I’m being cheated on again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AHHHHHH. I'm gonna go crazy! Why do we keep blaming women for the behaviors of their spouses - including cheating!!!!!

Men are adults who make their own choices. They're not cheating because we wives didn't tell them sternly enough. They're not cheating because we gave them some reason to betray us.

They're cheating because they want to sleep with other women and know if they tell their wives, they risk divorce and all that entails (loss of sex with the wife, loss of financial status and control, loss of family, loss of standing in the community, etc.)

It's really that simple.

Not all people cheat. But, if you are with someone that cheats, the only way to make sure that person doesn't cheat on you again is to end the relationship.

OP, I'm sorry you're with a person who still cheats. You didn't cause them to cheat. You can't stop them.

I don't think anyone is blaming OP for the cheating. However, she does have her role in this. He's cheated before and she stayed. Its not that shocking he cheated again. And OP is here whining about when will it end. It probably won't because he knows that he can do it with zero consequences

No. She divorced the cheater. This is a NEW cheater.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AHHHHHH. I'm gonna go crazy! Why do we keep blaming women for the behaviors of their spouses - including cheating!!!!!

Men are adults who make their own choices. They're not cheating because we wives didn't tell them sternly enough. They're not cheating because we gave them some reason to betray us.

They're cheating because they want to sleep with other women and know if they tell their wives, they risk divorce and all that entails (loss of sex with the wife, loss of financial status and control, loss of family, loss of standing in the community, etc.)

It's really that simple.

Not all people cheat. But, if you are with someone that cheats, the only way to make sure that person doesn't cheat on you again is to end the relationship.

OP, I'm sorry you're with a person who still cheats. You didn't cause them to cheat. You can't stop them.

I don't think anyone is blaming OP for the cheating. However, she does have her role in this. He's cheated before and she stayed. Its not that shocking he cheated again. And OP is here whining about when will it end. It probably won't because he knows that he can do it with zero consequences

OP here. I got divorced from my ex after he cheated on me for years and finally left me for someone else. I’ve been seeing this man and we are supposedly exclusive and he supposedly loves me. Today I feel so defeated I want to disappear. This one really, really hurts. It really hurts.

I’m so sorry. I truly think I’ll never date again myself.

I’m sorry, OP. I’m also divorced from a serial cheater and this is my biggest fear. My therapist once told me that the ending of your first serious relationship after divorce will feel as awful as the divorce itself. I know in my case, that was true. Sending you love and peace. Your person is out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s, hes in his 60s.

When does this ever end?

It helped me understand when reading about the olden times when men could divorce wives for cheating but not the other way round. Men cheat way more than women. Be happy you can leave. In previous generations you would have had to stay and just put up with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP.

Late 30s/early 40s here and I wish I had a solid answer. One with Hope.

Caught my current boyfriend in a situation a few days ago. Probably getting played and it sucks because I really like this one. Dating is a wild ride and sometimes getting off for a break is needed.

Good luck!

lol your “current boyfriend” isn’t the same thing as someone’s long term husband.

[Anonymous]

OP, he’s in his 60s and desperately trying to prove to himself that he’s still “got it.”

Drop him. You don’t have to stand there and be a part of this.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Thank you to the PPs who have weighed in with encouragement. I don't feel so hot right now. I feel so devastated that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I called in sick. I don't have anyone I can talk to. It took a long time to find someone I trusted again. This hurts a lot. I feel sick.

[Anonymous]

He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so sorry. I imagine this is very difficult and could undermine your trust in your ability to judge others (this is what the cheater does to you - make you doubt yourself). I hope you are getting therapy and that you recognize that you have done nothing to deserve this and that this is not a reflection of your worth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

You are not the cause of their cheating! You may however, have a thing for a certain type of man, who is more likely to cheat. I would explore your romantic preferences in therapy to understand why this may be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Men in their 60s cheat all the time they just love the attention

[Anonymous]

I agree with the PP’s that you are choosing a type of person with a far higher likelihood of dishonesty due to that particular personality type.

Get therapy. You can learn to identify negative types.

Do the work now because next time will be worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

You are not the cause of their cheating! You may however, have a thing for a certain type of man, who is more likely to cheat. I would explore your romantic preferences in therapy to understand why this may be.

I agree with this but it is also entirely possible that lightning struck twice. And actually, cheating is much more common than lightning striking twice, so maybe it's run-of-the-mill bad luck.

So sorry, OP. It makes sense that you'd feel the way you're feeling. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:AHHHHHH. I'm gonna go crazy! Why do we keep blaming women for the behaviors of their spouses - including cheating!!!!!

Men are adults who make their own choices. They're not cheating because we wives didn't tell them sternly enough. They're not cheating because we gave them some reason to betray us.

They're cheating because they want to sleep with other women and know if they tell their wives, they risk divorce and all that entails (loss of sex with the wife, loss of financial status and control, loss of family, loss of standing in the community, etc.)

It's really that simple.

Not all people cheat. But, if you are with someone that cheats, the only way to make sure that person doesn't cheat on you again is to end the relationship.

OP, I'm sorry you're with a person who still cheats. You didn't cause them to cheat. You can't stop them.

I don’t think anyone was implying it was her fault. Clearly it’s not. But the only way to make it stop is to not be in a relationship with him.

[Anonymous]

So so sorry, OP. This is not a fun space to be in. I'm a divorced late thirty year old and am over men at this point. It just seems like the ones I meet are cheating, way into OF, talk to exs and are not looking for something LT. I am on a break because I am done with the hurting. Just wanted to say I hear you and I hope you are doing okay.