"Outside of financial constraints: the kid should fully decide w/out parental influence"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Fully decide, NO! Guidance is needed and I would hope every 17 or 18 year old would be open to receiving it. If they are not then I would question their maturity. I think there is criteria that should be respected from both parents and student and it should be a joint decision. There are thousands of schools. Everyone should work together to come up with a listing that is both financially and academically feasible.

Okay, guidance sure -- but guidance over your pocketbook?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Disagree. Of course, I think the kid has the most important opinion. But as the financier and more experienced family member, the parent should have some input. And financial constraints are malleable. Many parents will make voluntary sacrifices (e.g., loans, delayed retirement, etc.) if their kid gets into, say, HYPSM that they wouldn't make for, say, Pepperdine (because their kid wants to be close to the beach). While recognizing that there are many unreasonable parents and many unreasonable kids, it should ideally be something of a team effort with the kid holding more sway.

+1

I'm not spending $400K for college just because my kid wants to go "somewhere warm with hot co-eds".

Similarly, "having a good football team" is not criteria for selecting a college. Whereas, attending a school with good school spirit can be a criteria, but it's in the lower portion of what should be looked at. After say academics, research opportunities, what majors are available should you switch your major and can you easily switch to anything you want (none of this direct admit that prevents you from switching if you want), career center and internship opportunities, then after that comes the Do you like the dorms, is the area safe, do they have the sports/activities you like, etc.
But my kid is not just going to pick SDSU because it's warm and near the beach---they need to sell me on why it's the best school for them and academics is near the top of the "why this school"

This is a tangent and I'm not disagreeing with you, but I went to UCLA in part because I grew up idolizing their sports teams. My parents were just lucky that it happened to be both good and incredibly affordable (for CA residents in the 90's) unlike a certain cross-town, scandal-prone college. That said, it was nice to go to my literal dream school.

FWIW, while SDSU was generally a safety and party school for my generation, it's risen substantially. It's much more competitive and well regarded these days, at least in CA.

SDSU is better but it's still a party school. Know 2 kids there now, and they both seem to think the point of college is to party and then post it on snapchat and instagram---in outfits that I'd be ashamed to have my kid wearing (they are both good friends with my kid, but my kid doesn't party at that level).

Obviously attending UCLA because you idolized their sports teams is fine---it's a good overall school and you were paying In-STate tuition. But I'm not paying OOS tuition for UCLA when my kid's reasoning is "I love the sports teams at UCLA". they need a much better reason for me to pay OOS tuition.

[Anonymous]

As a parent - you approve the list. The time to set the criteria, money and any other criteria, is before they apply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

This exactly!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent - you approve the list. The time to set the criteria, money and any other criteria, is before they apply.

I disagree.

I’m being extreme in my example, but just to get my point across as succinctly as possible…

you add the community college, just in case they don’t get into the safeties, which you added just in case they didn’t get into the targets… if they get into All, and your kid chooses the community college because her boyfriend of a week is staying home too? I think with all of the unknowns answered and the admitted schools in front of us in April, Together, we consider the pros and cons of each decision. And being 50, I may have insight on different pros and cons that my shortsighted 17-year-old may have.

[Anonymous]

If my kid wanted a no name $90K school, I would have totally failed as a parent. All their lives, we have tried to get them to consider the cost of things and whether it’s worth to them. They haven’t always made the choice I would make, but it’s considered and they can articulate why.

If I were willing to pay for Harvard or state school, and my kid wanted to go to a Dartmouth or a Williams, I am hoping they would be able to explain to me why that would be something they thought would be worth the price. I would absolutely hear the out and they would likely persuade me. If they wanted to go to a totally no name school, and it wasn’t special in some way they can articulate to their banker (me), that’s not going to happen. But I don’t think my kid would choose it or ever bring it up because we have taught them all their lives to consider cost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with parents trying to influence, but the child should feel like she is in the driver’s seat.

Why? That’s absurd.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent - you approve the list. The time to set the criteria, money and any other criteria, is before they apply.

I disagree.

I’m being extreme in my example, but just to get my point across as succinctly as possible…

you add the community college, just in case they don’t get into the safeties, which you added just in case they didn’t get into the targets… if they get into All, and your kid chooses the community college because her boyfriend of a week is staying home too? I think with all of the unknowns answered and the admitted schools in front of us in April, Together, we consider the pros and cons of each decision. And being 50, I may have insight on different pros and cons that my shortsighted 17-year-old may have.

THIS^^^

It's a huge investment and big choice in life. You help guide your kid, but if all things are equal---you let them make the final decision

For example: Kid 1 got into 2 schools, basically same ranking, both jesuit, 6-8K undergrads. One is in our home state (6 hours drive away), one is 2K miles away. Both very similar schools, kid will have similar outcomes at both. One is in a city most don't want to live in. Other is in a much nicer city (still with issues, but the largest city in the state and really a great place). Cost is same, kid got 35% tuition merit award at both.
Parents have their opinions on which is best, but we kept our mouths shut and only provided input when our kid asked. We let them make the decision. Why? Because the only "cost difference" is the getting kid to/from school and we can afford the $2-3K in plane tickets each year (fall break, thanksgiving break, xmas break, spring break, easter break, end of year/getting back to school). And if my kid were to ever struggle at college (or rather when they would because all freshman have some struggles/times they wonder should I be at this school), I dont' ever want them to be able to Blame Mom or Dad. I want the choice to be there's and they own that choice. I got my experience with college 25+ years ago, now it's time for my kid to get to choose (within the boundaries of good school for academic reasons and affordable for us)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I agree.
Stop equivocating.
I think we should just have two buckets:
You are either Full Pay - can afford it, anywhere, anyplace, whatever the kid wants
Or You are not - need to think about it, consider the "value", the "ROI", should we do it, compare it to merit, compare it to in-state, we can do it but it would hurt, blah blah blah.

I think ROI matters even if you are full pay. It is more complex than just they decide and you aren’t really involved, or you are micromanaging.
I hope to guide my kids to choices that they are excited about applying to and I am excited to pay for, should they get accepted.

[Anonymous]

So you're saying, if parents have plenty of money, they do not have a right to influence the college decision.

But if they have a budget, then they can influence the decision?

Is that right?

[Anonymous]

Our kids were only permitted to apply to schools we could afford. The decision re which one to attend was 100% up to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is nothing wrong with parents trying to influence, but the child should feel like she is in the driver’s seat.

Why? That’s absurd.

Because it's the first adult decision they will make and whatever the experience, good or bad, they cannot blame you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

+1

No way in h3ll I'm paying $360k for a degree that has low ROI. We don't have family money.

You don't need a degree from an expensive college to be an ES teacher.

[Anonymous]

Agree

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a parent - you approve the list. The time to set the criteria, money and any other criteria, is before they apply.

This x 1000