Divorce, friends and Mother’s Day

[Anonymous]

I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

[Anonymous]

Yeah, your friends are not the people who will/should celebrate you on Mother's Day. Teach your kids to do it. When I got divorced with little kids I took us out to donuts and gave them the money to pay for me. I sat them at the table with paper and crayons to make me a card. Stuff like that. It is ingraining in them how to expect to be treated/how to treat their wives when they grow up, because they'll have grown with the example of celebrating me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

Did you file for divorce or did DH did? Your DH probably moved on and he is looking for a new woman.

[Anonymous]

Huh? Mother's day is about children and daddy doing something nice for their own mommy. It's literally in the name.

[Anonymous]

Surprised that you think dropping a bomb on dad and the kids the nuclear family won't result in fallout on Mother's day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

I'm sorry you are hurt about a hallmark holiday.

OP there are so many things in this world to think about. How about you be an actual mother and spend the day with your kids you pick the activity. You are not your DHs mother.

[Anonymous]

Why would your friends invite you to their Mother’s Day plans?

[Anonymous]

Also separated, but it’s his weekend and for once, he didn’t cancel. He asked if I had plans and wanted the kids home. I guess I was supposed to make plans? But since he bails on them so often, I figure they need to see their dad more than I need a Hallmark holiday.

I have no expectation that anyone else would think of me. I think that’s kind of unreasonable, OP. But I do understand the feeling of being forgotten, and I’m sorry. This whole process has made me feel like I’ve just been erased. It sucks.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry, OP, holidays can be hard during and after divorce. A silver lining is that you are now free to create your own celebrations and new traditions together with your children. I like PP at 18:02 examples.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP. My STBX is a better ex than he was a husband. He’s never been good at gift giving, but he would never want our kids to feel bad about having nothing to give me on Mother’s Day. He makes sure I don’t have to cook on Mother’s Day or my birthday and the kids have gifts to give me on gift giving occasions. I make sure he is celebrated on his birthday and Father’s Day and receives gifts too. It’s for our kids, so they get to experience normal family related events.

When I separated, I had one friend who made standing offers of help and another friend who started celebrating me at every holiday. I get treat bags from her all throughout the year. She’s extra thoughtful. I don’t have any friends who are unmarried, but if I did, I’d be happy to take their kids shopping for gifts for special occasions. Maybe start asking friends in advance.

[Anonymous]

This thread shows how pathetic some men are. Why do women have to do EVERYTHING. it’s exhausting. They can’t even take some little kids shopping once a year without being told or helped out. How did we get here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

Maybe they're not though! My family of origin didn't do big plans on mother's day - flowers and a gift at breakfast and then went about our normal days. My own family now is similar. Og course I do hope my divorced mom friends get to spend time with their kids on Mother's Day, but it hasn't occurred to me to make sure they have plans because...I don't. I literally have no plans.

I am sorry you're feeling hurt and lonely though. It should be the responsibility of the other parent to teach the kids how to celebrate each other on these days, just to be decent people, but apparently plenty of married men don't do that so that's asking too much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread shows how pathetic some men are. Why do women have to do EVERYTHING. it’s exhausting. They can’t even take some little kids shopping once a year without being told or helped out. How did we get here?

No, you’re pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m separated, getting divorced finalized in a month. XDH hasn’t said a word about Mother’s Day, which isn’t a surprise. We have 3 kids but they are too young really to do anything without guidance.

But for whatever reason I’m hurt that none of my friends (all married) reached out to me about any plans. I know that they are celebrating with their own families so it’s probably me being unreasonable. But I still feel hurt about it. Just venting here, I guess!

Your friends are doing their own mother's day. It's not their responsibility. This is divorce. Either your ex does it or you do it on your own.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised you don’t have custody on Mother’s Day. Usually custody agreements are written so children spend Mother’s Day with mom and Father’s Day with day. Same for parents birthdays.