Seizing further contact after turning 18

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is allowed to feel how he feels. You need to support your son. Maybe one day he will be ready to resume communication but you shouldn't force anything now or make him feel bad.

Also, why are you still forcing him to go? No judge is going to make an almost 18 year old go to dad's if he doesn't want to.

I don't understand this either. I know you get teens who have chosen not to see the other parent and no judge has forced them.

[Anonymous]

You respect your 18 year old and let him cut off communication. You no longer need to communicate with them either. Enjoy the peace! You know why your son feels this way, support him. You were following the court order, which I'm sure he understands, so now you get to completely support him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Good luck spending 20K on trying to get a restraining order. That's definitely not going to happen.

You attitude is piss poor. You shouldn't be celebrating this behavior. Just wait, he'll do the same to you. That's what happens when you teach kids that cutting off people is an acceptable solution.

Of course it's acceptable to cut abusive people out of your life.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, but I don't buy this at all. First, if exDH is so awful, why does he want to communicate with DS so badly? Excepting some extreme abusers (which exDH clearly is not, since you didn't mention it), awful fathers don't go to that much trouble to spend time with their children and keep communication open. Sounds more like having to keep exDH in your life has been YOUR frustration, and you have - consciously or unconsciously - passed that on to DS. ExDH sounds like a frustrated parent dealing with a child who has been poisoned against him.

I'm sure DS can go his own way with no legal repercussions, but I don't think you have done him any favors by encouraging this.

[Anonymous]

First, your son doesn’t have to have contact with anybody he doesn’t want to have contact with, especially as an adult. A judge won’t make him see his dad or anybody else, not when he’s 18.

The restraining order gives me pause. Have you sat down and talked about it with him? Explain that people who won’t respect a minor will respect an adult, just because that person is an adult. Explain to him that a restraining order is a legal document and there will be a public record of it. This means that employers and dates, the two things he probably wants more then anything will be able to search his name and see the order. Most people will raise their eyebrows at it however unfair that may be. As I tell my kid “It’s not 1960, most of your interactions will start online, meaning nobody will say “I’ve seen you around town, I never liked your old man anyway, come work for me or date my kid”. Most people will see that restraining order and move along. Your son can file whatever he wants, it may even keep dad away, but there will be other consequences he may not like. Let him know that if Dad’s behavior gets worse, restraining orders will still be a thing, he can always file one then.

I’m assuming that Pops hasn’t done anything to warrant a restraining order and you’ve ignored it because “He’s ill, or troubled” or whatever you’ll say to essentially not mother up and do what you need to do.

If it was my kid, and I do have one the same age as your son, I’d stop the therapy. I’ve never known a kid to benefit from therapy, they just come out with bigger words that can be even more hurtful and a worse attitude. Instead, I’d spend time with your son. My kid and I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts. It’s a great way to talk about relationships, choices, and what happens once a crime has happened. My kid who is smart, actually believed that if a minor murdered someone, “they had a right to privacy” and “nobody will ever know”. She seemed to think that minors could do whatever they wanted and just say “Oh, I wasn’t there” or “my boyfriend started it”. It was astounding to me. She’s a good kid, very sweet, but had imbibed too much in “the right to privacy” And, it makes sense, she sees and hears about “the right to privacy” all the time. She was really surprised to learn that once the cops or courts get involved for whatever reason, you are in real trouble and there’s a good chance all your texts, posts, things you say in person will be discussed publicly.

In fairness, I think I learned this while watching the O.J. trial with my mom.
I’d spend time with your kid talking about these issues, and I’d do it as a mom, not a therapist. I’ve said for years since before I had kids that kids need parent way more then they need a therapist and yes, that sometimes involves discussing things with your kids that you’d never have imagined.

As for the party, I’d not allow it at my house and I’d tell him that. I’d tell him it just isn’t nice. I’m also wondering where he got the idea, do you have friends that have divorce parties? Let your son know that his anger as justified as it may be is starting to get scary. If he needs to do something physical to burn off rage, that’s fine. The party at your house isn’t the place to do it. I would remind him that while he may be 18, it is your house and whatever you say goes. If he doesn’t like it, he can move out. Let him know that even if he does that, there are standards of behavior, a landlord won’t care if he burns a pic of his dad, but they will care a lot of he burns a hole in the carpet or damages a wall, and a landlord may find a way to remove him from the property legally if his behavior is intolerable. The standards are different, the consequences are different, but there is no magic place where he can just do whatever he wants because “He’s 18 now”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You forced him to visit someone he reviled?

I trust my children's acumen on these things, OP. I would have done my best to skirt that custody agreement. There is no way I am forcing my kid to interact with someone who he fights with.

Do not go over your son's head and inform your ex of his plans and events going forward.

NP here.

Tell me you know absolutely nothing about family court and custody agreements, without telling me: exhibit A, above. You can't "skirt" a custody agreement, that's not how it works. Unfortunately, the issue OP has been facing is not uncommon and many times the healthy parent is severely sanctioned by the court if they don't do everything in their power to get the child to go to the other parent. It's awful. And then the abusive/unhealthy parent tries to the use the BS "alienation" card against the other parent, resulting in potentially horrible/unjust outcomes (such as flipping custody - giving primary custody or sole custody to the abusive parent).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: First, your son doesn’t have to have contact with anybody he doesn’t want to have contact with, especially as an adult. A judge won’t make him see his dad or anybody else, not when he’s 18.

The restraining order gives me pause. Have you sat down and talked about it with him? Explain that people who won’t respect a minor will respect an adult, just because that person is an adult. Explain to him that a restraining order is a legal document and there will be a public record of it. This means that employers and dates, the two things he probably wants more then anything will be able to search his name and see the order. Most people will raise their eyebrows at it however unfair that may be. As I tell my kid “It’s not 1960, most of your interactions will start online, meaning nobody will say “I’ve seen you around town, I never liked your old man anyway, come work for me or date my kid”. Most people will see that restraining order and move along. Your son can file whatever he wants, it may even keep dad away, but there will be other consequences he may not like. Let him know that if Dad’s behavior gets worse, restraining orders will still be a thing, he can always file one then.

I’m assuming that Pops hasn’t done anything to warrant a restraining order and you’ve ignored it because “He’s ill, or troubled” or whatever you’ll say to essentially not mother up and do what you need to do.

If it was my kid, and I do have one the same age as your son, I’d stop the therapy. I’ve never known a kid to benefit from therapy, they just come out with bigger words that can be even more hurtful and a worse attitude. Instead, I’d spend time with your son. My kid and I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts. It’s a great way to talk about relationships, choices, and what happens once a crime has happened. My kid who is smart, actually believed that if a minor murdered someone, “they had a right to privacy” and “nobody will ever know”. She seemed to think that minors could do whatever they wanted and just say “Oh, I wasn’t there” or “my boyfriend started it”. It was astounding to me. She’s a good kid, very sweet, but had imbibed too much in “the right to privacy” And, it makes sense, she sees and hears about “the right to privacy” all the time. She was really surprised to learn that once the cops or courts get involved for whatever reason, you are in real trouble and there’s a good chance all your texts, posts, things you say in person will be discussed publicly.

In fairness, I think I learned this while watching the O.J. trial with my mom.
I’d spend time with your kid talking about these issues, and I’d do it as a mom, not a therapist. I’ve said for years since before I had kids that kids need parent way more then they need a therapist and yes, that sometimes involves discussing things with your kids that you’d never have imagined.

As for the party, I’d not allow it at my house and I’d tell him that. I’d tell him it just isn’t nice. I’m also wondering where he got the idea, do you have friends that have divorce parties? Let your son know that his anger as justified as it may be is starting to get scary. If he needs to do something physical to burn off rage, that’s fine. The party at your house isn’t the place to do it. I would remind him that while he may be 18, it is your house and whatever you say goes. If he doesn’t like it, he can move out. Let him know that even if he does that, there are standards of behavior, a landlord won’t care if he burns a pic of his dad, but they will care a lot of he burns a hole in the carpet or damages a wall, and a landlord may find a way to remove him from the property legally if his behavior is intolerable. The standards are different, the consequences are different, but there is no magic place where he can just do whatever he wants because “He’s 18 now”.

Are you high?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, but I don't buy this at all. First, if exDH is so awful, why does he want to communicate with DS so badly? Excepting some extreme abusers (which exDH clearly is not, since you didn't mention it), awful fathers don't go to that much trouble to spend time with their children and keep communication open. Sounds more like having to keep exDH in your life has been YOUR frustration, and you have - consciously or unconsciously - passed that on to DS. ExDH sounds like a frustrated parent dealing with a child who has been poisoned against him.

I'm sure DS can go his own way with no legal repercussions, but I don't think you have done him any favors by encouraging this.

This is all compete ignorant bullcrap.

OP, ignore this response from what appears to be another woman-hating angry single dad troll.

[Anonymous]

Smart boy. Let him be and stop forcing Dad contact. However, tell him eye refrain from restraining order for 6 months and see how it goes. Likely once DS disengages with Dad, it will naturally disintegrate

[Anonymous]

If whatever the dad does (unclear if anything or if they just dont get along) isn't enough to convince the family court to modify for supervised visitation it's not going to be enough for a restraining order. You can't just get an RO because you don't like someone. There is also the possibility that the judge sanctions OPs kid if he tries to do that.

I wouldn't do the party theme either, honestly it just sounds immature and I feel like it would be awkward for the other party goers that don't know or can't relate to the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If whatever the dad does (unclear if anything or if they just dont get along) isn't enough to convince the family court to modify for supervised visitation it's not going to be enough for a restraining order. You can't just get an RO because you don't like someone. There is also the possibility that the judge sanctions OPs kid if he tries to do that.

I wouldn't do the party theme either, honestly it just sounds immature and I feel like it would be awkward for the other party goers that don't know or can't relate to the situation.

Op regularly posts on her hatred and how to stick it to her ex. She has no insights as to the true impact on her son who will do anything to please her.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to stay away from the courts if he can help it because that’s where things start spiraling out of control.
he doesn’t have to see his dad if he doesn’t want to but get that stupid restraining order idea out of his head.
And yes if he is in therapy drop his therapist stat before he is 18.
Many therapists are more harm than good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If whatever the dad does (unclear if anything or if they just dont get along) isn't enough to convince the family court to modify for supervised visitation it's not going to be enough for a restraining order. You can't just get an RO because you don't like someone. There is also the possibility that the judge sanctions OPs kid if he tries to do that.

I wouldn't do the party theme either, honestly it just sounds immature and I feel like it would be awkward for the other party goers that don't know or can't relate to the situation.

Op regularly posts on her hatred and how to stick it to her ex. She has no insights as to the true impact on her son who will do anything to please her.

Hahahaha, this is complete bullsh*t. Who is this troll who loves to project and also make up stories?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If whatever the dad does (unclear if anything or if they just dont get along) isn't enough to convince the family court to modify for supervised visitation it's not going to be enough for a restraining order. You can't just get an RO because you don't like someone. There is also the possibility that the judge sanctions OPs kid if he tries to do that.

I wouldn't do the party theme either, honestly it just sounds immature and I feel like it would be awkward for the other party goers that don't know or can't relate to the situation.

Op regularly posts on her hatred and how to stick it to her ex. She has no insights as to the true impact on her son who will do anything to please her.

Hahahaha, this is complete bullsh*t. Who is this troll who loves to project and also make up stories?

This poster regularly posts on ways to stop contact. When she does that she’ll complain all finically helped stopped too.