New team mean girls advice

[Anonymous]

Toxic means no fun, stay away

[Anonymous]

OP here. All great points and this might be the first thread ever without a troll! Probably just jinxed it.
Too bad we don’t all have the same age kids because I think we could start a new team with the anti-clique players!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. All great points and this might be the first thread ever without a troll! Probably just jinxed it.
Too bad we don’t all have the same age kids because I think we could start a new team with the anti-clique players!

I'm happy you got something positive out of this thread and I really do hope a good solution can be found for your player.

[Anonymous]

+1000 evidence we can be better to each other and actually be a reliable source to navigate this ever changing club soccer world

[Anonymous]

The display by mainly girls parents the past couple weeks on this forum on multiple threads should make it no surprise you're possibly walking into a hell war zone joining a new girl's team

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The display by mainly girls parents the past couple weeks on this forum on multiple threads should make it no surprise you're possibly walking into a hell war zone joining a new girl's team

Yes it's awful for girls. Especially if the coach or club doesn't address the nonsense.

Problem is girls soccer is the golden goose for most youth clubs. Female parents pay more for soccer and the parents are more willing to pay for privates or outside training sessions than boys are. On top of everything else female's don't get the testosterone boost boys do at puberty. This means all the players are roughly the same. You end up with lord of the flies type situations with both players and parents.

On the highest level teams the nonsense goes away because the entire focus is on ability and what players bring to the team.

[Anonymous]

Daughter will be playing her first year of ECNL and on a new team. She’s excited but these forums are making me nervous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter will be playing her first year of ECNL and on a new team. She’s excited but these forums are making me nervous.

Every team is different. Any kid joining my daughter's former team was warmly welcomed. Sure they were always a few cliquey mean girls but 80% of the team was not and just ignore them. She switched to a new team and the first few months were rough, she felt like the outsider but it was more her than the girls. She is now loving it.
As a parents I would suggest outings for the girls to give them time to bond outside the field. Team dinners, bowling, etc. It helped a lot. Good luck to your kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Daughter will be playing her first year of ECNL and on a new team. She’s excited but these forums are making me nervous.

dont be… its a fun experience. Toxcity can be managed via multiple options. Get to know ur coach however because that is where the buck stops in most cases. Encourage your DD to br irreplaceable and outspoken even if its not in her nature. This is the time to build management and social navigating skills. Wont be w em in college and beyond.

And dont trip if thr coaches coddle and protect their favorites…As long as they aren’t at a direct impact to ur kids experience. From what ive seen the truly great players find ways naturally to separate… and if the team works against them its to the team’s detriment and will ultimately get them replaced… as no ID seasons or playoff trips normally lead to changes. Keep tabs and stats…and video… so if u have a gripe to bring up u can factually approach ur coach w it.


Its a competition even in the club. Encourage her to come w her A game every practice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is actually more helpful than I expected. To answer several comments: she WAS significantly better than most but is starting to not show it. One PP has it on the nose: she is being more than snubbed on the field. It’s pass to anyone but her by the controlling group. She is kind but shy. She can lead but prefers to act rather than talk. I can’t play for private coaching, but she works on her own all the time. I agree, we can try patience and see if she can step up… ugh.

If you want to win at the highest levels players have to play as a team.

If you're winning but a clique is avoiding passing to certain players it's an obvious sign that you're not playing in a high level league.

can confirm all this…. Can also confirm the problem players on her team are getting cut or kissing A$$ now to get bk good w the coach who is sick of their losing record.

Air that ish out w the coach. Just like grown folk work its about leverage. If ur kid is a cog for success they will hear you out at least and make adjustments for the better of the team.

For example ive seen a team go from a losing team where the coach looked out for her favorite substandard players and responded to parents grievances w adjustments and a losing record to a new coach who trimmed the fat and turned things around while pushing parents offf…… was a beautiful thing to witness for those kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is actually more helpful than I expected. To answer several comments: she WAS significantly better than most but is starting to not show it. One PP has it on the nose: she is being more than snubbed on the field. It’s pass to anyone but her by the controlling group. She is kind but shy. She can lead but prefers to act rather than talk. I can’t play for private coaching, but she works on her own all the time. I agree, we can try patience and see if she can step up… ugh.

If you want to win at the highest levels players have to play as a team.

If you're winning but a clique is avoiding passing to certain players it's an obvious sign that you're not playing in a high level league.

can confirm all this…. Can also confirm the problem players on her team are getting cut or kissing A$$ now to get bk good w the coach who is sick of their losing record.

Air that ish out w the coach. Just like grown folk work its about leverage. If ur kid is a cog for success they will hear you out at least and make adjustments for the better of the team.

For example ive seen a team go from a losing team where the coach looked out for her favorite substandard players and responded to parents grievances w adjustments and a losing record to a new coach who trimmed the fat and turned things around while pushing parents offf…… was a beautiful thing to witness for those kids

Thing I have noticed the most about watching the ECNL teams and games is how little emphasis on team play they’re actually is. Your example is obviously counter to what I’ve seen, but for the most part, ECNL and top level travel club soccer seems to be about individual players shining. The players who are more committed to team play and thus maybe not as obviously impactful on the games tend to get overlooked. If you actually want to see teams, develop, and gel together, you have to watch high school. It’s not really a complaint it’s just not what club shocker is really about.