Divorce, friends and Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

A. Why in God's name would the person you are divorcing lift a finger to celebrate you?

B. Why would your friends celebrate YOUR motherhood?

The entitlement is beyond belief!!! Is this why you couldn't get along with your husband?

My goodness.

[Anonymous]

You teach your kids, period. This has nothing to do with your friends, and your expectations are weird. But yourself flowers, sign their names. Read the card to them. Make a pretty brunch. Have them help in every way they can. Be super positive. You are responsible for teaching them how to do it.

If you express any bitterness in your dealing with them, you will ruin the lesson. Whatever you do, do not say a word about it being their father’s responsibility. It isn’t, and it would be a terrible lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

Your friends are doing their own mother's day. It's not their responsibility. This is divorce. Either your ex does it or you do it on your own.

No one said it is their "responsibility." God, it's amazing how low the bar is for people to care about others. I think of the things I've done, not my "responsibility", in support of friends and it is beyond me that people would not do the same. Or that you STBXH wouldn't not take the high road to have them make cards or something for you.

But this is the world we live in now. Everyone for themselves.

[Anonymous]

OP here. 😳 at some of these responses. Including those assuming I initiated the divorce. Ha.

I never said it was anyone’s responsibility. I said I felt sad because my XDH didn’t do anything, my kids are too little to do anything themselves, and so I have no one else checking in. I feel forgotten.

Thanks for the empathy from some posters. And thanks to those suggesting I take things into my own hands. I’ve been obviously needing to do that more in life but this example hit me hard. Still, I appreciate the push.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but this post is odd. Mother’s Day is for you and your kids and no one is going to invite you to their Mother’s Day plans because that’s weird. Divorced for years— It never occurred to me to do anything for Mother’s Day with anybody other than my kids and of course I would not expect invitation from anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
A. Why in God's name would the person you are divorcing lift a finger to celebrate you?

B. Why would your friends celebrate YOUR motherhood?

The entitlement is beyond belief!!! Is this why you couldn't get along with your husband?

My goodness.

+1 (and I am divorced)

[Anonymous]

I’m a long time single mom and have no expectations of anyone come Mother’s Day. I work two jobs to make ends meet, and am working tomorrow. My teen says he’ll take me out for breakfast, but I’m not counting on him getting up in time (and I don’t hold it against him- breakfast or brunch on Mother’s Day in a restaurant is crazy!).

Early on another single mom and I made a cake for ourselves one Mother’s Day, our kids were toddlers and that was fun. I can’t remember if others have reached out to me over the years or not, it’s not that important to me.

I’m sorry you’re having a hard time. Do something nice for yourself.

[Anonymous]

I just looked up the date and it's tomorrow? I thought it was next weekend the 17th, Wut?

Op, order take out tomorrow and add a dessert 🎂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. 😳 at some of these responses. Including those assuming I initiated the divorce. Ha.

I never said it was anyone’s responsibility. I said I felt sad because my XDH didn’t do anything, my kids are too little to do anything themselves, and so I have no one else checking in. I feel forgotten.

Thanks for the empathy from some posters. And thanks to those suggesting I take things into my own hands. I’ve been obviously needing to do that more in life but this example hit me hard. Still, I appreciate the push.

I hope you do something nice for yourself! It's probably a good idea to avoid DCUM for now. For whatever reason there are some people spitting venom on this and another Mother's Day thread.

[Anonymous]

Don’t write your friends off yet. You may get supportive messages tomorrow (I always make sure to text my single-mom friends). Some years I sent cards and some I sent champagne if I had time to drop off, but I wouldn’t assume that just because they’re busy they won’t be thinking of you.

[Anonymous]

OP- as someone posted above, not every married mom will be having a good Mother’s Day. Is there a friend who would love to hear from you?

[Anonymous]

It’s amazing that OP expects her friends to do the mental labor of checking in on her on a day when most women’s husbands are flailing about and MILs are demanding special treatment - while the friends are likely planning and orchestrating their own mothers days/are disappointed themselves.

Yes, add more to my list on a day that’s meant to celebrate me but often is me doing more work (and that’s with clear communication!).

[Anonymous]

Gently, I think it’s pretty uncommon for other moms to celebrate Mother’s Day with friends or do any planning for others. It seems to be a pretty family-focused type of day. I bet you’ll get a flood of text messages tomorrow though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gently, I think it’s pretty uncommon for other moms to celebrate Mother’s Day with friends or do any planning for others. It seems to be a pretty family-focused type of day. I bet you’ll get a flood of text messages tomorrow though.

❤️ thanks — OP

[Anonymous]

I’ve only ever heard of people celebrating Mother’s Day w their mom or their kids, not w friends. But if you want it to be a holiday spent w friends, invite someone over! You could still do this if you have friends who are cool w last minute plans. Just ask if they want to come over in mid afternoon for coffee and a treat or something easy and low key like that.

You can’t just wait around for others. If this is important to you, you need to be the one to start it.