Downsizing In Laws

[Anonymous]

My DH's parents are downsizing majorly. They have had a 5 bedroom house in Fairfax since 1964. The stuff in the attic alone is a moving truckload. They raised three kids there and are moving to a quasi assited living/retirement communiy. It's a 700sqf two bed condo, really.

DH has two brothers- one in Dallas who is broke and divorced and another in San Diego who is married to a woman with RA, three kids, and makes maybe 120,000.

So, for the last four months it has been me and my DH going through everything and trashing or storing the items.

I'm sick of it and I'm starting to hate his brothers. We can't outsource it because the money isnt there.

What am I supposed to do? I can't do this anymore.

[Anonymous]

Have a family meeting, ask them its too much and you can't do it, they need to pull their weight. They just have to take a few days off to drive their, surly hime has beds and kitchen so they don't need to spend money on hotels.

[Anonymous]

Trash more, store less.

Ask them to either come up and spend a weekend doing it, or pay to outsource. Their choice.

[Anonymous]

What is being stored and why? Very little is worth being stored. What about having a downsizing estate sale? If you are putting things for other family members in storage, I'd let them know they have 6 months to figure out how to come and get it. If they don't get it, just start getting rid of stuff. His parents will never know. You can tell brothers that you don't know what mom and dad did with it.

[Anonymous]

Unless you're going to pay to fly out one or both of the brothers, you're no better than they are. If "the money isn't there" from you to pay for help, why should "the money be there" from them?

You're not moving, your ILs are. You don't have to help. But if you're going to help, then help. It's a choice. Own your choices, live your choices.

[Anonymous]

Get some volunteers from their friends or yours.

[Anonymous]

Why is it there responsibility to help. If you don’t want to stop b

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is being stored and why? Very little is worth being stored. What about having a downsizing estate sale? If you are putting things for other family members in storage, I'd let them know they have 6 months to figure out how to come and get it. If they don't get it, just start getting rid of stuff. His parents will never know. You can tell brothers that you don't know what mom and dad did with it.

Over the course of a week, I helped empty out a house where the resident had moved to a nursing home after living there for 50 years. There was a ton of stuff! But ultimately, there's not generally that much stuff worth keeping, since most family members already have fully-furnished homes of their own.

Are you trying to get them downsized before their move? If it has already taken you four months, that method isn't working. Honestly, in your situation I'd focus on getting the parents moved--they can take whatever they like best (or the furniture that fits) to their new home. Then you know that everything else is lower priority to them. You can either put it all in storage (if that's their preference) or do a combination of dividing up among siblings and getting rid of the rest (if they're OK with that).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it there responsibility to help. If you don’t want to stop b

Uhh, because it is their mom and dad and they are incapable of doing it without help?

But, you are right- I should just tell an 84 yo old couple who can barely do stairs "Best of luck! Lets us know when it's time to split the proceeds from the sale!"

Totally bizarre reactions here. Oh well.

[Anonymous]

I agree with those who say almost everything should be trashed.

Just go through with them and pick out a few things that you want to keep. Then have a junk in my trunk place take everything else.

[Anonymous]

A family in our neighborhood had a wicked divorce. The one spouse (at the end of it) wanted nothing to do with that life. Took what they wanted (almost nothing) to their new place/life. The rest of it, they just walked away one morning (toothbrushes still in the sink, literally left behind). They arranged an estate sale of sorts. People just walked through the home and bought what they wanted for pennies. And I guess what wasn't bought was donated or trashed?

You could do something like that.

[Anonymous]

Are you sifting through each individual item to see if it has any value? Just get a dumpster for 2 weeks and trash 90% of it without even looking. They don't need anything in the attic, basement, crawlspace etc. They can pack some suitcases, tag some furniture and be done with the rest.

[Anonymous]

What is the relevance of 120k. Is this supposed to be poverty wages that render someone unable to purchase a plane ticket?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What is the relevance of 120k. Is this supposed to be poverty wages that render someone unable to purchase a plane ticket?

If you're supporting five people on it in a HCOL area and your spouse is ill than, yeah, you're not going to be flying across the country for this.

[Anonymous]

You can blame this on the siblings, but it is ultimately a husband problem. You may just have to tell him you cannot help anymore. When you say you cannot afford to outsource, what does that really mean? Assume you call 800 Got Junk — can they just come and empty the house? Could you afford that? If not, can you hire 3 dumpsters and literally just throw everything in? Why are you spending time sorting and storing? Just trash it all. If there are a few pieces your husband really cares about, then he can grab them.