How to know if you want a 3rd baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. Many people I know have a third because it's a status symbol in this area

Yep. And then act shocked that it’s hard and they are tired.

Can you guys expand on why you feel the third was a status symbol?

Mom influencers on social media always have 3+ kids and always make it look like everything is clean and organized and the kids always wear coordinating outfits. It’s almost subliminal that you aren’t a good mom or a real mom if you don’t have 3+ kids.

When you make money off your kids (and you're the type of person who thinks this is okay), you're probably going to keep having them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. Many people I know have a third because it's a status symbol in this area

You figured me out! I went through all the nausea/puking of a third pregnancy, childbirth that further damaged my pelvic floor, bought a minivan and bunk beds for my older 2, and am going through diapers and toddlerhood all over again just so I can earn some status points.

It was supposed to be a secret, but the 3+ kids status comes with perks like a private lounge and extra rewards points.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Believe me, most people have third one because it's what everyone else is having one or to save their deteriorating marriage, not because they are craving more diapers changes or sleepless nights.

I don’t think anyone ever “craves” any of these things regardless of how many kids they have. You just take the bad along with the good to have the number of kids you want. Just because you want to stop at 1 or 2 doesn’t mean that is what everyone else should want. Many families have a third baby for the same reason you had your first and second.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

Your honesty is appreciated, most people who did it try to push difficulties under the rug.

I’ve heard from a few close friends in confidence that the third is too many and they would have been better staying with two. Point being, I’d only have a third if you really want one despite knowing it will be much harder. Not with the mindset that it will all work out or not be so bad. Not everyone feels that way obviously, and there are plenty of opposite examples, but none of my friends thought they would when they made the choice to have their third.

I’ve seen this touted on this board so many times that numerous parents of 3+ are out there confiding that 3 is too many. But as a mom of 3 who is close friends with a lot of other families with 3+ kids (even some with special needs), I have not once heard this sentiment.

If anything, we’re all like yeah it’s crazy at times, but it’s also fun. Some even say they wish they had the time/resources to have one more.

But we’re in an expensive close-in neighborhood where people have money to outsource, hire a nanny, add on to their house, travel as a family of 5+, etc. Many families have at least one parent who is PT or in a flexible job.

If you’re at the brink with 1 or 2, you should definitely stop. I’m guessing people without flexibility, family help, or disposable income are the ones most likely to wish they had stopped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. Many people I know have a third because it's a status symbol in this area

Yep. And then act shocked that it’s hard and they are tired.

Can you guys expand on why you feel the third was a status symbol?

Mom influencers on social media always have 3+ kids and always make it look like everything is clean and organized and the kids always wear coordinating outfits. It’s almost subliminal that you aren’t a good mom or a real mom if you don’t have 3+ kids.

I highly doubt Instagram momfluencers, who are often SAHMs in the exurbs or Mormons in UT or wherever, are representative of the families we are discussing on DCUM. I have 3 kids, barely post on SM, and none of them have coordinating outfits. They do have a gazillion sports uniforms and camp t-shirts to keep washed though. 😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Believe me, most people have third one because it's what everyone else is having one or to save their deteriorating marriage, not because they are craving more diapers changes or sleepless nights.

Not what I've seen in real life. The people with bad marriages had #2 to save it, they weren't dumb enough to have 3.

We had a 3rd because we loved babies, had enough resources to make it feasible, easy pregnancies, dh was an excellent father. But mostly we wanted that "big family feel". We knew we'd never be able to have 5 or so, but 3 was doable. And yes- with 3 we definitely have that big family feel. Holidays are super fun. My kids won't ever have any cousins or aunts/uncles, but they do have each other for fun while growing up.

Agree, having a third to make a point makes no sense. I’m a mom of 3 myself. I think you’re right that #2 is often “expected” as that is the “correct” number of kids, so sometimes people have a second without truly wanting one maybe? But honestly all the people I know like all of their kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

Your honesty is appreciated, most people who did it try to push difficulties under the rug.

I’ve heard from a few close friends in confidence that the third is too many and they would have been better staying with two. Point being, I’d only have a third if you really want one despite knowing it will be much harder. Not with the mindset that it will all work out or not be so bad. Not everyone feels that way obviously, and there are plenty of opposite examples, but none of my friends thought they would when they made the choice to have their third.

I’ve seen this touted on this board so many times that numerous parents of 3+ are out there confiding that 3 is too many. But as a mom of 3 who is close friends with a lot of other families with 3+ kids (even some with special needs), I have not once heard this sentiment.

If anything, we’re all like yeah it’s crazy at times, but it’s also fun. Some even say they wish they had the time/resources to have one more.

But we’re in an expensive close-in neighborhood where people have money to outsource, hire a nanny, add on to their house, travel as a family of 5+, etc. Many families have at least one parent who is PT or in a flexible job.

If you’re at the brink with 1 or 2, you should definitely stop. I’m guessing people without flexibility, family help, or disposable income are the ones most likely to wish they had stopped.

Well, duh. You're not someone they would say this to because you have 3 kids!

[Anonymous]

DH and I had always talked about having 3. I can’t fully explain it, but literally hours after having our second when I was 37, I felt a deep desire to try for the third as soon as my OB said it was okay. It made me incredibly sad to think that our second was our last. Got pregnant with our third on the first try (one time!) at 5 months postpartum (OB said to wait 6 months to try but I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen the first month).

[Anonymous]

Your husband must've been horrified that it was a home run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband must've been horrified that it was a home run.

Why would he be horrified?

[Anonymous]

Presumably the guy enjoys making the effort to conceive quite a bit. Maybe not?

[svjeta]

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 nearly 37 and need to decide asap if I want a third. I am easily talked into it, and easily talked out of it. I feel now in our circles people have 3 to prove something (wealth mainly) which annoys me. I can monetarily afford it, and I had 2 easy and healthy pregnancies. I am just wondering if I would regret it if I didn't. (For what it's worth I have 2 girls, 3&1)

Just have the kid if you want another one idk. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

Your honesty is appreciated, most people who did it try to push difficulties under the rug.

I’ve heard from a few close friends in confidence that the third is too many and they would have been better staying with two. Point being, I’d only have a third if you really want one despite knowing it will be much harder. Not with the mindset that it will all work out or not be so bad. Not everyone feels that way obviously, and there are plenty of opposite examples, but none of my friends thought they would when they made the choice to have their third.

I’ve seen this touted on this board so many times that numerous parents of 3+ are out there confiding that 3 is too many. But as a mom of 3 who is close friends with a lot of other families with 3+ kids (even some with special needs), I have not once heard this sentiment.

If anything, we’re all like yeah it’s crazy at times, but it’s also fun. Some even say they wish they had the time/resources to have one more.

But we’re in an expensive close-in neighborhood where people have money to outsource, hire a nanny, add on to their house, travel as a family of 5+, etc. Many families have at least one parent who is PT or in a flexible job.

If you’re at the brink with 1 or 2, you should definitely stop. I’m guessing people without flexibility, family help, or disposable income are the ones most likely to wish they had stopped.

I think so too. It comes down to being able to afford/having the flexibility to raise three kids the way you want to.

That said… I have a relative who said they should have stopped at 2 and on the surface, they have it all (2 careers, money, healthy kids etc.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

This is exactly! Also, mom to 3 boys