How old to discuss n word with non Black child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One thing that I’ve found to be important is to emphasize this is a bad word unlike other “bad words” like cursing. You don’t want them to think it’s an acceptable way to test limits.

I talk about the history of the word and the ugly ways in which it was used. And I don’t care if it’s in rap music or other kids are saying it. It doesn’t make it ok for you to say.

My kids understood this at around 8.

I agree. I told my kids the same thing essentially around the same age. We are white. I told them about the word, and other words including the ones my grandfather was called after he came over from Italy as a boy. I told them we aren't using any of those words, regardless of what you hear other people say-those words aren't for us and we only control our mouths, and those words aren't going to come from our mouths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I haven't discussed it and our oldest is 12. Our kids don't use bad words though. I will say that our 3rd grader knew the n-word, which I was surprised about.

12 is late. Have the discussion today. You would be shocked at what I’ve seen on my middle schoolers’ text threads and Snapchat feeds from kids whose parents are in the dark. (Do a search for my OP last year on finding racist posts on teen’s Snapchats).

[Anonymous]

My daughter (we're black) came home in the first grade explaining that one of her white friends was talking about the "n-word". He wouldn't say the actual word because "he'd be in trouble and his grandpa would pop him in the mouth." I had to explain the word to my daughter but I also greatly appreciated his grandpa.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. Oldest is 14. We are an Asian American family. I have never had a discussion about the N word. We would never say this. They don’t say this. I’m not sure why you feel the need to talk about this.

You are doing your kids a disservice. They need to understand what it's about, its history and how to respond. How are people still so obtuse. Ignoring won't get you anything. We discuss slurs and what they mean no matter the target. That's how your kids know how to be allies. Jesus.

I agree and we are mixed Asian and Black family. I'm shocked that as an Asian American that the poster doesn't understand the harm that racist and derogatory language can cause and how important the need is to discuss this with your kids given all the racist Asian language is used. You're really hanging on to that model minority image. You probably don't talk to your kids about that either. We really need to talk about things as uncomfortable as they are so your kids can recognize it and call it out when they see it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. Oldest is 14. We are an Asian American family. I have never had a discussion about the N word. We would never say this. They don’t say this. I’m not sure why you feel the need to talk about this.

You are doing your kids a disservice. They need to understand what it's about, its history and how to respond. How are people still so obtuse. Ignoring won't get you anything. We discuss slurs and what they mean no matter the target. That's how your kids know how to be allies. Jesus.

I agree and we are mixed Asian and Black family. I'm shocked that as an Asian American that the poster doesn't understand the harm that racist and derogatory language can cause and how important the need is to discuss this with your kids given all the racist Asian language is used. You're really hanging on to that model minority image. You probably don't talk to your kids about that either. We really need to talk about things as uncomfortable as they are so your kids can recognize it and call it out when they see it.

The bolded is uncalled for.

I am black, and we have not discussed it. My kids are 11 and 8.

We are probably foolish to have pushed this topic for this long, but sometimes, we dream of a world where our kids are isolated from nasty stuff. It's not reality, but some parents fall into that trap. It's not necessarily about being a model minority.

I will discuss today though, especially as my 11 year old is headed to middle school in September. Other posters made good points. Your post was nasty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. Oldest is 14. We are an Asian American family. I have never had a discussion about the N word. We would never say this. They don’t say this. I’m not sure why you feel the need to talk about this.

You are doing your kids a disservice. They need to understand what it's about, its history and how to respond. How are people still so obtuse. Ignoring won't get you anything. We discuss slurs and what they mean no matter the target. That's how your kids know how to be allies. Jesus.

I agree and we are mixed Asian and Black family. I'm shocked that as an Asian American that the poster doesn't understand the harm that racist and derogatory language can cause and how important the need is to discuss this with your kids given all the racist Asian language is used. You're really hanging on to that model minority image. You probably don't talk to your kids about that either. We really need to talk about things as uncomfortable as they are so your kids can recognize it and call it out when they see it.

The bolded is uncalled for.

I am black, and we have not discussed it. My kids are 11 and 8.

We are probably foolish to have pushed this topic for this long, but sometimes, we dream of a world where our kids are isolated from nasty stuff. It's not reality, but some parents fall into that trap. It's not necessarily about being a model minority.

I will discuss today though, especially as my 11 year old is headed to middle school in September. Other posters made good points. Your post was nasty.

DP. Thank you for learning. These talks are just as vital for our kids as teaching them to cross the street safely

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have 3 kids. Oldest is 14. We are an Asian American family. I have never had a discussion about the N word. We would never say this. They don’t say this. I’m not sure why you feel the need to talk about this.

This is a big mistake. Total parenting fail. You need to talk about this stuff.

And no, OP, you don't say it when talking about it. You spell it, to emphasize that it should absolutely never be uttered for any reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is this specifically about the n word? Your kids should not be using derrigatiry words towards Italians Irish Chinese etc

OK, all lives matter.

[Anonymous]

Does anyone else think the flip side of this conversation is important as well? And by that I mean, talking to our kids about extending grace (or the benefit of the doubt) to children who might say something offensive because they are young and testing boundaries, or because they are singing along to a song they like, or because they just genuinely didn’t know any better?

What I have seen recently is the cultivation of an almost mob-like mentality in our youth, in which they are encouraged to show no mercy to anyone who may have ever made a mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else think the flip side of this conversation is important as well? And by that I mean, talking to our kids about extending grace (or the benefit of the doubt) to children who might say something offensive because they are young and testing boundaries, or because they are singing along to a song they like, or because they just genuinely didn’t know any better?

What I have seen recently is the cultivation of an almost mob-like mentality in our youth, in which they are encouraged to show no mercy to anyone who may have ever made a mistake.

the thing is, grown adults have been using that excuse for decades when it comes to racism. and it really hasn't benefitted those who are *harmed* by racism. that is why YOU need to teach kids. YOU need to know better

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else think the flip side of this conversation is important as well? And by that I mean, talking to our kids about extending grace (or the benefit of the doubt) to children who might say something offensive because they are young and testing boundaries, or because they are singing along to a song they like, or because they just genuinely didn’t know any better?

What I have seen recently is the cultivation of an almost mob-like mentality in our youth, in which they are encouraged to show no mercy to anyone who may have ever made a mistake.

the thing is, grown adults have been using that excuse for decades when it comes to racism. and it really hasn't benefitted those who are *harmed* by racism. that is why YOU need to teach kids. YOU need to know better

I’m not talking about grown adults. This is a thread about kids and I specifically said children. So maybe address the actual point I made (but you have already revealed that you can’t which is why you brought up some tangential “point” that is devoid of any actual substance) or don’t bother wading in - it’s clearly over your head.

Maybe go back to reddit and crowdsource the next person to cancel for wrongspeak, since that’s probably a task at which at which you shine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else think the flip side of this conversation is important as well? And by that I mean, talking to our kids about extending grace (or the benefit of the doubt) to children who might say something offensive because they are young and testing boundaries, or because they are singing along to a song they like, or because they just genuinely didn’t know any better?

What I have seen recently is the cultivation of an almost mob-like mentality in our youth, in which they are encouraged to show no mercy to anyone who may have ever made a mistake.

the thing is, grown adults have been using that excuse for decades when it comes to racism. and it really hasn't benefitted those who are *harmed* by racism. that is why YOU need to teach kids. YOU need to know better

I’m not talking about grown adults. This is a thread about kids and I specifically said children. So maybe address the actual point I made (but you have already revealed that you can’t which is why you brought up some tangential “point” that is devoid of any actual substance) or don’t bother wading in - it’s clearly over your head.

Maybe go back to reddit and crowdsource the next person to cancel for wrongspeak, since that’s probably a task at which at which you shine.

Nope. What I am saying is if grown adults like you did their jobs and tried to do better, than kids wouldn’t be caught in these moments. Clearly you can’t get over your fragility

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thread made me realize that I may need to talk to my child about the n word. We are Latino (only mention this to indicate that my kid is not black, which I think is relevant). What age/grade is a good time for this discussion? Also, do you say the word when discussing it with your kid?

You can be black and Latino. Do you really not know this? Have you ever been to the Dominican Republic? Puerto Rico? Brazil? Any number of other countries with a large black population in Latin America?

👆🏾tell me you are white without telling me you are white.

Yup

+1 My first thought was "this is a white person mansplaining what Latino means to a Latino"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone else think the flip side of this conversation is important as well? And by that I mean, talking to our kids about extending grace (or the benefit of the doubt) to children who might say something offensive because they are young and testing boundaries, or because they are singing along to a song they like, or because they just genuinely didn’t know any better?

What I have seen recently is the cultivation of an almost mob-like mentality in our youth, in which they are encouraged to show no mercy to anyone who may have ever made a mistake.

the thing is, grown adults have been using that excuse for decades when it comes to racism. and it really hasn't benefitted those who are *harmed* by racism. that is why YOU need to teach kids. YOU need to know better

I’m not talking about grown adults. This is a thread about kids and I specifically said children. So maybe address the actual point I made (but you have already revealed that you can’t which is why you brought up some tangential “point” that is devoid of any actual substance) or don’t bother wading in - it’s clearly over your head.

Maybe go back to reddit and crowdsource the next person to cancel for wrongspeak, since that’s probably a task at which at which you shine.

Nope. What I am saying is if grown adults like you did their jobs and tried to do better, than kids wouldn’t be caught in these moments. Clearly you can’t get over your fragility

What does this mean?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is this specifically about the n word? Your kids should not be using derrigatiry words towards Italians Irish Chinese etc

OK, all lives matter.

"derogatory" really kicked your butt here huh? You couldn't even get close.