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[quote=Anonymous]						First, your son doesn’t have to have contact with anybody he doesn’t want to have contact with, especially as an adult. A judge won’t make him see his dad or anybody else, not when he’s 18.

The restraining order gives me pause. Have you sat down and talked about it with him? Explain that people who won’t respect a minor will respect an adult, just because that person is an adult. Explain to him that a restraining order is a legal document and there will be a public record of it. This means that employers and dates, the two things he probably wants more then anything will be able to search his name and see the order. Most people will raise their eyebrows at it however unfair that may be. As I tell my kid “It’s not 1960, most of your interactions will start online, meaning nobody will say “I’ve seen you around town, I never liked your old man anyway, come work for me or date my kid”. Most people will see that restraining order and move along. Your son can file whatever he wants, it may even keep dad away, but there will be other consequences he may not like. Let him know that if Dad’s behavior gets worse, restraining orders will still be a thing, he can always file one then.

I’m assuming that Pops hasn’t done anything to warrant a restraining order and you’ve ignored it because “He’s ill, or troubled” or whatever you’ll say to essentially not mother up and do what you need to do.

If it was my kid, and I do have one the same age as your son, I’d stop the therapy. I’ve never known a kid to benefit from therapy, they just come out with bigger words that can be even more hurtful and a worse attitude. Instead, I’d spend time with your son. My kid and I listen to a lot of true crime podcasts. It’s a great way to talk about relationships, choices, and what happens once a crime has happened. My kid who is smart, actually believed that if a minor murdered someone, “they had a right to privacy” and “nobody will ever know”. She seemed to think that minors could do whatever they wanted and just say “Oh, I wasn’t there” or “my boyfriend started it”. It was astounding to me. She’s a good kid, very sweet, but had imbibed too much in “the right to privacy” And, it makes sense, she sees and hears about “the right to privacy” all the time. She was really surprised to learn that once the cops or courts get involved for whatever reason, you are in real trouble and there’s a good chance all your texts, posts, things you say in person will be discussed publicly.

In fairness, I think I learned this while watching the O.J. trial with my mom. 
I’d spend time with your kid talking about these issues, and I’d do it as a mom, not a therapist. I’ve said for years since before I had kids that kids need parent way more then they need a therapist and yes, that sometimes involves discussing things with your kids that you’d never have imagined.

As for the party, I’d not allow it at my house and I’d tell him that. I’d tell him it just isn’t nice.  I’m also wondering where he got the idea, do you have friends that have divorce parties?  Let your son know that his anger as justified as it may be is starting to get scary. If he needs to do something physical to burn off rage, that’s fine. The party at your house isn’t the place to do it. I would remind him that while he may be 18, it is your house and whatever you say goes. If he doesn’t like it, he can move out. Let him know that even if he does that, there are standards of behavior, a landlord won’t care if he burns a pic of his dad, but they will care a lot of he burns a hole in the carpet or damages a wall, and a landlord may find a way to remove him from the property legally if his behavior is intolerable. The standards are different, the consequences are different, but there is no magic place where he can just do whatever he wants because “He’s 18 now”. [/quote]

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