Teacher called...for a third time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP, sorry, maybe dumb question: how do you check to see if they are using the phone during the day at school?

Go to to the screen time section of their phone. It’ll tell you how many hours they spent and on what apps. Most of you would be dead shocked to find your kids are on Snap, Tiktok, whatever games app they use ALL DAY LONG at school. We can’t fake their phone from them. If we get them to put it away, they take out their stupid Chromebook and log into Instagram and chat with their friends there or watch soccer or play some idiot game. It’s hell. I hate what pervasive screens have done to the classroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might not be his fault, School were closed for two years, and they want kids to act like nothing happened. It might have something to do with the school closer, and he might still think he is the same grade it was when they decided to closed down for two years. The kids are acting out because they don't know how to act or if they are going to be shut down again.

Absurd.

First of all, school wasn't closed for two years, but even if the child stayed virtual throughout the 2020-2021 school year, if a child forgot how to behave, that's on the parent, not the school.

Second, all children have been back in school for 2.75 school years. Stop using the pandemic as an excuse.

Third, the OP's child is a sophomore. That means he was in school for all but one quarter of sixth grade, might have been virtual for seventh grade, but has been back in-person for all of eighth grade, ninth grade, and 3/4 of tenth grade.

[Anonymous]

“Schools were closed , there was a pandemic”

“What about school shootings”

“Teachers should take the phone”

These are all just things parents say to avoid having to be the parent and do something that will make their kid unhappy, which is throttle access to the phone. OP’s kid is failing classes and getting calls home about his behavior and it’s still not enough. Some of you are going to be shocked when your kids turn into young adults with maladaptive behaviors and very poor executive functioning skills to thrive as adults because you refused to be their parent and not their friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It might not be his fault, School were closed for two years, and they want kids to act like nothing happened. It might have something to do with the school closer, and he might still think he is the same grade it was when they decided to closed down for two years. The kids are acting out because they don't know how to act or if they are going to be shut down again.

NP. Stop. This is such first world problems BS. I can’t even imagine what losers your kids must be, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:“Schools were closed , there was a pandemic”

“What about school shootings”

“Teachers should take the phone”

These are all just things parents say to avoid having to be the parent and do something that will make their kid unhappy, which is throttle access to the phone. OP’s kid is failing classes and getting calls home about his behavior and it’s still not enough. Some of you are going to be shocked when your kids turn into young adults with maladaptive behaviors and very poor executive functioning skills to thrive as adults because you refused to be their parent and not their friend.

+1000

This is why kids in public school have such appalling behavior. Excuses for poor behavior and no consequences. I feel so sorry for the well behaved kids and decent families that have to put up with these people and their off-spring.

[Anonymous]

I have the same issues with my 16 year old. He doesn’t have a phone, but has an iPad that is provided by the school and that is mandatory for him to have on him for all class work and tests. Even when he doesn’t have the iPad, he will get out a physical book or find one in the classroom.
I have two other kids in middle school with the opposite problem. They are overly invested in school, staying up too late, and going to burn themselves out.

I’ve more or less let go. DS knows what I think of his behavior. And as much as I have tried, I can’t control what he does when he’s not at home. I’m done making my home a miserable place to be.

Also, I think there is a good chance that DS *will* get a GED and go to community college. That doesn’t need to be preceded by four years of DH and I yelling at him and telling him what a loser he is if he goes that route. That seems like a recipe for depression, or, at the very least, a very fractured relationship.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like it could be depression. He is checked out, unmotivated, irritable. Depression often isn't sadness and tears. It is more often shutting down, apathy, and irritability. Have him talk to someone.

[Anonymous]

Have you ruled out depression, bullying, ADHD?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing how parents these days can twist any situation to place the blame on the teachers. Good luck in college!

Are college professors going to call parents about a college student’s behavior?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's amazing how parents these days can twist any situation to place the blame on the teachers. Good luck in college!

Are college professors going to call parents about a college student’s behavior?

Here is a pro tip: teachers DO NOT want to call you. If we are calling it is because your kid is doing something that ultimately negatively impacts their own academics and if it looks like your kid might fail because of it, we are required to contact you. If it gets to the point we are calling, when we do not want to have to do that, it means we have exhausted all the interventions, redirections, strategies available to us as the teacher and it’s now at a level where YOU, the parent, who has more available interventions and strategies to use with your child that we do not, need to be aware and taking action.

Don’t get annoyed that we’re calling you. Understand that it means we have absolutely done what we can on our end and it’s now time for you to pick up the baton. Or, failing that, at least you have been made aware so that when your kid ultimately does get that F, you can’t claim “nobody told me” and blame us for not telling you so you could help.

[Anonymous]

He’s depressed talk to your pediatrician and get him therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. We are in public and not MCPS. Our school allows phones, but they need to be put away.

I wouldn't want to take the phone because if there is a school shooting, I don't want to be in that position. The unfortunate mindset of a public school parent, unfortunately.

Thank you to everyone who suggested a dummy phone or a text/call phone only. I think we're going to start here.

How do we get him to understand how rude this behavior is? Grades are grades, he will pass or fail, but we want to make sure he is a good human.

This is not a reason. Your child is suffering today because of his inability to regulate his phone use. Worrying about an exceedingly rare event while your son is struggling today makes no sense.
Be a parent, OP. Take the phone.

[Anonymous]

Technology is adding a huge layer to parenting that many aren’t equipped to deal with. These machines in our pockets are so addicting. OP, I would have locked down his phone during school hours (downtime) after the first phone call (or preemptively so it would have never been an issue.)

I’ve learned a lot from my oldest teen. We are about to give my middle schooler an old iPhone. These are the important things I’m going to do before placing it in his hand- 1) set it up so all downloads of apps need approval from parent 2) schedule “downtime” which locks phone (except for parents numbers if you choose) during school hours and bedtime 3) remove safari and web browsing capabilities. There is no reason why a 7th grader needs this on phone yet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Technology is adding a huge layer to parenting that many aren’t equipped to deal with. These machines in our pockets are so addicting. OP, I would have locked down his phone during school hours (downtime) after the first phone call (or preemptively so it would have never been an issue.)

I’ve learned a lot from my oldest teen. We are about to give my middle schooler an old iPhone. These are the important things I’m going to do before placing it in his hand- 1) set it up so all downloads of apps need approval from parent 2) schedule “downtime” which locks phone (except for parents numbers if you choose) during school hours and bedtime 3) remove safari and web browsing capabilities. There is no reason why a 7th grader needs this on phone yet.

My kids didn't have phones until high school and I find this thread very shocking. OP's child is struggling with something SO common. Tech addiction is a problem for adults, so of course it's going to be a bigger problem for kids. I think this is one of the very few helpful suggestions in the thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It might not be his fault, School were closed for two years, and they want kids to act like nothing happened. It might have something to do with the school closer, and he might still think he is the same grade it was when they decided to closed down for two years. The kids are acting out because they don't know how to act or if they are going to be shut down again.

NP. Stop. This is such first world problems BS. I can’t even imagine what losers your kids must be, PP.

in Florida and in places where schools were open, kids don't have as many behavior problems as they do in schools that kept closed for two plus years or so. Kids are missing school because they forgot they have to attend, and again this the school closure fault because doing COVID they only attend 4 days a week, and even when they will be on for a few minutes then leave.