I’m being cheated on again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How exactly do we know she’s being cheated on by the same man? We don’t. Stop making assumptions, PP.

True.

OP, you need to work on your picking, red flags you may have overlooked, boundaries you may have allowed to be crossed, etc.

Becoming genuinely comfortable being alone can be helpful.

Work on any trauma or family of origin issues. Maybe look into coda.org.

You deserve better! Learning to break patterns is key.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who have weighed in with encouragement. I don't feel so hot right now. I feel so devastated that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I called in sick. I don't have anyone I can talk to. It took a long time to find someone I trusted again. This hurts a lot. I feel sick.

Find a therapist, OP. You need the support and over time can develop insights.

Tell him you are ending things. That will give you a bit of a sense of control back.

Work on your sense of self and look into your past/childhood. Patterns of attachment in your family. Bring the subconscious drivers into the light and they will be easier to change.

You deserve better and it's up to you to deliver it. Trust is earned over time and this man has shown his true colors. In the future, watch actions more than listening to words and if the 2 don't match, leave.

So sorry, take good care!

[Anonymous]

Call your EAP and get a referral to a therapist today, OP. Many do virtual appointments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

Basically--you are a target. And, attractive women attract attractive, successful men and attractive, successful men have many more options/opportunity to cheat.

[Anonymous]

Above posts are true. They marry or partner “up” so they look good. Sorry OP. I feel for ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs who have weighed in with encouragement. I don't feel so hot right now. I feel so devastated that I'm not sure what to do with myself. I called in sick. I don't have anyone I can talk to. It took a long time to find someone I trusted again. This hurts a lot. I feel sick.

It does hurt. Take some Tylenol, it will give you a small amount of relief temporarily.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. That's terrible!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AHHHHHH. I'm gonna go crazy! Why do we keep blaming women for the behaviors of their spouses - including cheating!!!!!

Men are adults who make their own choices. They're not cheating because we wives didn't tell them sternly enough. They're not cheating because we gave them some reason to betray us.

They're cheating because they want to sleep with other women and know if they tell their wives, they risk divorce and all that entails (loss of sex with the wife, loss of financial status and control, loss of family, loss of standing in the community, etc.)

It's really that simple.

Not all people cheat. But, if you are with someone that cheats, the only way to make sure that person doesn't cheat on you again is to end the relationship.

OP, I'm sorry you're with a person who still cheats. You didn't cause them to cheat. You can't stop them.

I don't think anyone is blaming OP for the cheating. However, she does have her role in this. He's cheated before and she stayed. Its not that shocking he cheated again. And OP is here whining about when will it end. It probably won't because he knows that he can do it with zero consequences

OP here. I got divorced from my ex after he cheated on me for years and finally left me for someone else. I’ve been seeing this man and we are supposedly exclusive and he supposedly loves me. Today I feel so defeated I want to disappear. This one really, really hurts. It really hurts.

Clearly, you two are not exclusive. Perhaps how you think is the issue. Also, if he's in his 60s how many people can he be dating? Perhaps you are not that fun to be in a relationship with. Just being blunt. Also, unless you are married to him he's not cheating. It's clear you two are barely dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:AHHHHHH. I'm gonna go crazy! Why do we keep blaming women for the behaviors of their spouses - including cheating!!!!!

Men are adults who make their own choices. They're not cheating because we wives didn't tell them sternly enough. They're not cheating because we gave them some reason to betray us.

They're cheating because they want to sleep with other women and know if they tell their wives, they risk divorce and all that entails (loss of sex with the wife, loss of financial status and control, loss of family, loss of standing in the community, etc.)

It's really that simple.

Not all people cheat. But, if you are with someone that cheats, the only way to make sure that person doesn't cheat on you again is to end the relationship.

OP, I'm sorry you're with a person who still cheats. You didn't cause them to cheat. You can't stop them.

I don't think anyone is blaming OP for the cheating. However, she does have her role in this. He's cheated before and she stayed. Its not that shocking he cheated again. And OP is here whining about when will it end. It probably won't because he knows that he can do it with zero consequences

OP here. I got divorced from my ex after he cheated on me for years and finally left me for someone else. I’ve been seeing this man and we are supposedly exclusive and he supposedly loves me. Today I feel so defeated I want to disappear. This one really, really hurts. It really hurts.

Clearly, you two are not exclusive. Perhaps how you think is the issue. Also, if he's in his 60s how many people can he be dating? Perhaps you are not that fun to be in a relationship with. Just being blunt. Also, unless you are married to him he's not cheating. It's clear you two are barely dating.

Perhaps you an an a33hole who should be loaded into a rocket and shot into the sun.

Just being blunt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

There’s nothing wrong with you.

Cheating is just really, really common.

[Anonymous]

As someone who grew up watching my father cheat over and over again on my mom and then eventually the other women he married or dated all after up until he is now old, alone and in diapers - some men are cheaters. They like the thrill, they like women, and they hate or don’t have what it takes to be truly loyal to a partner. That’s it. It’s not you, it’s them. They have a pattern and you need to figure out why you are attracted to cheaters, how to spot one, and then believe you deserve better. Best of luck!

Anonymous wrote:I’m in my 50s, hes in his 60s.

When does this ever end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

That’s quite the story you’re telling us.

[Anonymous]

It only ends when you fix your broken picker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is 60 and cheating? What in the hell?

Yeah. With other women in our age range - 50s-60s. I’ve seen the texts and pics. Someone else he was seeing sent them all to me. I feel very stupid and very hurt and the irony is I really love him, I fell in love again after heart broken by my ex and now it feels like it’s being broken again. I’ve read some threads on cheating and everyone says not to blame yourself, but it’s hard not to wonder what it is that’s wrong with me that men who I’m supposedly in monogamous, loving relationships with cheat. It hurts. I’ve never quite felt like this - I feel frozen, numb and sick.

If it makes you feel better---narc cheaters tend to pick 'high value' women as the 'main' piece/wife/significant other. The women are empathetic, very attractive, successful, highly desirable, basically all the qualities anyone could want. This is to reflect back on them. If they can get a main piece like this--they must be very high value themselves.

That’s quite the story you’re telling us.

One of the most common misconceptions is that narcissists only look for emotionally dependent partners who lack confidence and self-esteem. In fact, narcissists are often attracted to strong, confident, and self-assured women.

While this may seem counterintuitive, it is important to realize that the narcissistic traits of grandiosity and confidence are really a mask for deep insecurity. What appears to be an overabundance of self-assurance is actually a protective wall designed to block the narcissist from acknowledging his own insecurity and lack of self-confidence.

[/b]Narcissists often feel safe with strong partners as they have always struggled with a consistent parent figure. When you take charge, manage life effectively, and create your own success, this becomes a draw for the narcissist. Coupling this with your ability to show empathy and kindness creates a natural magnet for the narcissist who desperately wants to have those characteristics.[b]

read here:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/addiction-and-recovery/202106/why-strong-women-and-narcissists-attract-each-other#:~:text=In%20fact%2C%20narcissists%20are%20often,a%20mask%20for%20deep%20insecurity.