“They won’t go to kindergarten in diapers!”…well, actually, they are.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. The smell would be awful. We have a kid who keeps having poop accidents in the 2s room and the whole room smells. Easy way to spread disease too.

[Anonymous]

OP how are the diapers supposed to be changed? Wouldn’t a 5 year old feel embarrassed to come to school in diapers?

I think this is likely an outgrowth of the “gentle parenting” trend that advises “wait until the child shows signs of readiness.” While it’s true that most kids will on their own display interest in using the potty, some small percentage need to be taught. Another small percentage of parents may actually undermine potty training by being unable to handle any discomfort in their child.

I know that without the “Oh Crap” method and the expectation that my child would be potty trained for public PK3, he probably would have been one of those kids who never learned until well into 4, maybe 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The kids probably do have anxiety. I feel for their parents. People really need to have empathy instead of disdain.

I feel bad for the kids. Their parents are allowing anxiety to rule their lives and sending them to K in diapers will only make the anxiety worse. I have enough empathy for the kids to know that their parents failed them.

I'm surprised the kids were deemed ready for kindergarten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugh. The smell would be awful. We have a kid who keeps having poop accidents in the 2s room and the whole room smells. Easy way to spread disease too.

Why is a 2 yr old having regular poop accidents not just wearing diapers? He isn't potty trained, which is actually okay, as he is two.

You sound like someone who really should not be working in a daycare. But in any case, OP is is a kindergarten teacher, it's a totally different deal. It's reasonable for OP to balk at diapers in her classroom. It is not reasonable for you! It's your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The kids probably do have anxiety. I feel for their parents. People really need to have empathy instead of disdain.

I feel bad for the kids. Their parents are allowing anxiety to rule their lives and sending them to K in diapers will only make the anxiety worse. I have enough empathy for the kids to know that their parents failed them.

I'm surprised the kids were deemed ready for kindergarten.

Exactly. You don’t accomodate child anxiety by keeping them in diapers until 5.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher, I get it…you shouldn’t have to deal with that (literal) crap. And if it is just that the parents were too lazy to potty train, then that’s unacceptable.

However, I am also the parent of a child with an intellectual disability who has gastrointestinal issues, and it is possible that he won’t be potty trained by the time he starts kindergarten. I hope his teachers will be accommodating. The kids involved may well have special needs that have not yet been diagnosed. I’d reserve judgement until you meet the families.

Sorry, but in this instance kids who cannot use a bathroom independently should not be mainstreamed. Teachers have overflowing classrooms and don’t have time to change diapers.

So a child with, say, a physical disability that prevents them from ever using a bathroom independently shouldn't be allowed in a gen ed classroom? That is against the law, so it's a good thing you aren't in charge. Schools can provide aides if necessary.

Np. This whole thread is about kids without disabilities who are not potty trained in Kindergarten. You're talking about a different subject entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems like a very high number for one school. Where do you live?
My first thought was that there are special needs even if you wrote otherwise. There are several months until school starts.
Also, accidents are different from not potty trained. They may wear them and it will no concern teachers much. Talking about anxiety, check yours.

I am so sorry you have to deal with this OP. But I think the last bit here is key, especially since you mentioned constipation. A friend’s child has severe chronic constipation, which leads to very occasional accidents and less occasional soiling. It isn’t that he isn’t potty trained; it’s a real medical issue.

Usually this is just functional constipation though, not because of an abnormality like Hirschsprung’s disease. In layman’s terms, the kid is eating a ton of dairy and behaviorally holding his poop and does this for a year and the parents don’t want to give miralax and hem and haw about what to do, or deny there is even an issue, and then tada you have a kid whose bowel has been chronically stretched out and now it takes a long time- months - to get it back to normal and it requires strict adherence to a toileting regimen and to giving daily miralax to keep everything moving smoothly and easily. For months, to let the bowel shrink back down. Guess how many parents think it’s fine to stop the miralax and toileting regimen after a week since the kid seems better? Like, 90% of them. And then those kids are constipated again in a month because their bowel was still stretched out and poop just got all impacted again once the miralax wasn’t keeping it loose and the toileting regimen wasn’t making sure the kid was pooping after every meal.

If you can’t tell, I have little sympathy for parents who refuse to help their kids and listen to the science behind their issue.

+1. Less dairy and carbs. More water. Clear the blockage and move on. It’s poor parenting in the form of poor diet. Nothing more.

I’m the Pp you’re responding to and actually, no, clear the blockage and move on is what most parents do and then their kid is impacted and leaking stool again in a month. You need to clear the blockage, and then give daily miralax and sit on the toilet for 15 min after meals for the next 6 months (if the constipation is chronic and has lead to impaction/ leaking stool, and decreased sensation to the cues down there). You can’t treat the current blockage and then move on. That’s what leads these 6 year olds to be in diapers because they can no longer sense that stool is leaking out. Lazy parents don’t want to do the toilet regimen and the miralax for 6 months when they let the constipation get so bad that it leads to these more severe issues. I’ve seen 11 year olds still having issues because they won’t. just. do. the. hard. work

Or they don't KNOW. Not all pediatricians are helpful on this issue.

Yes- sorry, you’re right. The ones who first come to me and don’t know what the problem is are of course not lazy, they just don’t know. I’m speaking of the ones who know, but think it’s unnecessary to keep with the regimen or say they don’t like miralax because they’ve heard of side effects or they say it’s too much work to keep this up. Those parents are the ones with 11 year olds still having leaking stools and they are throwing their arms up wondering why.

[Anonymous]

I had a late training kid (still trained at 3 but only just and it was a long, miserable slog that involved consulting specialists) so I guess I'm more inclined to be generous here.

Obviously diapers in K is a different deal but so many of these responses are making these harsh assumptions that I just do not think you can assume. When we were struggling with potty training, I know people judged us harshly, assumed we were lazy, assumed we were indulgent, etc. But I know this isn't the case because while we struggled mightily with potty training, our kid is conscientious, well-behaved, rarely watches screens, etc. Like we're doing great on a lot of parenting metrics. But for a variety of reasons, potty training was just tough for our family. Oh well. Nobody's perfect.

For that reason, I'd extend grace to these families and keep an open mind. They might not be what you expect. Obviously diapers in K isn't great. Three in one grade is surprising. But there may be more to it than what you assume, and approaching these parents with the assumption they are terrible parents probably won't serve you long term working with these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Idk I feel like we’re all getting our kids potty trained on time. Nearly everyone I know did it from 20-30 months. My youngest is 2 and there aren’t many kids not potty trained in her class. Parents know now not to wait until 3+ or readiness signs. These are UMC kids so maybe my view is self selecting.

Whereas when gen z was babies, parents waited forever. Lots and lots of constipation issues from delaying potty training.

I am a parent who trained my kids at 3 in a couple days, and a former preschool teacher so I know a lot of kids training timelines.

The kids I know who had trouble with withholding and constipation all had parents who started early, and ran into difficulties. When they were struggling at 3, people often assumed the issue was leaving it till 3, but when we problem solved at school and they walked us through it was “well we first tried at 20 months . . .”

My guess is the same would be true for some of these kids, while others have medical or developmental disabilities that aren’t diagnosed yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher, I get it…you shouldn’t have to deal with that (literal) crap. And if it is just that the parents were too lazy to potty train, then that’s unacceptable.

However, I am also the parent of a child with an intellectual disability who has gastrointestinal issues, and it is possible that he won’t be potty trained by the time he starts kindergarten. I hope his teachers will be accommodating. The kids involved may well have special needs that have not yet been diagnosed. I’d reserve judgement until you meet the families.

Sorry, but in this instance kids who cannot use a bathroom independently should not be mainstreamed. Teachers have overflowing classrooms and don’t have time to change diapers.

So a child with, say, a physical disability that prevents them from ever using a bathroom independently shouldn't be allowed in a gen ed classroom? That is against the law, so it's a good thing you aren't in charge. Schools can provide aides if necessary.

Np. This whole thread is about kids without disabilities who are not potty trained in Kindergarten. You're talking about a different subject entirely.

Given that all three kids have 504’s someone has diagnosed them with a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP how are the diapers supposed to be changed? Wouldn’t a 5 year old feel embarrassed to come to school in diapers?

I think this is likely an outgrowth of the “gentle parenting” trend that advises “wait until the child shows signs of readiness.” While it’s true that most kids will on their own display interest in using the potty, some small percentage need to be taught. Another small percentage of parents may actually undermine potty training by being unable to handle any discomfort in their child.

I know that without the “Oh Crap” method and the expectation that my child would be potty trained for public PK3, he probably would have been one of those kids who never learned until well into 4, maybe 5.

+1

Gentle parenting advocates claim they are in favor of strong boundaries. And im sure some people are doing that. But in this screen-addled, processed food laden society, most parents are thinking they can’t discipline at all and are not doing so. I fell into this trap with my oldest so I get it.

We need to swing back toward being more strict. That does not mean hitting or screaming, but it means shaping our kids behaviors much more firmly.

There are broader issues here as the food supply is making children ill. Look at the rise in colon cancer! I’ve dealt with chronic constipation before after being trained for two years! It was so difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Idk I feel like we’re all getting our kids potty trained on time. Nearly everyone I know did it from 20-30 months. My youngest is 2 and there aren’t many kids not potty trained in her class. Parents know now not to wait until 3+ or readiness signs. These are UMC kids so maybe my view is self selecting.

Whereas when gen z was babies, parents waited forever. Lots and lots of constipation issues from delaying potty training.

I am a parent who trained my kids at 3 in a couple days, and a former preschool teacher so I know a lot of kids training timelines.

The kids I know who had trouble with withholding and constipation all had parents who started early, and ran into difficulties. When they were struggling at 3, people often assumed the issue was leaving it till 3, but when we problem solved at school and they walked us through it was “well we first tried at 20 months . . .”

My guess is the same would be true for some of these kids, while others have medical or developmental disabilities that aren’t diagnosed yet.

I posted up thread about how my kid trained just shy of 4 years old and it was a long and arduous experience, and I agree with this. We started training before 2 and in retrospect it was too early. We did Oh Crap and it went very badly and we assumed it was user error in our part, so we tried again. At that point our then 2.5 yrs old dug in her heels and decided she would never use the potty, and the next year and a half was mildly torturous.

I absolutely wish I had not caved to pressure to potty train right at 2 and had been more relaxed about it. I think we made it harder than it needed to be by feeling time pressured and trying to force it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We had two last year and one this year. We’ve never had any before these two years. This is one of the many things we’ve gotten from kids being at home with their parents. That and screen addictions. And not ever hearing the word “no” before.

You mean the parents that were concurrently working and keeping their kid busy because daycares/ schools were closed but parents were still expected to
Log into work?

OP is exaggerating. Kids have always had to bring extra clothes into school for a reason. And like it or not, the current cohort of kids in school have had unusual Experiences that differ depending on their geography and a host of SES factors. Much like teachers have changed for many of the same reasons.

This fall’s kindergarteners were 1-2 when the school lockdown ended. This is not because of Covid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a teacher, I get it…you shouldn’t have to deal with that (literal) crap. And if it is just that the parents were too lazy to potty train, then that’s unacceptable.

However, I am also the parent of a child with an intellectual disability who has gastrointestinal issues, and it is possible that he won’t be potty trained by the time he starts kindergarten. I hope his teachers will be accommodating. The kids involved may well have special needs that have not yet been diagnosed. I’d reserve judgement until you meet the families.

Sorry, but in this instance kids who cannot use a bathroom independently should not be mainstreamed. Teachers have overflowing classrooms and don’t have time to change diapers.

So a child with, say, a physical disability that prevents them from ever using a bathroom independently shouldn't be allowed in a gen ed classroom? That is against the law, so it's a good thing you aren't in charge. Schools can provide aides if necessary.

Np. This whole thread is about kids without disabilities who are not potty trained in Kindergarten. You're talking about a different subject entirely.

The person I replied to said that no one, disability or otherwise, should be allowed in a mainstream classroom unless they can use the bathroom independently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So who changes the diapers? The nurse?

The kids probably change the diapers themselves like how I changed my wet clothes myself in the 80's.

Pee, maybe. But a 5 yr old changing a diaper full of poop in the bathroom alone would result in feces all over.

Childcare centers and preschools that change diapers require special licensing. A regular teacher in a regular elementary school shouldn’t be touching kids’ private parts for any reason. Plus the time away dealing with it, who supervises rest of kindergarten class? This needs to be dealt with my a nurse or the parent or an aid provided for this purpose.

It was only pee and due to anxiety for me. You're right that poop would be very different. That's info we don't have and a good question---how many of those in diapers are in diapers for the occasional pee accident versus a kid regularly pooping.