"Outside of financial constraints: the kid should fully decide w/out parental influence"

[Anonymous]

Agree or disagree?

If you agree, what would you say about a family who *could* streeeetch to make Harvard, etc. work -- which means, by definition. that they could do the same for, say, a private university of a similar cost you no one has ever heard of?

[Anonymous]

WTF are you asking?

If you can stretch to full pay $90k at Harvard, by definition you can stretch to full pay at any school that charges $90k.

[Anonymous]

I dunno about "fully" - I think there should be some guidance - but my parents had all kinds of crazy rules that really screwed things up for my siblings. You want to avoid that.

[Anonymous]

I think parental influence is fine, as long as it’s that. I don’t think it should be parental directive by fiat though. I mean parents know what kinds of things kids should be asking in terms of attributes and which colleges might have those. But personally perceived prestige would be very near the bottom of the list.

We helped DC come up with a list of 20 or 25. I’d be okay with any of those. So DS can decide which to apply to and choose amongst the acceptances. We will probably help with categories of safety, match, target, reach etc and maybe with EA/ED. But it’s DS’s college experience. I’ve long since earned my last grade in school.

[Anonymous]

Yes I agree.
Stop equivocating.
I think we should just have two buckets:
You are either Full Pay - can afford it, anywhere, anyplace, whatever the kid wants
Or You are not - need to think about it, consider the "value", the "ROI", should we do it, compare it to merit, compare it to in-state, we can do it but it would hurt, blah blah blah.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF are you asking?

If you can stretch to full pay $90k at Harvard, by definition you can stretch to full pay at any school that charges $90k.

Right. As a parent, I wouldn't want to pay $90L for any school, though. Technically, I could, but it would be a realy hardship.
Does that mean I am not fully empowering my kids to make their own decisions?

The quote in the subject line is from another thread. i found myself agreeing, and then wondering if i am a hypocrite

[Anonymous]

Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

+3 (dad, mom, hs junior)

[Anonymous]

Disagree. Of course, I think the kid has the most important opinion. But as the financier and more experienced family member, the parent should have some input. And financial constraints are malleable. Many parents will make voluntary sacrifices (e.g., loans, delayed retirement, etc.) if their kid gets into, say, HYPSM that they wouldn't make for, say, Pepperdine (because their kid wants to be close to the beach). While recognizing that there are many unreasonable parents and many unreasonable kids, it should ideally be something of a team effort with the kid holding more sway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

+1 My kid is asking us a lot of questions and wants some guidance. I can't imagine shrugging that off and telling them they're on their own.

[Anonymous]

Parents who think kids can apply to college and choose among options completely by themselves are delusional and headed for a subpar result. Can some students do this? Probably, but not most. Eighteen year olds do not have the perspective, knowledge, or life experience to make good judgments on such large decisions. Of course, a student’s interests, opinions, etc. are important, but most are massively overwhelmed by the process and decision.

As for OP’s specific question, I wouldn’t leave the final decision solely to your kid. For example, if your kid gets into UVA and Michigan, he doesn’t just get to say “Michigan” with no regard to the cost difference, unless the parent cares less about the price difference.

[Anonymous]

Agree.

We put no stipulations on our 2 college aged kids. They picked where they wanted to apply and while they asked for our opinions they were not bound by any set "rules".

We'll do the same with #3.

[Anonymous]

Luckily our kids value our opinions on this.

[Anonymous]

What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

But, what about the prospect of finding a future-wealthy spouse?