connection, which I need. I will not wait around for someone, especially my soon to be ex, to dictate what kind of Mother's day, or any other holiday for that matter, that I have. Take charge of your own life OP. We only have one life to live! Think now about the next holiday you have with your kiddos and plan how you want to plan to spend it.

PP again. I texted all of my mommy friends happy mother's day and did not wait for anyone to reach out to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, your friends are not the people who will/should celebrate you on Mother's Day. Teach your kids to do it. When I got divorced with little kids I took us out to donuts and gave them the money to pay for me. I sat them at the table with paper and crayons to make me a card. Stuff like that. It is ingraining in them how to expect to be treated/how to treat their wives when they grow up, because they'll have grown with the example of celebrating me.

Yes, exactly. I posted previously and have a teen child. My making plans and celebrating the days I want to celebrate with them is hopefully training my child on how to celebrate themselves and others when I am older and when they have their own separate llife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a good reminder to check in with my single friends! It takes zero effort to be kind! I’m surprised so many people are being mean, OP!

Because we’re all exhausted of having to always take care of others. This is literally the ONE sanctioned day where we can just be expected to do nothing and it’s supposed to be okay.

This. Mother’s Day is my day to 100% relax. Now that the kid are older and self sufficient it’s not as big of a deal but when they were younger this literally was my one day.

[Anonymous]

I told my stbx i’d like us to get brunch with the kids on Mother’s Day. He agreed. I made the reservation. It was nice, he worked with the kids to get me gifts, and picked up the check. I’ll do the same on Father’s Day. We can still celebrate each other as parents for our kids, even if we or they sucked as partners.