Seizing further contact after turning 18
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Anonymous
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Despite my best efforts to maintain peace and civility, my soon-to-be 18 year old DS absolutely cannot stand his father and his relatives. They've always been like oil and water, ever since he was a baby. ExDH is a recovering alcoholic, a gambler, just a miserable human being. They have nothing in common. DS hates going over there; it's our only source of frustration. I have to force him to go there per custody agreement and he pushes back. ExDH family blame DS for pretty much everything and are forcing communication and interactions. It hasn't gotten better over the years, only worse. ExDH is the only person who my usually happy-go-lucky DS resents and wants nothing to do with.
Next month is DS 18th BD. He wants his party theme to be "Freedom from Dad". He wants to go as far as file a restraining order and have no contact. He has already prohibited me from inviting him to his graduation, he has not informed him of his college plans. Before anyone writes this - yes, he's been in therapy over this, it hasn't helped much. Other than "I am allowed to feel how I feel". Can there be any legal repercussions for him? |
Anonymous
| I think you mean "ceasing". |
Anonymous
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Why would there be a legal repercussion for an adult not wanting to talk to a parent?
I don't even understand the question. What do you think could happen? |
Anonymous
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He is allowed to feel how he feels. You need to support your son. Maybe one day he will be ready to resume communication but you shouldn't force anything now or make him feel bad.
Also, why are you still forcing him to go? No judge is going to make an almost 18 year old go to dad's if he doesn't want to. |
Anonymous
| And no legal repercussions now or in the future. Adults are allowed to cut off contact with other adults. Family included. |
Anonymous
| I would discourage the party theme but otherwise I see no issues with this. Your son as an adult can choose not to see his father/paternal family if he wants to. |
Anonymous
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I'd push back on the restraining order talk unless it really is needed. He needs to be an adult and just set boundaries with his father using his words.
I'd try to take the drama out of the situation. It's fine if he doesn't see his father. Shrug. That's between them. Time to talk about something else. |
Anonymous
Sorry, meant "ceasing". Stupid iPhone autocorrect |
Anonymous
ExDH tried to go after me for parental alienation when DS was 14. We managed to scale back how often he sees him and it's now only twice a month. DS didn't want any more court hassle and expensive attorney fees. He said he will "tolerate the guy until he's 18". |
Anonymous
Well another month isn't going to kill him but then I would leave it completely up to your DS to decide what he wants to do. |
Anonymous
| He can't just get a restraining order if he's not being threatened. He certainly can block him and stop seeing him. |
Anonymous
| For most colleges they will take his fathers financials into account just fyi. |
Anonymous
they won't unless he needs aid. |
Anonymous
He doesn't qualify for finaid. |
Anonymous
| Let him manage his relationship with his father however he'd like. At 18, he's an adult. |