Couples who live separate lives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am thinking of a particular couple who I’ve known for years. They seem to get along well (at least on the surface) and have a nice and close family, but they (neither works anymore although they’re still relatively young) do a lot of stuff apart. Take long separate vacations, etc. And they’re not shy about it.

Don’t you think it’s kind of weird?

“Relatively young”….you have your answer right there. Modern marriages are very different from what some of us in more traditional marriages view as being normal or weird. Remember a lot of these young couples are marrying in an era that not only normalizes “hookups” but views it as totally healthy. So it is not surprising to me at all that they would have separate lives once married. And I don’t think it’s weird. Every generation has its own customs and habits.

OP here. By “relatively young“ I didn’t mean that young. They’re probably pushing 60. And they’ve been married forever. I just wonder what the real story is and why they don’t just get divorced. It seems so odd to me.

I don’t think marriages are meant for people to spend 24/7/365 with each other. Everyone needs their me time so maybe this is their way to get it.

It’s also possible that there is something else going on that they aren’t sharing, and if that’s the case, it’s really none of your business. Different lives work for different people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think its weird too. I know many people say couples dont have to have similar interests, but I couldn't imagine dating and then marrying someone I had nothing in common with.

As long as the people are happy I'd never say anything. I'm more mad about my friend who's husband is into ultra-marathons and takes a million hours away from the fam to focus on "his" thing, but that means his wife cant ever take any time for herself.

Nothing in OP’s posts suggests that the couple in question share “nothing in common.”

[Anonymous]

I'm 45 and we do this. It's glorious. A lot of my friends are just now getting divorced. We're still going strong.

[Anonymous]

I think those of us in second marriages are more likely to have hobbies and interests separate from our husbands. Like a PP I love to travel and my husband doesn’t. He also doesn’t like to take off work for an extended period of time. I do my own thing. I adore him, he’s amazing and he’s my best friend but we each have lives outside of each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do this, I guess. He can't take much leave, and I love to travel, so I go alone. He doesn't like the same trips I do, anyway. Do I wish we could share these experiences? Of course. But the military says otherwise for now, so I'll just enjoy not having to drag another person through the airport to make a connection.

You will be one of those women a few years from now filing for divorce because her DH is not sharing experiences with her etc. Poor guy has no idea what’s coming a few years from now. I tell every married man if your wife does activities away from you for a long time you are toasted.

NP. If your marriage is this fragile, PP, I pity your wife if you have one. She can't do "activities away from" you because, what, that means you're going to divorce? I'll be sure to tell that to my DH of 32 years; I'm sure he's quaking in his boots at the fact I'm planning to go off for a long weekend soon and will, gasp!, meet with people I've never met and it's all for pure fun. In your little world, I'm heading for divorce because, I guess?, he isn't going to share the experience with me. Gosh, thanks for the heads-up. No idea how our marriage survived all these years of each of us having interests of our own. (More than enough shared ones to compensate. Not that we need to.)

PP sounds like an abusive control freak who's worried his wife might meet someone better if she'd allowed out without a leash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think those of us in second marriages are more likely to have hobbies and interests separate from our husbands. Like a PP I love to travel and my husband doesn’t. He also doesn’t like to take off work for an extended period of time. I do my own thing. I adore him, he’s amazing and he’s my best friend but we each have lives outside of each other.

Agree.

Hitting the Reset Button after 20 hellish years raising kids with a Nag or Deadweight is the best. Just don’t remarry someone too young and have more kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am thinking of a particular couple who I’ve known for years. They seem to get along well (at least on the surface) and have a nice and close family, but they (neither works anymore although they’re still relatively young) do a lot of stuff apart. Take long separate vacations, etc. And they’re not shy about it.

Don’t you think it’s kind of weird?

“Relatively young”….you have your answer right there. Modern marriages are very different from what some of us in more traditional marriages view as being normal or weird. Remember a lot of these young couples are marrying in an era that not only normalizes “hookups” but views it as totally healthy. So it is not surprising to me at all that they would have separate lives once married. And I don’t think it’s weird. Every generation has its own customs and habits.

OP here. By “relatively young“ I didn’t mean that young. They’re probably pushing 60. And they’ve been married forever. I just wonder what the real story is and why they don’t just get divorced. It seems so odd to me.

Maybe they like each other. They like being married. They also like having their own interests. For example, why should the one who burns like a lobster go to the beach when their spouse likes to relax with a book on the sand?

[Anonymous]

Lots of judgment here.

My husband and I have some shared activities and some separate/individual activities. We love to travel together, and with others. I take an annual trip w/ my best friend, he takes one w/ his brother.

One of the things I love about him and fully support is that he has hobbies and strong friendships that preceded me in his life. The same is true for me. We each want to support the other in being able to continue enjoying those things.

We also spend an absurd amount of time just sitting and watching tv/movies together or playing games together or whatever. So people see our separate activities but not our daily 2-3 hours where we're spending time together.

I see no reason to judge or question what works for other people. Good for them for building happy lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We do this, I guess. He can't take much leave, and I love to travel, so I go alone. He doesn't like the same trips I do, anyway. Do I wish we could share these experiences? Of course. But the military says otherwise for now, so I'll just enjoy not having to drag another person through the airport to make a connection.

You will be one of those women a few years from now filing for divorce because her DH is not sharing experiences with her etc. Poor guy has no idea what’s coming a few years from now. I tell every married man if your wife does activities away from you for a long time you are toasted.

So I should...sit at home and never do my absolute favorite thing because he has too many responsibilities at work to take more than two days off at a time? Sure. Sounds awesome.

Also, we don't believe in divorce. Go project somewhere else.

Well that explains it, religious nuttos. The rest of your post doesnt matter if you just simply dont believe in divorce and will stay with your spouse no matter what.