tween son wants to paint his toe nails - your reaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It isn't arbitrary, there is thoughtful parenting behind a no explanation answer. Because I said so is entirely appropriate some of the time. I like how you assume that I am a new parent AND that I'm not hip enough to know about trends. Both assumptions happen to be false, but I'll indulge you. You don't need to let a tween boy paint his toenails to express his individuality. You just don't.

So, you don't have a reason why you would say no? You just....would say no? Because you can?

SOrry, I didn't see your answer above, I see you do have an answer. Ignore this question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who give a lengthy explanation for every decision they make create children who demand explanations for every decision the parents make. Save the explanations for things that matter, like why can't I do drugs? Why can't I steal? Why can't I blow off this exam? Etc. The reason behind the no in this case would be, because its weird and not tasteful, in your mother's opinion. I don't feel the need to explain that to a child. It is a silly question, and doesn't need a serious answer.

This is what you call a thoughtful parenting approach? You don't give reasons for requests that you deem silly? That's going to go really well. You should really look up the definition of the word "arbitrary". I'm not sure you know what it means. But from the point of view of your children, you are behaving in an arbitrary manner.

Sorry, but you talk like you have found some key to parenting, when in fact you are rehashing a failed approach tried by millions of tired parents over a dozen generations. It's so common it is a cliche.

Show some guts and give your children real answers. If they aren't good enough, maybe you should rethink your reasons. If they are, then your kids will respect you.

[Anonymous]

I would paint them for him, will save confrontation and manipulation for something more worthwhile.

[Anonymous]

let him go im 14 and i love to do it and im strait

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't care in the least. His dad would lose his frickin mind, however.

[Anonymous]

Who cares?

The only reason I can see that you would ask him why he wants to is because you think it is bad / wrong / weird etc. Your son will likely also interpret your questioning him in the same way.

OP, before you say anything to him you should ask yourself why you are even giving his request a second thought. You need to understand and own your own feelings first before asking him to voice his.

FWIW - if it were my DC I'd say go for it. Now a tattoo is a whole other ball of wax!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents who give a lengthy explanation for every decision they make create children who demand explanations for every decision the parents make. Save the explanations for things that matter, like why can't I do drugs? Why can't I steal? Why can't I blow off this exam? Etc. The reason behind the no in this case would be, because its weird and not tasteful, in your mother's opinion. I don't feel the need to explain that to a child. It is a silly question, and doesn't need a serious answer.

I am not over thinking this but your response gave me chills.

OPs DS is a tween --- the time when kids are exploring who they are, how they will be accepted, what defines them and how to express themselves. OPs DS is NOT asking a silly question. Why? Because we and OP do not know where it is coming from. Sure it just may be DS testing the boundaries or it may be an earnest exploration of himself.

I advocated in a previous post to just be laid back and say sure and see what happens. Because a question like this could be nothing or it could be something and as a parent I'd never forgive myself if I blew this question off as silly and missed one of those subtle moments that shape a child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents who give a lengthy explanation for every decision they make create children who demand explanations for every decision the parents make. Save the explanations for things that matter, like why can't I do drugs? Why can't I steal? Why can't I blow off this exam? Etc. The reason behind the no in this case would be, because its weird and not tasteful, in your mother's opinion. I don't feel the need to explain that to a child. It is a silly question, and doesn't need a serious answer.

I am not over thinking this but your response gave me chills.

OPs DS is a tween --- the time when kids are exploring who they are, how they will be accepted, what defines them and how to express themselves. OPs DS is NOT asking a silly question. Why? Because we and OP do not know where it is coming from. Sure it just may be DS testing the boundaries or it may be an earnest exploration of himself.

I advocated in a previous post to just be laid back and say sure and see what happens. Because a question like this could be nothing or it could be something and as a parent I'd never forgive myself if I blew this question off as silly and missed one of those subtle moments that shape a child.

Give. Me. A. Break.