MIL has "gave" us a trip, we declined, she gave it to us again for christmas, we declined, she still will not stop

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure which situation is worse- a parent offering a trip you don’t want or a parent expecting you to take them (and pay) for a vacation with you and your family. I’m struggling with the latter. Older adults take note - your expectations and emotional guilt will quickly drive a wedge into your relationship with your adult child and their spouse.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like she really wants to do a trip with you guys. Since you seem to otherwise have a good relationship with her, i would try to throw her a bone and tell her that specific trip won't work but give some options and dates for trips that would work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

In laws live 15 mins from us. We see them 2x per week on average.

It is a timeshare "deal". They've had a timeshare for 25 years and go to the most random places. Not totally sure how it works, but it usually seems like they can't pick their dates either.

MiL is 64 and in good health so I don't suspect mental decline, but I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Can you ask your spouse to ask her why she's so set on this one place?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

In laws live 15 mins from us. We see them 2x per week on average.

It is a timeshare "deal". They've had a timeshare for 25 years and go to the most random places. Not totally sure how it works, but it usually seems like they can't pick their dates either.

MiL is 64 and in good health so I don't suspect mental decline, but I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Can you ask your spouse to ask her why she's so set on this one place?

It's because of how timeshares work. They don't get a refund so its only a good deal if they use their timeshare rights frequently.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

In laws live 15 mins from us. We see them 2x per week on average.

It is a timeshare "deal". They've had a timeshare for 25 years and go to the most random places. Not totally sure how it works, but it usually seems like they can't pick their dates either.

MiL is 64 and in good health so I don't suspect mental decline, but I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Can you ask your spouse to ask her why she's so set on this one place?

It's because of how timeshares work. They don't get a refund so it’s only a good deal if they use their timeshare rights frequently.

It sounds like she made the arrangements impulsively and now probably feels badly about it not working out. Since the relationship is a good one, and she’s usually reasonable, I’d definitely extend grace. I would have DH tell her how much you appreciate her generosity, but that in the future please ask about dates/locations because you don’t really have control over your schedules and you also have to consider how the kids travel. Let her know you love her and the gift of the good relationship is what you value.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure which situation is worse- a parent offering a trip you don’t want or a parent expecting you to take them (and pay) for a vacation with you and your family. I’m struggling with the latter. Older adults take note - your expectations and emotional guilt will quickly drive a wedge into your relationship with your adult child and their spouse.

You seem to think these behaviors aren't present in the person when younger. They most certainly are.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, she already paid for the trip and is embarrassed that you said no. She’s desperate to save face.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

In laws live 15 mins from us. We see them 2x per week on average.

It is a timeshare "deal". They've had a timeshare for 25 years and go to the most random places. Not totally sure how it works, but it usually seems like they can't pick their dates either.

MiL is 64 and in good health so I don't suspect mental decline, but I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility.

Can you ask your spouse to ask her why she's so set on this one place?

It's because of how timeshares work. They don't get a refund so it’s only a good deal if they use their timeshare rights frequently.

It sounds like she made the arrangements impulsively and now probably feels badly about it not working out. Since the relationship is a good one, and she’s usually reasonable, I’d definitely extend grace. I would have DH tell her how much you appreciate her generosity, but that in the future please ask about dates/locations because you don’t really have control over your schedules and you also have to consider how the kids travel. Let her know you love her and the gift of the good relationship is what you value.

I would go further than that. Make it clear your family vacations will revolve around what works best for your family. If you are willing - say you would be ok with taking about a mutually beneficial trip. But you need to stop this cycle of planning trips simply because they are in time share locations. This is going to get worse as the kids get old enough for grandma to talk up a trip to them before she mentions it to the parents. The MIL will be far more hurt if you have to argue / turn down trip after trip. Better to explain your limitations now and that you or your husband need to be involved in any planning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

In laws live 15 mins from us. We see them 2x per week on average.

It is a timeshare "deal". They've had a timeshare for 25 years and go to the most random places. Not totally sure how it works, but it usually seems like they can't pick their dates either.

MiL is 64 and in good health so I don't suspect mental decline, but I guess it's not out of the realm of possibility.

You buried the lede on page 3.

You see them often. This sounds awful.

Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

She needs to learn her lesson, otherwise, since this is a timeshare, she will always and forever bug you with travel demands to the most boring places at the most inconvenient times!

So keep saying no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ve been together for 18 years an o my have toddlers. Just say thank you but a trip to the middle of the forest with toddles is not how we prefer to vacation.

OMG, maybe they've been together since they were 14 years old, PP. 32 is not an unreasonable age to have toddlers.

[Anonymous]

Since it sounds like MIL is really anxious to use the timeshare, suggest some other family member or friend they should bring instead. I also have a horribly carsick toddler and there’s no way this is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, she already paid for the trip and is embarrassed that you said no. She’s desperate to save face.

save face with who, though? why can't MIL and her husband go, since they picked the boring location?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Obviously, she already paid for the trip and is embarrassed that you said no. She’s desperate to save face.

save face with who, though? why can't MIL and her husband go, since they picked the boring location?

Probably with her husband, who maybe never wanted the timeshare.

Maybe they're in financial trouble and want to conceal it by pretending to be able to afford vacations.

[Anonymous]

Can you link to the place? Im just frankly nosy.