tween son wants to paint his toe nails - your reaction?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let's say your worse fear is that he is a crossdresser or he is gay: telling him he can't paint his nails will not change who he is. Suicide ranks as #1 in deaths in LGBT teens. So if your tween son is gay or trans, you have the opportunity, in this activity, to let him know you accept him as he is. I think many of the PPs who suggested that you embrace and participate in this activity with him are right on target.

Good luck and all best to you and your son.

I'm the PP who said to tell him he is too young (if he is). I am not saying don't *ever* let the kid paint his toenails but allow him to mature a bit before he makes his decision. Yes it is only his toenails and not a tattoo. Still, as a parent I would talk to him and try to guide him into making the wisest decision and the ability to do so comes with age. The fleeting fancy of painted toenails doesn't need to take place right away; it can be something that you think about, even for just a couple of months, to make sure it's something you really want to do. I'm just saying, it's unusual so it doesn't hurt to think on it.

That works unless they have a daughter who is already painting her nails. Even so, I'm sure he'll be able to point out friends, cousins, etc. - maybe even pictures of mom as a girl with her nails done. Or maybe he'll wait a few years and ask again. I think the age thing is a convenient dodge and I don't believe in using dodges. If you are going to give him a reason, give him an honest one.

[Anonymous]

Daughter or Son... I'd say NO WAY!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I vote for back off and don't make a big deal about it.

this

[Anonymous]

At this very moment my 7 yo son's toenails are painted bright orange. He picked out the polish at Claire's and I did it for him.

[Anonymous]

OMG, you guys are so over thinking this. The mere fact that you would have a sit down, or a touchy-feely conversation about this is so ridiculous and would draw more attention to this fleeting thought than necessary. Take him to Claires? Do you take your kid to the store to buy whatever they want, whenever they want it? Do you need to provide a lengthy explanation each time you tell your child no? I'd say nah, we aren't doing that and change the subject. He is 11, not 21. Would I say the same thing to a girl? No! Does that make me a homophobe? No! If you are so gender neutral and PC, go ahead and pick out some traditionally girlish clothes for your newborn so they don't form a bias. I dare you. Give me a break!

[Anonymous]

my reaction would be "sure, whatever...."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OMG, you guys are so over thinking this. The mere fact that you would have a sit down, or a touchy-feely conversation about this is so ridiculous and would draw more attention to this fleeting thought than necessary. Take him to Claires? Do you take your kid to the store to buy whatever they want, whenever they want it? Do you need to provide a lengthy explanation each time you tell your child no? I'd say nah, we aren't doing that and change the subject. He is 11, not 21. Would I say the same thing to a girl? No! Does that make me a homophobe? No! If you are so gender neutral and PC, go ahead and pick out some traditionally girlish clothes for your newborn so they don't form a bias. I dare you. Give me a break!

Saying no without thinking is ridiculous. Little bits of arbitrary parenting add up, and eventually they just override you when they recognize that you don't have a reason for what you do. You just haven't been a parent long enough to know. But go ahead with your "because I said so" plan.

And this isn't about being gender neutral or PC. It's about whether you let your kid be an individual or not.

But FWIW, whether he paints his nails or not, it's not going to change who he is. So let him do it and see what happens. I'd say 95% odds he paints them steel blue or black, because that's what the boys seem to be doing since they are imitating musicians and a few extreme sports athletes. I realize that this has not hit your little corner of Mayberry, but it is happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:my reaction would be "sure, whatever...."

me, too. I have a young son, and he thinks polish is interesting, but hasn't really shown much interest in wearing it. I don't wear polish often, though.

As for the difference between girls and boys...it's because polish on girls is part of the sexualization of girls. Polish on boys does not have this cultural connotation. Most boys who wear polish (I'm a professor, and I see this occasionally on male students) usually have a sense of humor about these things--they do it to get attention from female peers, who think that it's cool/funny. Note that they usually choose an offbeat color, like orange or bight blue or acid green. I don't have very many "emo" or goth students, but the black polish is part of that look.

[Anonymous]

It isn't arbitrary, there is thoughtful parenting behind a no explanation answer. Because I said so is entirely appropriate some of the time. I like how you assume that I am a new parent AND that I'm not hip enough to know about trends. Both assumptions happen to be false, but I'll indulge you. You don't need to let a tween boy paint his toenails to express his individuality. You just don't.

[Anonymous]

who cares?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't arbitrary, there is thoughtful parenting behind a no explanation answer. Because I said so is entirely appropriate some of the time. I like how you assume that I am a new parent AND that I'm not hip enough to know about trends. Both assumptions happen to be false, but I'll indulge you. You don't need to let a tween boy paint his toenails to express his individuality. You just don't.

Touchy, touchy.

Sure, the boy doesn't need to paint his nails to express his individuality. But he wants to. So why do you need to stop him? It's not smart to do something without having an explanation for him. I'm not sure what thought you put into that style of parenting, but I've been around long enough to know where that ends up. However, you have not said to this group of parents why you should say no. So maybe you don't have a good reason for anyone, let alone the child.

[Anonymous]

Oooh... what color?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't arbitrary, there is thoughtful parenting behind a no explanation answer. Because I said so is entirely appropriate some of the time. I like how you assume that I am a new parent AND that I'm not hip enough to know about trends. Both assumptions happen to be false, but I'll indulge you. You don't need to let a tween boy paint his toenails to express his individuality. You just don't.

People who think that "no explanation" answers are smart get there because their kids successfully pick away at their explanations. So all they have left is "because I said so". I'm not sure that is thoughtful parenting. Maybe it is better than nothing.

[Anonymous]

Parents who give a lengthy explanation for every decision they make create children who demand explanations for every decision the parents make. Save the explanations for things that matter, like why can't I do drugs? Why can't I steal? Why can't I blow off this exam? Etc. The reason behind the no in this case would be, because its weird and not tasteful, in your mother's opinion. I don't feel the need to explain that to a child. It is a silly question, and doesn't need a serious answer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It isn't arbitrary, there is thoughtful parenting behind a no explanation answer. Because I said so is entirely appropriate some of the time. I like how you assume that I am a new parent AND that I'm not hip enough to know about trends. Both assumptions happen to be false, but I'll indulge you. You don't need to let a tween boy paint his toenails to express his individuality. You just don't.

So, you don't have a reason why you would say no? You just....would say no? Because you can?