Does a woman need to be high-drive to have a long-term happy marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You know, people often blame the women for the "mismatch" libido. But, a) sometimes the women have the higher drive and b) lots of time it's not about drive.

MOST men are just not very good in bed. They think they are. They've prob had women fake their way through sex and so they believe they are. But most are not. In talking with lots of women over the years, most agree with me on this. It's hard to get excited about sex with someone when it's not very fun. And if I am the one who has to work so hard to make it fun, then I'm even less likely to want to do it.

MOST women are just not very good in bed. In fact, you can replace men with women in your statement and it would be equally true. How does one know how good they are when they have been monogamous for 25 years? If your frame of reference is porn, its unlikely that any of us are very good. If you've been married 25, 30, 35 years and you are still having sex 1-2 times a week neither partner can be bad. Now, the partner may not send you to the moon but being good enough to get constant repeat performances is not bad. I'm clueless if my husband is great but he can still make me O and he is very attentive to my desires. I know he'd like me to do certain things more often so Im definitely not great but I'm good enough.

Sadly, porn creates an unrealistic perception of what sex is all about. Most people aren't that flexible and definitely not that size in the case of men. I'm happy with 20 minutes or so of really good foreplay and then 10 minutes or so of a couple of positions usually of my choosing. Are my husband and I good in bed? We are good enough for each other and that's all that counts.

[Anonymous]

I assume that a marriage works better if the people have similar drives. Barring that, if the drives aren't too far apart so compromises can be made. My drive is higher than my BF's so it's probably for the best that we are unlikely to make it long term for other reasons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your observation OP? How do you know so many details about other couples sex drives?

My drive is still med high at 50 but l stopped being able to have sex with my ExH a couple years before we separated. This was due to our deteriorating relationship, the root of the problem wasn’t sex drives. How in the world would a person outside of our marriage “observe” that?

I’m not the OP but my DH has mentioned that 3 or 4 guys he knows complain A LOT about lack of sex. These guys range in age but are all married 20+ years. So, I guess some guys vent about this…

[Anonymous]

Matched libido is the key.

Also - shared moral code, goals, aspirations, SES, family background.

Also, having money never hurts.

[Anonymous]

You need to have drives that are reasonably matched.