Does anyone regret NOT being a SAHP?

[Anonymous]

There are a ton of posts about people regretting becoming a SAHM because of subsequent divorce, boredom, empty nest angst, marital dynamics, financial woes etc.

Would be interested in hearing if anyone regretted NOT staying at home when kids were young for whatever reason (marriage turned out perfect, spouse’s career took off and you didn’t need your income after all, kids might have different relationship with you etc)?

[Anonymous]

I don't regret it at all.
Background- my work was always in low paying non profits, partner works in high pay field.
Took off work completely for five years
Returned to work part time for seven
Found full time gainful, work in same field at 42.
I am good at my job, have gotten promotions and pay increases over Time, and it provides great benefits for my family.

Work has just never provided a real sense of purpose for me, or fulfillment. It's a means to an end. And currently, it's serving a purpose (money, benefits, security, intellectual stimulation).
If I had to do it over again, I probably would have decided not to go back to work at all. It's a LOT of stress for questionable returns.


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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't regret it at all.
Background- my work was always in low paying non profits, partner works in high pay field.
Took off work completely for five years
Returned to work part time for seven
Found full time gainful, work in same field at 42.
I am good at my job, have gotten promotions and pay increases over Time, and it provides great benefits for my family.

Work has just never provided a real sense of purpose for me, or fulfillment. It's a means to an end. And currently, it's serving a purpose (money, benefits, security, intellectual stimulation).
If I had to do it over again, I probably would have decided not to go back to work at all. It's a LOT of stress for questionable returns.


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You were a SAHM for five years.

[Anonymous]

Not at all. Spouse died unexpectedly and I was able to provide for the family with no problem.

[Anonymous]

I used to get some "mommy guilt" when I was working in a toxic work environment. Actually being in that environment made me insecure about many things in work and out. The pandemic moved our jobs to WFH for 2 years and we had a massive layoff/reorganization. I landed In great WHF job with an awesome team that made me feel good about my work again. Everyone was a parent and understanding of me to take/pick up my kids at school, and the job hours were totally flexible and mostly in my control. I was able to spend probably as much time with my kids as SAHP and I was still able to feel that I contributed positively to my job. If I had stayed in my old toxic role, I would regret it. That place took a toll of everyone's health- physical, social, and emotional.

[Anonymous]

No I don't. My child is happy, went to a local daycare. It's like sending your kid to public school or college.
We are happy, we go on vacations, I feel loved, I'm grateful for everything

[Anonymous]

And I like my job and love my family

[Anonymous]

I regret working. I worked cause what else to do in life and then got married somewhat late. The first years with babies I still needed work, I had not adjusted to parenthood and it was a hard time and work was the break I needed. But once my kids hit 4 years of age I enjoyed parenting a lot more and wished so much I could quit work. I hate that I can’t take care of my children and home the way I want. It’s a golden handcuff situation as I’ve worked too long to give up the retirement ( plus we’ll need it ).

I fully support working moms, I am one, but I am one who would quit if I financially could.

[Anonymous]

I had a SAHM and think I'd really enjoy being a SAHM. I love doing projects with the kids and we're always up to something. It would be great to have even more time for that stuff. I do also think life would be more stressful financially and there's be more pressure on our marriage. It's not really regret, as much as I just wish there were more hours in a day or that every weekend was a 3 day weekend.

[Anonymous]

"regret" is a fraudulent term. People regret not getting the benefits, but don't consider the costs.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to stay home when my kids were babies, but it wasn’t financially feasible. So I kept working, though I had relatively short, flexible hours. Now that my kids are teens, I’m not sorry things worked out the way they did. I advanced further in my career than I ever thought possible, and there’s no way that would have happened had I stayed home. And I managed to keep very family-friendly hours all along. Now I’m almost always home whenever the kids are, and I get to work a job that I (mostly) love. That said, I would have jumped at the chance to stay home had the opportunity presented itself!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"regret" is a fraudulent term. People regret not getting the benefits, but don't consider the costs.

Fraudulent? People can feel what they feel

[Anonymous]

Nope. I am not cut out for full time parenting. I came to enjoy my maternity leave for a while but by the end of month two I was pretty much over it and looking for ways to fill my days.

[Anonymous]

Not me. My kids are teens and they don't seem less bonded, or not well adjusted, or anything like that. Their friends who had SAHMs are great kids and those who had WOHMs are also great kids. Most kids turn out fine.

[Anonymous]

you're going to see a lot of "no regrets" responses because this is a very hot topic and women get very defensive about it