I’m being cheated on again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

That’s quite the story you’re telling us.

One of the most common misconceptions is that narcissists only look for emotionally dependent partners who lack confidence and self-esteem. In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women.

While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity. What appears to be an overabundance of self-assurance is actually a protective wall designed to block the narcissist from acknowledging his own insecurity and lack of self-confidence.

[/b]Narcissists often feel safe with strong partners as they have always struggled with a consistent parent figure. When you take charge, manage life effectively, and create your own success, this becomes a draw for the narcissist. Coupling this with your ability to show empathy and kindness creates a natural magnet for the narcissist who desperately wants to have those characteristics.[b]

read here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202106/why-strong-women-and-narcissists-attract-each-other#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20narcissists%20are%20often,a%20mask%20for%20deep%20insecurity.

And it is known they cheat with the opposite---they cheat with the women they can be the hero figure too. The women that are dysfunctional like them, messed up, etc.

Psych 101

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

No, this is honestly one of the stupidest things I've read on here. If cheaters are attracted to anything, it's simps. People who exhibit signs of low self-esteem. People like that more likely to ignore red flags and signs of cheating, as well as make excuses for the infidelity and try to stay in the relationship.

People who have high self-esteem don't put up with cheating.

[Anonymous]

Not everyone who cheats is a narcissist. That term is thrown around so much that it has lost all its meaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

No, this is honestly one of the stupidest things I've read on here. If cheaters are attracted to anything, it's simps. People who exhibit signs of low self-esteem. People like that more likely to ignore red flags and signs of cheating, as well as make excuses for the infidelity and try to stay in the relationship.

People who have high self-esteem don't put up with cheating.

You have that confused. Cheaters have low self-esteem. It's why they cheat.

Read a few posts above yours--not true at all. And, anyone can get cheated on--even the strongest--that's so stupid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

No, this is honestly one of the stupidest things I've read on here. If cheaters are attracted to anything, it's simps. People who exhibit signs of low self-esteem. People like that more likely to ignore red flags and signs of cheating, as well as make excuses for the infidelity and try to stay in the relationship.

People who have high self-esteem don't put up with cheating.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addic...20deep%20insecurity.

[Anonymous]

No one's clicking on any of your links, lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s, hes in his 60s.

When does this ever end?

When you start putting out more…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who have weighed in with encouragement. I don't feel so hot right now. I feel so devastated that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I called in sick. I don't have anyone I can talk to. It took a long time to find someone I trusted again. This hurts a lot. I feel sick.

It does hurt. Take some Tylenol, it will give you a small amount of relief temporarily.

That was good advice. I do feel a little better. I don’t know how I’m going to sleep.

[Anonymous]

Just close your eyes and rest if you can't sleep. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please try to be kind to yourself. It's so hard to digest this kind of information, but please take care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just close your eyes and rest if you can't sleep. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Please try to be kind to yourself. It's so hard to digest this kind of information, but please take care of yourself.

Thank you. That’s nice of you. I can’t sleep. I feel so sick. I wish I had never met him, maybe because it’s the second time I’ve had the rug pulled out from under me, but this is the worst I can remember feeling for a long time.

[Anonymous]

It doesn’t reflect anything lacking in you, OP - it only respects his deep deficits that he can deceive you like that and live a double life. Does he want to stay together? Is he defending his behavior?

Your feelings are understandable. It’s normal, under the circumstances. I’m so sorry you are hurting. Please take good care of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Oh op I am so sorry. You will eventually get over it but it will hurt for a while. Be kind to yourself. It’s fine to wallow for a while but reach out to a friend or two to schedule some activities. Sometimes we need to be surrounded by those who care about us.

[Anonymous]

Get tested for students and still several times

[Anonymous]

Sorry for the autocorrect errors. Get tested for STDs and STIs. Some of them take months to show up so get tested twice four to six months apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who grew up watching my father cheat over and over again on my mom and then eventually the other women he married or dated all after up until he is now old, alone and in diapers - some men are cheaters. They like the thrill, they like women, and they hate or don’t have what it takes to be truly loyal to a partner. That’s it. It’s not you, it’s them. They have a pattern and you need to figure out why you are attracted to cheaters, how to spot one, and then believe you deserve better. Best of luck!

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s, hes in his 60s.

When does this ever end?

+1. Some men are cheaters. It doesn’t matter what you look like or how your sex life or even your relationship as a whole is. Cheaters gonna cheat.