"Outside of financial constraints: the kid should fully decide w/out parental influence"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

But, what about the prospect of finding a future-wealthy spouse?

I’m not paying for college for her to find a partner. I am paying for an education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:WTF are you asking?

If you can stretch to full pay $90k at Harvard, by definition you can stretch to full pay at any school that charges $90k.

OP here. Correct. My question is, should you?
Because I believe that
1) kids should decide without heavy parental influence at the same time
2) there's no way I am paying $90/year for a school I have never heard of at the same time
3) I would pay it for Harvard, etc.
Clearly the 3 above don't go together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I agree.
Stop equivocating.
I think we should just have two buckets:
You are either Full Pay - can afford it, anywhere, anyplace, whatever the kid wants
Or You are not - need to think about it, consider the "value", the "ROI", should we do it, compare it to merit, compare it to in-state, we can do it but it would hurt, blah blah blah.

Are you wealthy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

+1 My kid is asking us a lot of questions and wants some guidance. I can't imagine shrugging that off and telling them they're on their own.

+2 I do generally think that once you have a set of acceptances in hand and they fit the parent's finances, the choice is the student's. If they want to bounce ideas off me, ask questions, etc. happy to do that. But I'm not going to tell them which one I'd choose, they need to own the decision and not feel like the are disappointing me if they pick differently.

For us, the building of the initial list was heavily parent-led. My kids were swamped with school work and intimidated about how to discern from so many schools what might be a fit. So I set up the initial set of tours to figure out if they had a size/setting/location/etc. preferences. From that I figured out what we could afford, learned about merit vs need aid, did a ton of research, proposed schools for them to go read about and say yes/no/maybe. We did some more tours and I suggested other schools to research based off that feedback. Basically, I did what people hire a college counselor to do. Most kids (unless they are research nerds like me and don't have to consider cost) are going to have a hard time building an appropriate list with zero guidance.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't buy a house without thinking about the price. I look at expense % on mutual funds and ETFs. I use a price saver card at the grocery store. I go to a doctor that takes my insurance, even though I'm there there is a best in class doctor somewhere else in an America.

And I'm rich.

For life's most trivial to most consequential issues, I check in on price. To carve out this one issue, for a minor to make on their own, is illogical

[Anonymous]

They need parental guidance. Correction: ours needed parental guidance. Great outcome (for her), she is thrilled- which would not have happened without strategic advice. That means: ED2 card used when student was still holding out for ED1 deferral during RD when chances are now minuscule. She wasn’t excited about the two schools she had already been admitted to as “safeties”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

But, what about the prospect of finding a future-wealthy spouse?

def don't to schools like HYP where half the kids are qualified to pay next to nothing if you want a future-wealthy spouse.

those high earning numbers of yore are gone. by major, STEM kids make the same no matter the school. ditto humanities. Ditto..everthing.

if you want a currently-wealthy, that does impact future-wealthy. for that, aim to the need aware schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

+1 My kid is asking us a lot of questions and wants some guidance. I can't imagine shrugging that off and telling them they're on their own.

+2 I do generally think that once you have a set of acceptances in hand and they fit the parent's finances, the choice is the student's. If they want to bounce ideas off me, ask questions, etc. happy to do that. But I'm not going to tell them which one I'd choose, they need to own the decision and not feel like the are disappointing me if they pick differently.

For us, the building of the initial list was heavily parent-led. My kids were swamped with school work and intimidated about how to discern from so many schools what might be a fit. So I set up the initial set of tours to figure out if they had a size/setting/location/etc. preferences. From that I figured out what we could afford, learned about merit vs need aid, did a ton of research, proposed schools for them to go read about and say yes/no/maybe. We did some more tours and I suggested other schools to research based off that feedback. Basically, I did what people hire a college counselor to do. Most kids (unless they are research nerds like me and don't have to consider cost) are going to have a hard time building an appropriate list with zero guidance.

New to this process: can you really hire someone to do this? I thought college counselors were more about suggesting strategies etc. --

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes I agree.
Stop equivocating.
I think we should just have two buckets:
You are either Full Pay - can afford it, anywhere, anyplace, whatever the kid wants
Or You are not - need to think about it, consider the "value", the "ROI", should we do it, compare it to merit, compare it to in-state, we can do it but it would hurt, blah blah blah.

No, that's stupid.

There are lots of things I can pay for - including $90k college - but I'm not going to if I think it's unwise.

If my kids want me to pay for an expensive college that I think isn't worth the money, I'm going to say no, and that's that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What if you can afford Harvard and the kid gets in but the kid wants to major in elementary education?

I would have to say no. The ROI just isn’t there.

But, what about the prospect of finding a future-wealthy spouse?

I'll buy him one of them when the time comes, too.

[Anonymous]

Of course you can hire someone as a college advisor. It’s very expensive. For us, totally worth the price as we knew NOTHING about how it works these days. It was fully worth it. Maybe at a private school you wouldn’t need it. From DCPS, absolutely. We could barely get them to get the transcripts sent in time without going in and sitting there until they did their jobs.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand handing over the wheel on such a huge financial decision to a 17 year old. For many parents, college is one of the biggest purchases they will ever make. Of course we'll talk as a family about finances, academic and life goals, etc. Our kids respect us and seek our advice. We'll consider all perspectives. But ultimately, we'll treat this decision like any other commodity. Is the benefit worth the cost? Unless our kids are paying for college themselves, we decide.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t pay $90k for a school no one has heard of. There is a lot between that, and Harvard.

[Anonymous]

For most people, “financial constraints” are the major constraints and a major consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Strongly disagree. Why would you want 17-18 year olds making life changing decisions without parental input? That's crazy. 17 year olds aren't even considered competent to enter into contracts.

+1. DC is not even sure what they want to major in. Has admission to several Big 10 schools and Virginia Tech. We can afford to pay for an OOS school but not willing to pay OOS to 'experiment'. Is "Go to Tech" a directive? Not really, but we sure are 'pushing/cajoling/enticing' them towards that decision because we want them to 'own' the decision.
Example conversation snippet..
DC: I want to go OOS and be far away from you guys. I think I like Penn State.
US: Do you realize Penn State is closer to us that Tech? And oh, btw, we'll buy you a car, junior year, if you go to Tech with the money saved. You can be farther away AND have a car!".