How to know if you want a 3rd baby

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you are not committed and excited about having a third don’t do it. And your spouse needs to be committed too.

This. We both desperately wanted a third, and he’s a joy!

[Anonymous]

It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. Many people I know have a third because it's a status symbol in this area

How do you know that…? People on here are so mean and judgmental.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm 36 nearly 37 and need to decide asap if I want a third. I am easily talked into it, and easily talked out of it. I feel now in our circles people have 3 to prove something (wealth mainly) which annoys me. I can monetarily afford it, and I had 2 easy and healthy pregnancies. I am just wondering if I would regret it if I didn't. (For what it's worth I have 2 girls, 3&1)

What actions do people take where people walk away with this impression? Like sure wealthy people might have three children, but people say things like this and I'm like what do they roll up to pick up with a cigar hanging out of their mouth and reminisce at the bus stop in an astin martin and go on about how Wallace Tripoly IInd only came into existence so they could rub their wealth in people's faces? This is an absurd takeaway and really would love an actual example of something someone does that conveys this message rather than wealthy people simply living in a way that clearly implies they are wealthy and other people being jealous.

I am not particularly wealthy BTW but do have three kids!

Actually, people have a third kid specifically because of its effect on random people like OP. Literally, it’s the only possible reason that someone would choose to bring another human into this world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

Your honesty is appreciated, most people who did it try to push difficulties under the rug.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only if you are fine having three daughters.

Why wouldn't she?

Because variety is often the reason to have third when people already have two of same gender.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

Your honesty is appreciated, most people who did it try to push difficulties under the rug.

There are times I look at them and think wow, this is a lot of kids. And being outnumbered is really hard.

We have no family help, at all, or a disposable income to pay for a nanny. So it is hard.

But again, he’s very cute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only if you are fine having three daughters.

Why wouldn't she?

Because variety is often the reason to have third when people already have two of same gender.

This. We wanted three children. I didn’t “try for a girl”. We wanted 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand the hostility from people with smaller families against people who have 3 or more kids. I had 3 because I love babies and enjoyed growing up as 1 of 4 and the dynamics of a family where the parent kid ratio wasn't 1:1 and wanted that for my kids. Others might prefer the smaller ratio - that doesn't make one better or worse or some weird sort of status flex
I have many friends with fewer than 3 from choice or circumstance and their families seem great too I wouldn't recommend anyone have another child unless they really wanted to - seems unwise to just do it because others are doing it

[Anonymous]

Imagine a scenario where you grow old without a third kid, and one where you have the third kid. Further detail your scenarios with absence or presence of special needs (autism and ADHD are the most common ones that cannot be tested for during pregnancy).

Which scenario do you regret the most?

Every time I have a miscarriage, I'm really bummed. It brings home to me that I really want that 3rd kid, risks and all.

[Anonymous]

I’m really struggling with the same question. I’m 35. I’d like a third child but am very nervous about rocking the boat, getting older, the cost, the impact on traveling, going through pregnancy, newborn and toddlerhood again, and whether it would just be too much.

Yet I can’t stop thinking about it.

I love my two kids more than anything and part of what makes the decision hard is that I think there are unique upsides to both two kid families and three kids families.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a LOT of work and expense and makes everything more complicated.

He’s the cutest of our 3 boys though!

Your honesty is appreciated, most people who did it try to push difficulties under the rug.

I’ve heard from a few close friends in confidence that the third is too many and they would have been better staying with two. Point being, I’d only have a third if you really want one despite knowing it will be much harder. Not with the mindset that it will all work out or not be so bad. Not everyone feels that way obviously, and there are plenty of opposite examples, but none of my friends thought they would when they made the choice to have their third.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the hostility from people with smaller families against people who have 3 or more kids. I had 3 because I love babies and enjoyed growing up as 1 of 4 and the dynamics of a family where the parent kid ratio wasn't 1:1 and wanted that for my kids. Others might prefer the smaller ratio - that doesn't make one better or worse or some weird sort of status flex
I have many friends with fewer than 3 from choice or circumstance and their families seem great too I wouldn't recommend anyone have another child unless they really wanted to - seems unwise to just do it because others are doing it

Totally agree. I had a third because I’m my soul I was not done having children. Also, just as not everyone likes large families, not everyone likes small families. I had one sibling and always wanted more — I had and continue to have issues with the way the 2 kid dynamic worked in my family. DH is 1 of 4 and although it has its flaws of course, I love get togethers with his family and also wanted our kids to have multiple sibling relationships to draw from.

It’s not for everyone and that’s absolutely fine. Super confused why anyone thinks that having more than 2 is some kind of status symbol. (What kind of people are you guys hanging out with?)

[Anonymous]

I have never met anyone who thought having children was a status symbol (and I am around some very status conscious people). If that is true you should find a new social circle.

As for three, its wonderful to have three we have loved it. You can make the argument that you really don’t get the hang of parenting until the third one (that’s been true for us). However, not to be too dark, as you get older the chances of disability and defect become greater. We know some wonderful people who have a seriously disabled child- it is heartbreaking. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

If you both are not desperate to have a third, then don’t. It’s so, so much harder. I say this as someone who deeply wants more kids, but we can’t, for multiple reasons.