What is attractive to ambitious men?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Have you read Proust? Not many people have. The only (three) people I know who have were professors. They were definitely ambitious people, because academia is cutthroat. I think you mean a rich man?

Right, there are ambitious people earning modest salaries in academia, startups, non-profits, the arts, etc, but also non-too-ambitious people earning well, like in tech (based on my experience).

She reminds me of a comms person I worked with... a nice person but definitely into status and married a wealthy banker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been with Dh for over 20 years so my info may be dated.

I was a well educated very ambitious woman. Ambitious men always liked me. I was very type A go getter. I used to be told I was hot. I’m naturally thin, pretty face, big boobs. They probably liked most that I loved sex too. I think guys like that like women who are both classy and sexy.

A lady in the streets but a freak in the bed - noted philosopher Ludacris

[Anonymous]

Maybe they get bored by your lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Op, are you their equal?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The ambitious men I’ve known like rich women.

The ones I know like smart and curious women with real interests and passions. Basically, someone like them.

[Anonymous]

Go to professional events in an area where you have expertise and interest. You may meet men there that are a good fit for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

These are early marriages, in grad school or straight out. In OLD dating age and post age 30, looks and how the woman ages definitely matter. Look who Murdoch marries - they are all attractive and wealthy, or models

That’s totally different. At that point, by marriage number three, they’ve shown themselves to be narcissistic jerks and no women with true wealth or value will marry them. They’re left with exclusively gold digger options, so them might as well settle for the prettier, younger ones.

I don't think it's the jerkiness, but women of lesser means than him would be more willing to blend into his lifestyle: make his interests her own, make his travel style her travel style, accept his food habits, organize his schedule etc. It is a hard work to be married to a high NW man. I was married to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast for 20 years while working full time myself. So I know what I'm talking about.

All wives of his colleagues were attractive at a minimum

Lol, are you for real? When food habits become part of the equation, you’re dealing with a JERK.

+1

“Accept his food habits”? What the heck does this even mean?

Well off middle aged men (probably OP's target ) are now into healthy lifestyle and habits. Vegan, pescatarian etc. They cook themselves and expect their partner to be also a good chef.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

These are early marriages, in grad school or straight out. In OLD dating age and post age 30, looks and how the woman ages definitely matter. Look who Murdoch marries - they are all attractive and wealthy, or models

That’s totally different. At that point, by marriage number three, they’ve shown themselves to be narcissistic jerks and no women with true wealth or value will marry them. They’re left with exclusively gold digger options, so them might as well settle for the prettier, younger ones.

I don't think it's the jerkiness, but women of lesser means than him would be more willing to blend into his lifestyle: make his interests her own, make his travel style her travel style, accept his food habits, organize his schedule etc. It is a hard work to be married to a high NW man. I was married to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast for 20 years while working full time myself. So I know what I'm talking about.

All wives of his colleagues were attractive at a minimum

Lol, are you for real? When food habits become part of the equation, you’re dealing with a JERK.

+1

“Accept his food habits”? What the heck does this even mean?

Well off middle aged men (probably OP's target ) are now into healthy lifestyle and habits. Vegan, pescatarian etc. They cook themselves and expect their partner to be also a good chef.

Hmmm. Ok. Well, my “ambitious” and highly successful husband better not “expect …a good chef” lol. Because I’m an ambitious busy lawyer like he is, which doesn’t leave a lot of time to explore gourmet vegan recipes.

I wish y’all knew how funny you are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Men you are looking for want trophy wives, beautiful and relaxed with generational wealth, elevating them instead of counting their 401K and credit score.

This

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Have you read Proust? Not many people have. The only (three) people I know who have were professors. They were definitely ambitious people, because academia is cutthroat. I think you mean a rich man?

Anyone who has gone to Catholic high school has read that and Faust twice before college. And if liberal arts had to read it a third time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Have you read Proust? Not many people have. The only (three) people I know who have were professors. They were definitely ambitious people, because academia is cutthroat. I think you mean a rich man?

Right, there are ambitious people earning modest salaries in academia, startups, non-profits, the arts, etc, but also non-too-ambitious people earning well, like in tech (based on my experience).

She reminds me of a comms person I worked with... a nice person but definitely into status and married a wealthy banker.

Ambitious people in academia.

Very different and different risk tolerances than ambitious people in the private sector.

Writing a book over 2+ years is totally different than managing an P&L, team of new hires, and product dev and launches. not even close in terms of risk & rewards. Even if a PhD fellow at a think tank.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I seem to have a track record of attracting men who are not career driven. They are well educated, may have multiple degrees, are cultured and worldly but they do not care about working and aren’t driven to succeed, socially or professionally.

I initially am attracted to them due to their intelligence and knowledge but quickly become bored by their lack of direction and goals and ambition.

Money is a factor, but I’m not necessarily looking for extremely rich guys, just men who are driven and know where they are going and can build a reasonably comfortable life together.

I don’t know what I’m doing to signal I am a candidate for the less driven guys and the ambitious driven ones do not approach me. Please help!

OP, the main factor attracting successful men is beauty. It applies to women of all ages. You said you are slim, which is commendable. But are you actually magazine cover looking, and stylishly slim (e.g. long neck, long nice legs, small feet and aristocratic fingers, classic pretty face)? Would you look amazing on his elbow in evening dress?

I'm telling this because my problem is just the opposite: I prefer interesting, artsy men. I'm wealthy and very good looking. If I like men first, and they match me back - that would be the "interesting" guy type I want to date

But the guys who like ME first are all sorts of executives: tech entrepreneurs, high level government officials, law partners, SVPs of large companies making at least half a million a year. I was married to this type and divorced, have no interest in them at all, as I just want to enjoy the world. These men have a very standard idea how their GF should look and behave, and somehow I fit the bill. But they also place me in strict frame of how I should live my life with him, e.g. basically blending into his lifestyle, his friends, everything on his terms and his schedule etc.

Is this really what you want?

Beauty is not a factor at all. The most ambitious men I know are married to unattractive, but very wealthy women. Look at Melinda Gates or MacKenzie Scott, WOOF! But they came from very wealthy backgrounds that supported their ambitious husbands.

These are early marriages, in grad school or straight out. In OLD dating age and post age 30, looks and how the woman ages definitely matter. Look who Murdoch marries - they are all attractive and wealthy, or models

That’s totally different. At that point, by marriage number three, they’ve shown themselves to be narcissistic jerks and no women with true wealth or value will marry them. They’re left with exclusively gold digger options, so them might as well settle for the prettier, younger ones.

I don't think it's the jerkiness, but women of lesser means than him would be more willing to blend into his lifestyle: make his interests her own, make his travel style her travel style, accept his food habits, organize his schedule etc. It is a hard work to be married to a high NW man. I was married to one of the wealthiest men on the East Coast for 20 years while working full time myself. So I know what I'm talking about.

All wives of his colleagues were attractive at a minimum

Lol, are you for real? When food habits become part of the equation, you’re dealing with a JERK.

+1

“Accept his food habits”? What the heck does this even mean?

Well off middle aged men (probably OP's target ) are now into healthy lifestyle and habits. Vegan, pescatarian etc. They cook themselves and expect their partner to be also a good chef.

Hmmm. Ok. Well, my “ambitious” and highly successful husband better not “expect …a good chef” lol. Because I’m an ambitious busy lawyer like he is, which doesn’t leave a lot of time to explore gourmet vegan recipes.

I wish y’all knew how funny you are.

OP is presumably beyond "grow together" first marriage stage. She is looking at 40-50s men. Yes, they want a driven woman with a passion and self-sufficient financially. But they won't tolerate a busy lawyer second wife. It would be someone with own business, generational wealth sitting on boards of non-profits, lifestyle job etc.

[Anonymous]

The problem with attracting an ambitious man is that, while they want an ambitious woman, you have to be willing to cast those ambitions aside for the sake of the relationship. So be prepared to get a grad degree but not use it, go to med school then quit when you have kids, etc. As an ambitious woman myself, I've never understood this paradox. If I have the drive to accomplish these things, I have no interest in throwing in the towel when I meet a guy. Seems antithetical.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The problem with attracting an ambitious man is that, while they want an ambitious woman, you have to be willing to cast those ambitions aside for the sake of the relationship. So be prepared to get a grad degree but not use it, go to med school then quit when you have kids, etc. As an ambitious woman myself, I've never understood this paradox. If I have the drive to accomplish these things, I have no interest in throwing in the towel when I meet a guy. Seems antithetical.

Yes, as a former wife of "ambitious" man I agree. He didn't want me to work/practice law and insisted on me taking more flexible job. Then during the divorce he flipped and blamed me for that.

I only see it realistically happen past age 35 meeting a wealthy ambitious man, if the woman is gorgeous, has degrees and some sort of generational wealth or own flexible business. So she still has time to center her life around his needs and interests, and adapt to his lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

OP: did you mean this (unambiguous) or did you mean unambitious?

You kinda had me until this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Like attracts like most of the time, especially in DC.

The vast majority of married men I know who are ambitious and successful are married to women who are well educated and successful.

If you're a waitress with just a couple semesters of community college under your belt or just a GED, you're not gonna land some super successful man.

This is OP. I am Ivy educated and have a good career in communications. I am slim and love to workout and am obsessed with self improvement. I also love the arts; classic literature, theatre, museums, music hence why I get along with the cultured but the unambiguous men I’ve met.

Yes, I’d like to discuss Hemingway or Proust but I also like to have a 5 year plan, a 401k and goals and ambitions.

Have you read Proust? Not many people have. The only (three) people I know who have were professors. They were definitely ambitious people, because academia is cutthroat. I think you mean a rich man?

Anyone who has gone to Catholic high school has read that and Faust twice before college. And if liberal arts had to read it a third time.

Really? All seven volumes of In Search of Lost Time (or Rembrance of Things Past, as you might have read an older edition at your Catholic school), or perhaps in the original French?