Teacher called...for a third time

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

No. It’s parenting. I didn’t buy the phone for my students. I am not allowed to take their phone either. Who bought it and can take it? Their parent.

But the teacher could suggest to the parent not to have the kid bring the phone to school anymore.

Why do you need the teacher to do that? The teacher, depending on level, can have up to 150 students. Even if they have half that number, do you really expect them to parent 75 students? Plus, phones are just one of MANY things a teacher needs to manage during a class period.

The fact you need a teacher to take time out of their ridiculously busy day to tell you what you probably already know is, well, annoying.

I expect that if a professional is calling me with a problem, and they know the solution to the problem, then they will tell me the solution.

Okay. You seem determined to make sure the teacher jumps through all your hoops, even if they are silly and unnecessary. Teachers tend to stop at telling parents what to do in the privacy of their homes; it can seem unprofessional and as if the teacher is stepping over boundaries.

The teacher presented a clear problem. If you as a grown adult and parent can’t figure out the remarkably obvious solution on your own, then there’s no help for you.

Yeah. This is kind of what I’m thinking. I’m guessing you are a teacher.
I don’t have the same issue as the OP, but it’s similar. I often get the feeling that teachers would rather hang out and gossip about what an idiot I am than actually help my kid.
I’m a ER doctor, and I see this in medicine too. People would rather make fun of patients for not figuring things out than actually help.
I guess it’s just human nature.

[Anonymous]

The teacher contacted the parent three times and said the phone was a problem. What do parents want? Smoke signals? A certified letter? The Pony Express?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The teacher contacted the parent three times and said the phone was a problem. What do parents want? Smoke signals? A certified letter? The Pony Express?

The teacher could say, “I would suggest not bringing the phone to school.”

If I see someone with high blood pressure who isn’t taking their meds, then I tell them to take their meds. If I see someone with an alcoholic cirrhosis, then I tell them to stop drinking, give them a list of rehabs and a prescription for Naltrexone.

I do have colleagues who just expect people to connect the dots and make fun of them when they don’t. I think it’s kind of a defense behind feeling impotent and useless when people don’t follow your advice.
It sounds like this is where most if not all teachers are. It’s frustrating, but I get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teacher contacted the parent three times and said the phone was a problem. What do parents want? Smoke signals? A certified letter? The Pony Express?

The teacher could say, “I would suggest not bringing the phone to school.”

If I see someone with high blood pressure who isn’t taking their meds, then I tell them to take their meds. If I see someone with an alcoholic cirrhosis, then I tell them to stop drinking, give them a list of rehabs and a prescription for Naltrexone.

I do have colleagues who just expect people to connect the dots and make fun of them when they don’t. I think it’s kind of a defense behind feeling impotent and useless when people don’t follow your advice.
It sounds like this is where most if not all teachers are. It’s frustrating, but I get it.

This is the lamest thing ever. Teacher calls “your kid has a problem with his phone at school.”

Parent: I have zero clue what to do about this problem.

Or, in the instance, parent: I know my kid has a disruptive problem with his phone but i’m not going to do anything about it because there could be a school shooting and somehow a phone would make a difference in that scenario.

So, the parent in this scenario has decided to do nothing. Regardless of what the teacher might say.

[Anonymous]

In my classroom, all the kids must put their phones ON their desk, face down, silenced. Top corner of desk. In open view.

It's the best way to ensure they aren't using their phones in class. Alternately if phones are "put away," they'll try to sneak and hide the phones behind books, papers, & backpacks.

[Anonymous]

I have no clue why this one poster believes the teacher didn’t say he shouldn’t bring his phone to school when they called home about the phone. I’m certain they suggested it. I in fact DO tell parents how to parent when I call home because if I have to call home, it’s because something is going on that they should’ve been on top of. I tell them things like “I know your son thinks 9:30 is early but that is when school starts. He is failing his first classes on A and B day because he doesn’t come. You have to make him come.” I also say “you need to make him leave his phone at home with you” for the kids who can’t get off the phone.

Needless to say, the advice is never taken even when it’s given. I can tell you that calling home has never, not once, made any real difference in a kid’s trajectory. It’s just required but it doesn’t ever change anything. At that point I accept the kid will probably fail, document it, and focus on the kids I can help learn. It is what it is. These kids are in my car for 88 minutes every other day for 10 months, they are your children for life. You simply have to be more involved and invested in helping them than I am.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the obvious solution is to take away the phone, why doesn’t the teacher just say that? “Because of this, your son is no longer allowed to have a phone in school.”
Or
“I recommend that you don’t allow your son to bring his phone to school.”
Maybe it should be obvious to the parents, but maybe it isn’t for whatever reason?
What’s the point of being coy?

Teachers are usually advised not to comment on parenting. That’s a great way for us to get complaints filed with administrators. Many of us also aren’t allowed to place limits either, like saying the child can’t bring the phone.

This really is on the parent and the child to figure out.

I’m really just trying to figure this out. It seems crazy that you can see an obvious solution to a problem at school, but you aren’t allowed to tell the parents what it is.

And this isn’t parenting. This is classroom management.

No. It’s parenting. I didn’t buy the phone for my students. I am not allowed to take their phone either. Who bought it and can take it? Their parent.

But the teacher could suggest to the parent not to have the kid bring the phone to school anymore.

Why do you need the teacher to do that? The teacher, depending on level, can have up to 150 students. Even if they have half that number, do you really expect them to parent 75 students? Plus, phones are just one of MANY things a teacher needs to manage during a class period.

The fact you need a teacher to take time out of their ridiculously busy day to tell you what you probably already know is, well, annoying.

I expect that if a professional is calling me with a problem, and they know the solution to the problem, then they will tell me the solution.

Okay. You seem determined to make sure the teacher jumps through all your hoops, even if they are silly and unnecessary. Teachers tend to stop at telling parents what to do in the privacy of their homes; it can seem unprofessional and as if the teacher is stepping over boundaries.

The teacher presented a clear problem. If you as a grown adult and parent can’t figure out the remarkably obvious solution on your own, then there’s no help for you.

Yeah. This is kind of what I’m thinking. I’m guessing you are a teacher.
I don’t have the same issue as the OP, but it’s similar. I often get the feeling that teachers would rather hang out and gossip about what an idiot I am than actually help my kid.
I’m a ER doctor, and I see this in medicine too. People would rather make fun of patients for not figuring things out than actually help.
I guess it’s just human nature.

I am a teacher. I’m far too professional and too adult to sit around and make fun of parents. I’m also too busy. I’m a bit surprised to hear ER doctors have time to mock patients.

I have 142 students and 2 children of my own. I do not have 144 children of my own. I can’t parent for you. I can explain to you multiple times that your child’s cell phone use is a problem at school. I do not have the authority to take the phone, change its settings, or tell the child to leave it at home. You are the parent, so you do have that authority.

I’m not sure why this is so difficult for you. Perhaps you don’t want to be the bad guy to your own child. (“Sorry, but your teacher says I have to take your phone.”) Perhaps you truly can’t determine that the solution to repeatedly misusing the phone is to take it away. I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that I’m not parenting 144 children.

[Anonymous]

^this is the problem. Most parents don’t want to be the bad guy. They want US to be the bad guy, and actually, I am fine with that except in cases like this where I don’t have the ability to be the bad guy. I have it in writing from my admin explicitly stating DO NOT take a child’s phone. If we do, and a parent escalates, admin cannot and will not back us, which means as far as the parents want to take it, we are on our own. Nobody is dealing with that.

It’s a huge shift from even 6-7 years ago that the majority of parents I talk to now seem to truly believe that they cannot, in any way, exert influence over their children. There is a lack of understanding that active parenting did not and does not stop just because they are no longer little, it simply changed. (This is not all parents btw- the ones who get this and are actively involved in being the parent to their kids, I never have to call them, because their kids are not a problem. They’re either doing the right thing generally or, in the event they’re not, accept redirection and comply with my request to not skip class, not sleep, put the phone away, etc). But the parents I DO have to call about their kids because the behavior has gotten to that point? Generally hopeless because they don’t get that they are still supposed to be parenting these kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stories like these make me mad. Not being defensive as my kids have never gotten in trouble due to this, but why are all teachers not having students put phone on a table up front when they get into class? It is like baiting kids to be distracted when taking the phones away removes the distraction. I have zero patience for helpless teachers like these not implementing a simple solution.

Because kids steal each other's phones, or they get burner phones and keep theirs, or parents have a fit about kids not having their phones, or administration tells you it's not allowed because they are afraid of parents.

This.

Thanks for criticizing teachers yet again when this is the students fault. I teach middle school and somehow my sixth graders are able to keep their phones away (or they get taken- school policy) yet this 16 year old can’t seem to manage.

OP, your son doesn’t need to bring his phone to school. If he needs to be reachable for sports or after school stuff, get him a non-smart phone. Not sure what the school policy on phones is, at my school we take it if we see it out, give it back end of period. If more than once, it’s to the dean and parents have to come pick it up. This has mostly eliminated issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The calls we received were from 3 separate teachers over 1.5 years. They all had the same theme- messing around, not paying attention, ignoring directions, talking, distracted. He is also not failing, he is a B/C student and got a D in chemistry. I don't think the situation is as dire as some PP's interpreted it to be.

We have since installed an app that allows us to lock down his phone and monitor everything.

I agree with everyone about possible ADHD or depression.

I was like him in the pre phone era and it was adhd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The teacher contacted the parent three times and said the phone was a problem. What do parents want? Smoke signals? A certified letter? The Pony Express?

The teacher could say, “I would suggest not bringing the phone to school.”

If I see someone with high blood pressure who isn’t taking their meds, then I tell them to take their meds. If I see someone with an alcoholic cirrhosis, then I tell them to stop drinking, give them a list of rehabs and a prescription for Naltrexone.

I do have colleagues who just expect people to connect the dots and make fun of them when they don’t. I think it’s kind of a defense behind feeling impotent and useless when people don’t follow your advice.
It sounds like this is where most if not all teachers are. It’s frustrating, but I get it.

The difference is that patients come to you looking for advice. A teacher calling a parent is a different dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This kid should not have a smartphone or any other electronics. No need for headphones if he has nothing to listen to. He can have the most basic dumb phone only for emergencies. That’s it.

Can you explain what is hard about that decision? It honestly seems so obvious to me.

What's hard is that parents who take the phone and give it back and take it again, don't realize that it's not actually effective in changing the unwanted behavior. It puts a temporary end to it, sure, but if it was effective, why do you have to keep doing it over and over again? Please name a parent who has used this strategy and it's been one and done.

Going around the phone merry-go-round is not a long-term solution to disrespectful behavior- it will just shift and show up in other ways.

But that’s the point. This kid should not have a smart phone or electronics, PERIOD. It shouldn’t be just taken away for a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In your place I would take away his phone. If he needs a phone for call/ text while getting to and from school, you could get him a "dumb" phone.

He has to earn his technology privileges back once he meets the benchmarks you set - be it a certain grade for each class and no notifications from school, or whatever.

And definitely no need for airbuds during the school day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:20 years ago my high school had a rule that it had to be in your locker. And if it came out, assistant principals would confíscate it. And parents had to go pick it up to get it back.

I understand teachers not taking phones but I fail to see why principals or admins can’t?

That’s a good idea! The responsibility of the phone is the parent’s, so the parent is inconvenienced and to come collect the phone if mis-used. Not the teacher.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:20 years ago my high school had a rule that it had to be in your locker. And if it came out, assistant principals would confíscate it. And parents had to go pick it up to get it back.

I understand teachers not taking phones but I fail to see why principals or admins can’t?

That’s a good idea! The responsibility of the phone is the parent’s, so the parent is inconvenienced and to come collect the phone if mis-used. Not the teacher.

Administrators are rightfully wary about confiscating phones. Parents have a tendency to get defensive and angry when a school takes their child’s property.

Our administration used to collect phones that were confiscated by teachers throughout the day. This stopped because our front office workers were getting routinely abused by they parents who came to pick them up.