Advice on twins in terms of college acceptances

[Anonymous]

I highly doubt our parents stressed about these things. Glad I inherited that from them. I'd tell your kids they'll both get in somewhere, and it'll all shake out just fine.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't compare them. They are both different people (and hopefully have learned that by now). Talk up the safeties and remind both twins why they selected those schools. Talk about wanting to go to a school that wants you.

And while you cannot talk about the one twin working harder, you can discuss that everyone ends up where they belong. Because you cannot also discount all the hard work the one twin did---if they get into "better schools" and the other doesn't then it is likely because of all their dedication and hard work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have twins, but as an outsider just wanted to express confidence in you and your kids to navigate this. You have a lifetime of practice, right? One twin gets invited to bday party and the other doesn’t. One makes their travel team and one gets cut. One has a date every weekend and the other has never been kissed. You and your kids handle it with love for each other and value for each other regardless of achievement, and you’ll do it this time, too.

This 1000%. I'm certain they have had to navigate this over the years. I get that it's a bit different with twins, but many siblings experience this.

I'm the younger sibling and I actually am thankful that it's that way. I'm the "smarter"/more successful sibling all the way thru school. I was top of my class, 4.0 UW in HS, valedictorian, class president, All State 1st chair on my instrument for 4 years, top of class for everything STEM, etc. Meanwhile sibling graduated in top 15% of class, not involved in many activities in HS, went to college and did okay.
I was were I landed because of my drive and willingness to do more...my sibling was not dumb, but chose to do the minimum and coast thru. Those choices mean different paths in life. I had my pick of schools, many with excellent merit. They did not have as many choices.

If it was reversed I would have hated being the younger sibling (only 2 years) and having teachers compare me to the older more successful. As it was I got used to teachers saying, "oh you are so different than your sibling" Yeah no shit, we are different people and you should not be saying that to a student.

[Anonymous]

We know lots and lots of twins. They're ALL like this.

Definitely keep talking up ALL the schools they're accepted to. Hopefully, you've prepared them that anything can happen in admissions. They've done the hard work, and hopefully will both be moving on to great things. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Don't be surprised if the one that's stronger on paper who worked harder and was more driven is rejected bc the school needs to balance their student body. Different genders have advantages and disadvantages depending on school. Girls are disadvantaged in SLACs. They have advantages in engineering schools.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t have twins, but as an outsider just wanted to express confidence in you and your kids to navigate this. You have a lifetime of practice, right? One twin gets invited to bday party and the other doesn’t. One makes their travel team and one gets cut. One has a date every weekend and the other has never been kissed. You and your kids handle it with love for each other and value for each other regardless of achievement, and you’ll do it this time, too.

I have g/g twins who are not quite old enough to apply for college and this comment is spot on, we have been navigating their differences since they were in preschool. In my case one girl is very pretty, easily makes tons of friends and is invited to all the parties, is a strong athlete and just an ok student. Her twin sister is quiet, very academically strong, and has just a few close friends. They couldn't be more different and someone always feels bad when they are planning to go to a dance or getting report cards. College acceptances will be another trial, I'm just hoping they don't want to apply to any of the same schools.

[Anonymous]

What I find fascinating is so many posters with twins just assume that because they have twins the competition or whatever you want to call it between the siblings is greater or more likely to cause problems than if they weren’t twins. However, I’m betting that a lot of the same posters only have twins and don’t have other kids, so how the hell do they know?

There is sibling rivalry and competition in every family with more than one kid. Kids just need to learn that if some kids work harder than other kids and do better in school than other kids that they will have more opportunities when it comes to college. I had four kids, and my kids all knew that. They did not blame each other or harbor ill will against each other simply because some got into better colleges than others. They knew exactly why it was happening. I find it very hard to believe that the situation is so terribly different for twins. If it is, the twins need to grow the hell up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find fascinating is so many posters with twins just assume that because they have twins the competition or whatever you want to call it between the siblings is greater or more likely to cause problems than if they weren’t twins. However, I’m betting that a lot of the same posters only have twins and don’t have other kids, so how the hell do they know?

There is sibling rivalry and competition in every family with more than one kid. Kids just need to learn that if some kids work harder than other kids and do better in school than other kids that they will have more opportunities when it comes to college. I had four kids, and my kids all knew that. They did not blame each other or harbor ill will against each other simply because some got into better colleges than others. They knew exactly why it was happening. I find it very hard to believe that the situation is so terribly different for twins. If it is, the twins need to grow the hell up.

So helpful LOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I find fascinating is so many posters with twins just assume that because they have twins the competition or whatever you want to call it between the siblings is greater or more likely to cause problems than if they weren’t twins. However, I’m betting that a lot of the same posters only have twins and don’t have other kids, so how the hell do they know?

There is sibling rivalry and competition in every family with more than one kid. Kids just need to learn that if some kids work harder than other kids and do better in school than other kids that they will have more opportunities when it comes to college. I had four kids, and my kids all knew that. They did not blame each other or harbor ill will against each other simply because some got into better colleges than others. They knew exactly why it was happening. I find it very hard to believe that the situation is so terribly different for twins. If it is, the twins need to grow the hell up.

So helpful LOL

Thank you. I mean, it’s true. The idea that somehow it’s different and has to be managed differently when two kids who happen to be born on the same day and know each other well enough to know that one has better grades, test scores, etc. and is a stronger candidate for college admissions that the other is odd. Every parent with more than one kid has to manage this. If anything, the fact that twins are often so close makes it easier for one to support the other and not get too jealous or worked up over the other’s greater degree of success.

[Anonymous]

Definitely talk to them in advance. Emphasize their differences in a positive way and let them know schools are looking for different things. Probably easier they are boy/girl so already huge difference

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely talk to them in advance. Emphasize their differences in a positive way and let them know schools are looking for different things. Probably easier they are boy/girl so already huge difference

Please explain how your advice when dealing with siblings with different academic profiles would be any different if they weren’t twins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What I find fascinating is so many posters with twins just assume that because they have twins the competition or whatever you want to call it between the siblings is greater or more likely to cause problems than if they weren’t twins. However, I’m betting that a lot of the same posters only have twins and don’t have other kids, so how the hell do they know?

There is sibling rivalry and competition in every family with more than one kid. Kids just need to learn that if some kids work harder than other kids and do better in school than other kids that they will have more opportunities when it comes to college. I had four kids, and my kids all knew that. They did not blame each other or harbor ill will against each other simply because some got into better colleges than others. They knew exactly why it was happening. I find it very hard to believe that the situation is so terribly different for twins. If it is, the twins need to grow the hell up.

Not sure why I’m bothering to reply to this comment but really? Did your kids tryout for the same basketball team on the same day? Audition for the same play at the same time? Have the same math teacher at the same time, who openly compared them? One who had a date to prom while the other stayed home from the very same prom without anyone to go with, while their twin was getting ready and posting photos? You have no idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I find fascinating is so many posters with twins just assume that because they have twins the competition or whatever you want to call it between the siblings is greater or more likely to cause problems than if they weren’t twins. However, I’m betting that a lot of the same posters only have twins and don’t have other kids, so how the hell do they know?

There is sibling rivalry and competition in every family with more than one kid. Kids just need to learn that if some kids work harder than other kids and do better in school than other kids that they will have more opportunities when it comes to college. I had four kids, and my kids all knew that. They did not blame each other or harbor ill will against each other simply because some got into better colleges than others. They knew exactly why it was happening. I find it very hard to believe that the situation is so terribly different for twins. If it is, the twins need to grow the hell up.

Not sure why I’m bothering to reply to this comment but really? Did your kids tryout for the same basketball team on the same day? Audition for the same play at the same time? Have the same math teacher at the same time, who openly compared them? One who had a date to prom while the other stayed home from the very same prom without anyone to go with, while their twin was getting ready and posting photos? You have no idea.

Among the kids that I have, a pair is one year apart and are the same gender. I went through virtually all of these experiences with them, yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look, one twin worked harder. If she gets into better schools, it’s a good lesson to the other twin that hard work can pay off.

But the gender imbalance at colleges is real (depending on program / school)
I have kids 1 year apart and my DD is a stronger applicant - but DS got accepted to programs where she got WL

And if both were Engineering/CS majors, your DD would have had a slight edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What I find fascinating is so many posters with twins just assume that because they have twins the competition or whatever you want to call it between the siblings is greater or more likely to cause problems than if they weren’t twins. However, I’m betting that a lot of the same posters only have twins and don’t have other kids, so how the hell do they know?

There is sibling rivalry and competition in every family with more than one kid. Kids just need to learn that if some kids work harder than other kids and do better in school than other kids that they will have more opportunities when it comes to college. I had four kids, and my kids all knew that. They did not blame each other or harbor ill will against each other simply because some got into better colleges than others. They knew exactly why it was happening. I find it very hard to believe that the situation is so terribly different for twins. If it is, the twins need to grow the hell up.

So helpful LOL

Thank you. I mean, it’s true. The idea that somehow it’s different and has to be managed differently when two kids who happen to be born on the same day and know each other well enough to know that one has better grades, test scores, etc. and is a stronger candidate for college admissions that the other is odd. Every parent with more than one kid has to manage this. If anything, the fact that twins are often so close makes it easier for one to support the other and not get too jealous or worked up over the other’s greater degree of success.

You have no idea what you are talking about.