MIL has "gave" us a trip, we declined, she gave it to us again for christmas, we declined, she still will not stop

[Anonymous]

Last October, MIL asked us about going on a trip this upcoming June. It would be a 9 hour drive from home with flights not anymore convenient (flight, rent car, drive 3 hours, schlep car seats, board dog etc). We have two toddler, one who gets VERY car sick including vomits on most ~1 hour drives. MIL offered to pay for a 1bd + den for us. Again, that won't work. The destination is in the middle of a forest. We just aren't interested and explained it when we kindly, but clearly, declined. Imagine our surprise when on Christmas, the only thing she handed DH and I was a small box. We opened it and there was a note inside that said "Suprise! We will still pay for the trip as a christmas gift!" It was so palpably awkward that we just kind of stammered over our words. DH addressed it later in private reiterating that we are not interested in doing that trip, or any trip this year. Haven't heard anything about it since then and then yesterday my MIL cornered me alone and asked again. I said (which is true) I will be starting a new job in a couple months and have 90 days no PTO probationary period and a trip this summer is not possible or in the cards for us. She started on about how she's going to ask DH to come with the kids. I told her that it will not be feasible for him to drive 9 hours with two toddlers, one puking, and a 100lb dog on his own and that we were going to use his PTO week for a family trip over spring break since I have PTO to use before my job is over and we will not have any family time this summer due to my probationary period.

SHE WILL NOT STOP. I love her dearly and she's usually not like this at all, but I'm actually getting POed now at her for the first time in 18 years.

[Anonymous]

Is the trip with her? Or just for your family? Have you asked why she is fixated on this one specific place? If it’s someplace that has personal significance to her and she wants to share it with you and her grandkids, maybe make a plan to visit in summer 2025 or some other distant time.

Could you redirect to something that could be useful? Maybe she could pay for an AirBnB at a place closer to you instead?

Otherwise just keep declining. Annoying to have the same conversation over and over, but minor in comparison to other in law problems!

[Anonymous]

It's really annoying. But if this is out of character for her, I'd be worried about a mental decline.

[Anonymous]

You have t be firm and direct. “ We have both told you no multiple times. This is not going to change. You need to stop ignoring us and accept this. This ends now. “

You need to be direct, no squishy we’d love to make you happy or blah blah but just straight up look her in the eye, firm voice.

[Anonymous]

Has she said why this is so important to her? Why did she choose THIS place? Would she be willing to do another destination? Would YOU be willing to do another destination?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's really annoying. But if this is out of character for her, I'd be worried about a mental decline.

+1 You mentioned 18 years, and this is the first time something like this has happened.

[Anonymous]

Did she already pay for it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did she already pay for it?

That was my guess. She doesn't want to admit she pulled the trigger without asking and is trying to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

You need to suggest an alternative in order for her to stop. This is the only solution.

[Anonymous]

I would stop giving her any reasons why this trip doesn’t work for you. No mentioning new job, probationary period, etc. “As we already discussed, we will not be taking this trip.” Also, don’t let her corner you. If she brings this up to you alone, immediately turn away from her and call your husband over, “Honey, your mom wants to discuss something with you.” Then walk away.

[Anonymous]

This is so bananas that I think you just have to decide to laugh about it. I would be angry too, but that isn’t a useful emotion.

I would just start thinking “here goes crazy lady with the vacation nonsense again.”

[Anonymous]

There’s something going on, they bought a timeshare or something.

[Anonymous]

You’ve been together for 18 years an o my have toddlers. Just say thank you but a trip to the middle of the forest with toddles is not how we prefer to vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There’s something going on, they bought a timeshare or something.

She's already dug OP's grave in the forest, and doesn't want to waste the work.

[Anonymous]

Was the idea that you're supposed to meet her there? I would have your husband be specific: "We won't be coming. Maybe you could invite your sister Janet or your friend Jane?"