Does anyone regret NOT being a SAHP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to be a stay at home parent but my income isn’t insignificant to our family and lifestyle.

I have a 5yo and a 2yo and it still hurts. I don’t know if I “regret” not being a sahp, because my income makes significant lifestyle factors attainable for my kids, but the choice still hurts, and I still feel sad that my husbands income alone isn’t enough for the things we want. Whether that feeling is entitled or not I don’t know, but it’s how I feel.

+1, except my kids are older now and the feeling hasn't gone away. I went into my marriage with the shared understanding that an equal partnership meant both parents would work and attempt to divide parenting and domestic duties equitably. DH pulls equal weight for sure, but I was unprepared for how sad I would feel returning to work. It never really gelled for me and I never feel I have enough capacity for work or parenting, and I feel I missed out on so much of my kids' young lives. I also know that my DH would never be comfortable being the sole breadwinner. We are always at an impasse because I could quit and add to his stress, or continue to work as intended and make do as always. So that's what I keep doing.

Like pp said, the choice still hurts. I wish I had known myself better or picked a more flexible partner sometimes, but there's much to be grateful for in my life, and my kids are doing well.

Similar feelings and ages. I’m sad I picked a partner who thinks he can’t support a family on 500k. He’s made it clear I’m expected to work AND be a mother with little regard for the fact I’m not a man.

Can you elaborate?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to be a stay at home parent but my income isn’t insignificant to our family and lifestyle.

I have a 5yo and a 2yo and it still hurts. I don’t know if I “regret” not being a sahp, because my income makes significant lifestyle factors attainable for my kids, but the choice still hurts, and I still feel sad that my husbands income alone isn’t enough for the things we want. Whether that feeling is entitled or not I don’t know, but it’s how I feel.

+1, except my kids are older now and the feeling hasn't gone away. I went into my marriage with the shared understanding that an equal partnership meant both parents would work and attempt to divide parenting and domestic duties equitably. DH pulls equal weight for sure, but I was unprepared for how sad I would feel returning to work. It never really gelled for me and I never feel I have enough capacity for work or parenting, and I feel I missed out on so much of my kids' young lives. I also know that my DH would never be comfortable being the sole breadwinner. We are always at an impasse because I could quit and add to his stress, or continue to work as intended and make do as always. So that's what I keep doing.

Like pp said, the choice still hurts. I wish I had known myself better or picked a more flexible partner sometimes, but there's much to be grateful for in my life, and my kids are doing well.

PP here. I feel exactly the same way. I *could* stay home for a few years and make it work on my husbands income, but it would require financial trade offs that I don’t think are in my kids (or my own) best interest, and I think it would very stressful for my husband to be the sole provider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to be a stay at home parent but my income isn’t insignificant to our family and lifestyle.

I have a 5yo and a 2yo and it still hurts. I don’t know if I “regret” not being a sahp, because my income makes significant lifestyle factors attainable for my kids, but the choice still hurts, and I still feel sad that my husbands income alone isn’t enough for the things we want. Whether that feeling is entitled or not I don’t know, but it’s how I feel.

+1, except my kids are older now and the feeling hasn't gone away. I went into my marriage with the shared understanding that an equal partnership meant both parents would work and attempt to divide parenting and domestic duties equitably. DH pulls equal weight for sure, but I was unprepared for how sad I would feel returning to work. It never really gelled for me and I never feel I have enough capacity for work or parenting, and I feel I missed out on so much of my kids' young lives. I also know that my DH would never be comfortable being the sole breadwinner. We are always at an impasse because I could quit and add to his stress, or continue to work as intended and make do as always. So that's what I keep doing.

Like pp said, the choice still hurts. I wish I had known myself better or picked a more flexible partner sometimes, but there's much to be grateful for in my life, and my kids are doing well.

Similar feelings and ages. I’m sad I picked a partner who thinks he can’t support a family on 500k. He’s made it clear I’m expected to work AND be a mother with little regard for the fact I’m not a man.

Can you elaborate?

Not PP but don’t be obtuse. A lot of moms feel more drawn to caretaking/nurturing tasks and feel the pull to being with their children all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always wanted to be a stay at home parent but my income isn’t insignificant to our family and lifestyle.

I have a 5yo and a 2yo and it still hurts. I don’t know if I “regret” not being a sahp, because my income makes significant lifestyle factors attainable for my kids, but the choice still hurts, and I still feel sad that my husbands income alone isn’t enough for the things we want. Whether that feeling is entitled or not I don’t know, but it’s how I feel.

+1, except my kids are older now and the feeling hasn't gone away. I went into my marriage with the shared understanding that an equal partnership meant both parents would work and attempt to divide parenting and domestic duties equitably. DH pulls equal weight for sure, but I was unprepared for how sad I would feel returning to work. It never really gelled for me and I never feel I have enough capacity for work or parenting, and I feel I missed out on so much of my kids' young lives. I also know that my DH would never be comfortable being the sole breadwinner. We are always at an impasse because I could quit and add to his stress, or continue to work as intended and make do as always. So that's what I keep doing.

Like pp said, the choice still hurts. I wish I had known myself better or picked a more flexible partner sometimes, but there's much to be grateful for in my life, and my kids are doing well.

Similar feelings and ages. I’m sad I picked a partner who thinks he can’t support a family on 500k. He’s made it clear I’m expected to work AND be a mother with little regard for the fact I’m not a man.

I’m sorry. That makes me angry on your behalf that he could earn so much and feel like it’s not enough. What about your happiness? Is that important?