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New team mean girls advice
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Anonymous
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All right, collective wisdom of DCUM… here is the deal. DD U15 switched from mid level team as top player to better team. She should still be one of the top players on new team based on skill, speed etc, but there is a terrible mean girls clique and the start has not been great. She is not one to challenge or upset status quo. The issue is the nastier the girls get, the worse she plays, and the worse she plays, the less she plays, which makes her play even worse. Also she is not playing her preferred position, that is reserved for the meanest girl. And no, we did not know the dynamics to start, just that it is a great team with a coach she really respects. Coach working on the issues but it’s not going to change quickly.
So. Does she try to stick it out? Does she wait for next season and see what happens? Does she say this is ridiculous and go back to old team? Pros of staying: better training, faster games, maybe more college exposure. Also she would see it as failure to go back. Cons: if she doesn’t regain confidence, the exposure and training won’t matter. What is the crowdsourced answer here? |
Anonymous
| Get away from a toxic work environment. |
Anonymous
| If going back to old team is an option I would do that. A great team is not a great team if it doesn’t work for your kid. |
Anonymous
| A team is not great if toxic even if the skills are better |
Anonymous
| The exact thing happened to my daughter. She switched to an upper team that had been together for a few years. The parents were a-holes and friends with the coaches. The girls were demons. She took a few privates with the coaches (a bit of gamesmanship) so they could see her in her element and actually just see her. This helped a lot. She also took outside privates at an organization completely unrelated to her club. This really booster her confidence. Honestly by the end of the season, she was a starter in her position. |
Anonymous
| This is travel? Will the new team release her player card? |
Anonymous
Demons? Trash the parents they cultivate demons but kids are kids leave them off the boards Bro. Not cool |
Anonymous
| I’m sorry she is having a tough time. Teen girls can be terrible. Assuming she wants to leave, I would definitely go back to the old team if it’s an option or look for a new one. I completely understand what you mean about the other players behavior impacting her performance. Did she train with the team before accepting the offer? DS 16 trained with multiple teams this winter and observed his level rose or fell based on environment. He found a much higher level team where the kids immediately welcomed him and it has been the best experience even though we are driving far for practices. We bypassed closer teams with great reputations for the better fit and it has definitely paid off. |
Anonymous
Having been in a similar situation I completely agree that families of demons exist. It disgusts me how frightening and nasty people can be. |
Anonymous
| Unfortunately this is a feature of swapping teams post about u10. My daughter did it and the girls have been terrible to her. They act like she is taking "their" playing time. I lay a great deal on the coach for not nipping it early. |
Anonymous
It’s not every team but it does occur often enough on girls teams. Many of the coaches let it happen and are part of the problem. If you are lucky enough to find a supportive team stay there even if everything else is not perfect. |
Anonymous
My experience the same to be honest. Younger Loudoun teams are the worst. The parents are next level issues and obnoxious. Well known in NoVa for the worst toxic sideline environment. Watch what happens to this thread now. Never ever go or stay at a toxic feeling place. |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry that she's going through this. I'm not surprised as there's a mean girl clique on my daughter's team as well. She's been on the team for a long time, so she just ignores them and focuses on soccer, but I notice those girls seem to favor passing the ball to their clique members over everyone else, which is just silly, bad for the team, and frankly, just makes the clique members look like they make poor decisions on the field. The coach is aware of it, but he doesn't get involved in girl drama.
My advice would be for your daughter to stay on the team, train on her own as well (or with a private coach), keep getting better, and make friends with the girls on the team who are nice (there must be at least one or two). Don't bother trying to become friends with the clique. It never works. If they offer an olive branch, that's another story. The coach is reducing her minutes because he thinks she needs to get better, whether it's mentally or physically. She should keep her coach updated on all of the hard work that she's doing off the field to get better. He'll be invested in her development if he knows that she's putting in the effort. That mean girl attitude trickles down from the parents. So befriend the parents that aren't part of it. |
Anonymous
lol NVA is up early this morning getting posts deleted |
Anonymous
So you've played maybe 3 games? I would stick it out and see if it gets better. Also, if it's only some of the girls, then try to be friends with the nicer girls. I think all teams will have a multiple groups of girls on a team. At this point since it's almost tryout season, then i would look at trying out for other teams. Also, if you are coming on to a new team and there's already an established player, you have to prove to the coach that you should be playing that position. It's not a given that you automatically get the position you want. It helps to be able to play multiple positions. I would encourage her about playing a different position, in the long run it will help her. |