Downsizing In Laws

[Anonymous]

How can you not afford to outsource when there are multiple $50,000 art pieces in an attic?

But realistically, what have you accomplished in 4 months? Are you a sahm? Or is your time just worth nothing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It isn't trash. My FIL was very senior in the State DEpartmnet and spent a lot of time in Persia. There are dozens of rugs worth thousands each, countless woerks of art that could be worth $50 or $50,000. There are the usual boxes of magazines and records comingled with a century of family photos. My MIL has pre war Japanese china and a few crockery pieces that supposedly came from England in the 17th century. It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

Sorry, they aren't like your inlaws living in trailers on cat food.

Uh, so you're wrong - there absolutely IS money to throw at this problem. You contact the one of 8 billion people that specialize in art/furnishings, and you tell them to come take everything they want for a price. The end.

[Anonymous]

Hire a rug appraiser for the rugs and sell them. Keep the ones you want. Maybe one for each of your kids.
China is practically worthless. No one wants old china, especially cause so much of it has lead. Maybe keep a showpiece or two, but donate the rest.
Dump or donate everything else.
Don't waste hundreds of $$$s storing junk for your kids to deal with.
As for the siblings, do a FaceTime and tell them that if they want something, you'll pack it up (within reason), but they need to pay for shipping.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

This is a husband problem. After you properly pack and store it, what are you/he going to DO with it? Wouldn't it be better to say goodbye now and offload it to someone who actually wants to use it? This all sounds very aspirational but not rooted in reality or sanity.

[Anonymous]

My two siblings and I had to do this for our parents (also a large house). I don’t understand why it’s taking so long. We got it done in 5 days (3 of us - no spouses helped). You have to be ruthless and purge, purge, purge. We probably took 20 loads to good will, a huge trash pile that we arranged for their city to pick up, and moved (only) a few items that family members wanted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My two siblings and I had to do this for our parents (also a large house). I don’t understand why it’s taking so long. We got it done in 5 days (3 of us - no spouses helped). You have to be ruthless and purge, purge, purge. We probably took 20 loads to good will, a huge trash pile that we arranged for their city to pick up, and moved (only) a few items that family members wanted.

Ok. Me again. Just saw that there is some valuable stuff there. Get an estate sale person in. Keep the little that someone in your family *actually wants to keep* and sell the rest.

[Anonymous]

I would hire people to help you and reimburse yourself out of the proceeds from items you sell. Also include any disposal costs, cleaning fees, etc. Essentially you're treating this like an estate you're liquidating and you can deduct all the expenses from the proceeds.

If the brothers want any items they should get on a plane and pick them up; otherwise they get sold and they get a share of the proceeds, after you've reimbursed yourself for your hired help.

I've been through this - we downsized both sets of parents within a 2 month period, with some helpful siblings and some who did nothing. Now we are settling my in laws estate after they passed away in the past year. We paid for for a ton of family travel for the funeral plus shipping expenses, cleaning services, hiring out for painting and carpeting to sell their condo, etc. It was about $50,000 and worth every penny to not have the burden fall just on us. My husband's siblings gave no objection to us for spending this money and getting help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It isn't trash. My FIL was very senior in the State DEpartmnet and spent a lot of time in Persia. There are dozens of rugs worth thousands each, countless woerks of art that could be worth $50 or $50,000. There are the usual boxes of magazines and records comingled with a century of family photos. My MIL has pre war Japanese china and a few crockery pieces that supposedly came from England in the 17th century. It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

Sorry, they aren't like your inlaws living in trailers on cat food.

Yet you’re whining about money? Looks like the pack rat genes passed to your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Just have an estate sale and trash/donate whatever is left. Been there, done that. Get it done as fast as possible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It isn't trash. My FIL was very senior in the State DEpartmnet and spent a lot of time in Persia. There are dozens of rugs worth thousands each, countless woerks of art that could be worth $50 or $50,000. There are the usual boxes of magazines and records comingled with a century of family photos. My MIL has pre war Japanese china and a few crockery pieces that supposedly came from England in the 17th century. It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

Sorry, they aren't like your inlaws living in trailers on cat food.

If no one wants it then guess what? IT IS TRASH. Sounds like you just want to make excuses.

[Anonymous]

PP maybe 3rd time but wanted to suggest you find out if there are neighbors who might want furniture. For my parent, three different neighbors were thrilled to walk down the street to collect items they really wanted from our house. We gave away a huge dining room table + chairs, a beach bike, another neighbor asked for a children’s table and chairs. All of these items were cleared within an hour.

Depending, you could also put out some items curbside and mark “free.”

Another tip: my parent had a huge shred pile and had attempted to shred at home with a rinky dink shredder - I collected all and took it to UPS and for less than $20 (get a coupon) - done/cleared and huge timesaver.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It isn't trash. My FIL was very senior in the State DEpartmnet and spent a lot of time in Persia. There are dozens of rugs worth thousands each, countless woerks of art that could be worth $50 or $50,000. There are the usual boxes of magazines and records comingled with a century of family photos. My MIL has pre war Japanese china and a few crockery pieces that supposedly came from England in the 17th century. It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

Sorry, they aren't like your inlaws living in trailers on cat food.

You are a real rhymes with witch. And a lazy, inefficient one at that. If indeed their stuff is so valuable don’t you have the common sense to hire an appraiser to sort them out? Looks like you’re just exaggerating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It isn't trash. My FIL was very senior in the State DEpartmnet and spent a lot of time in Persia. There are dozens of rugs worth thousands each, countless woerks of art that could be worth $50 or $50,000. There are the usual boxes of magazines and records comingled with a century of family photos. My MIL has pre war Japanese china and a few crockery pieces that supposedly came from England in the 17th century. It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

Sorry, they aren't like your inlaws living in trailers on cat food.

If no one wants it then guess what? IT IS TRASH. Sounds like you just want to make excuses.

+2 I’m sorry but you have to be realistic. It’s hard to sell this stuff nowadays. Younger people don’t live in big houses with room for expensive antiques. Get them moved into their new condo with the stuff they need, and then get to selling and/or trashing the rest. Yes, you’ll have to hire an estate sale company.

[Anonymous]

I thought you were going to downsize your inlaws ... so you'd maybe cut some of them out of your life!! LOL. That might have been easier than what you are undertaking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

It isn't trash. My FIL was very senior in the State DEpartmnet and spent a lot of time in Persia. There are dozens of rugs worth thousands each, countless woerks of art that could be worth $50 or $50,000. There are the usual boxes of magazines and records comingled with a century of family photos. My MIL has pre war Japanese china and a few crockery pieces that supposedly came from England in the 17th century. It isn't junk and it takes time t properly pack and store. DH doesn't want to part with it and wnats to keep it in the family.

Sorry, they aren't like your inlaws living in trailers on cat food.

DP. Your folks sound like mine, down to the Persian rugs and pre-war Japanese china. Interview estate liquidation companies. They will tell you whether the stuff is worth enough for them to take the job. You will get much much less than you think it's worth but it will save you much aggravation and your valuable time.

Weirdly same here - we lived in Iran in the 70's and grandparents lived in Japan in the 30's. We recently emptied a parents house and the Persian rugs just aren't worth that much anymore. They aren't really in style at the moment, and most have 50+ years of wear as they were actually used (and some were old to start with). We kept some of them to try to sell and actually gave a couple away. The Japanese stuff is more valuable, and doesn't take up much space.

We ended up trashing/donating most things. It was much easier to do once the parent had moved out. We just made big piles of donate/trash and very small piles of keep, and had someone come periodically to haul things away.