NYT Article on Open Marriage

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women are finally enjoying what men have always enjoyed. I don’t about some of you, but it’s common knowledge that my dad has his mistresses and of course my mom turned a blind eye. Men have always had open marriages but it was only one way. Now women are at least being “nice” and asking their husbands for an open marriage.

My great grandma had 2 kids from a different father in the 1910's. I found out through DNA.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by couples with "open" marriages. It was a lot more like wife swapping, really. A lot of people did get hurt. Some parents I know even got AIDS... but that wouldn't be my concern now, my concern now is, marriage and kids works as a partnership. No matter how stable you think your open marriage is, it's never that. Without the binary of just having a self and an other, there's a lot more to balance. I also grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by people who couldn't stop talking about how progressive and wonderful and cool they were for having their open marriages... meanwhile we kids were thrown together and torn apart by whom our parents were or weren't sleeping with. Nothing like telling the school counselor, "Beth isn't my mom, she's just my dad's girlfriend. But yeah, she has permission to get me from school."

Thanks for sharing the perspective of the now grown child. I think adults get lost in their own worlds sometimes, with all sorts of things (work, marriage, divorce, drama, trauma - anything). It’s helpful to see this narrative.

Agreed.

People who want to live this way shouldn't have kids. They are too selfish.

The world would be a better place if many immature adults just skipped having kids and did what they really want to do...live for themselves.

About 40 percent of babies are born out of wedlock in the U.S., plus all the people who cheat, plus all the people who get divorced and introduce new partners and instability into their kids lives that way. It would be better if all kids were being raised in committed, monogamous relationships by their parents, but polyamory is a drop in the bucket there and if you have a specific problem with that group, it's a vibes issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by couples with "open" marriages. It was a lot more like wife swapping, really. A lot of people did get hurt. Some parents I know even got AIDS... but that wouldn't be my concern now, my concern now is, marriage and kids works as a partnership. No matter how stable you think your open marriage is, it's never that. Without the binary of just having a self and an other, there's a lot more to balance. I also grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by people who couldn't stop talking about how progressive and wonderful and cool they were for having their open marriages... meanwhile we kids were thrown together and torn apart by whom our parents were or weren't sleeping with. Nothing like telling the school counselor, "Beth isn't my mom, she's just my dad's girlfriend. But yeah, she has permission to get me from school."

Polyamory is rise of the progressives

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few excerpts follow:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/13/books/molly-roden-winter-more-book-open-marriage.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

“I felt like there were no stories from the mainstream about it, and I felt very closeted,” Winter said. “It often feels like mothers are not supposed to be sexual beings.”

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Jessica Fern, a psychotherapist who counsels people in open relationships, said Winter’s account adds a new layer to the growing catalog of nonfiction about polyamory.

“Her story, which is about what it means for a mother to be erotically charged, that story I haven’t seen enough yet,” said Fern, author of “Polysecure” and “Polywise.”

Fern noted that there might be a scarcity of books by moms in open marriages because they are simply too busy: “When you’re a parent and you’re polyamorous, who has time to write?”

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DCUM Thoughts?

Nowadays you can glorify any lifestyle and push for whatever you practice to be seen as normal and mainstream. Who can blame polyamorists or polygamists?

[Anonymous]

Epstein and Maxwell also defended their lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

To be fair, who can limit normal to their own definition.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A few excerpts follow:

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/01/13/books/molly-roden-winter-more-book-open-marriage.html?smid=nytcore-ios-share&referringSource=articleShare

“I felt like there were no stories from the mainstream about it, and I felt very closeted,” Winter said. “It often feels like mothers are not supposed to be sexual beings.”

—-
Jessica Fern, a psychotherapist who counsels people in open relationships, said Winter’s account adds a new layer to the growing catalog of nonfiction about polyamory.

“Her story, which is about what it means for a mother to be erotically charged, that story I haven’t seen enough yet,” said Fern, author of “Polysecure” and “Polywise.”

Fern noted that there might be a scarcity of books by moms in open marriages because they are simply too busy: “When you’re a parent and you’re polyamorous, who has time to write?”

—
DCUM Thoughts?

This feels like a a clickbait type article.

[Anonymous]

If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

[Anonymous]

I wonder whether people with particular attachment styles are more likely to end up non-monogomous. Two women I know who want non-monogomous relationships both seem to have classic disorganized attachment styles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

[Anonymous]

I don't really have anything against it.

But I will say the only person I know who tried this is the most effed up, damaged and damaging person that I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by couples with "open" marriages. It was a lot more like wife swapping, really. A lot of people did get hurt. Some parents I know even got AIDS... but that wouldn't be my concern now, my concern now is, marriage and kids works as a partnership. No matter how stable you think your open marriage is, it's never that. Without the binary of just having a self and an other, there's a lot more to balance. I also grew up in the seventies as a small child surrounded by people who couldn't stop talking about how progressive and wonderful and cool they were for having their open marriages... meanwhile we kids were thrown together and torn apart by whom our parents were or weren't sleeping with. Nothing like telling the school counselor, "Beth isn't my mom, she's just my dad's girlfriend. But yeah, she has permission to get me from school."

Thanks for sharing the perspective of the now grown child. I think adults get lost in their own worlds sometimes, with all sorts of things (work, marriage, divorce, drama, trauma - anything). It’s helpful to see this narrative.

Agreed.

People who want to live this way shouldn't have kids. They are too selfish.

The world would be a better place if many immature adults just skipped having kids and did what they really want to do...live for themselves.

I kinda agree, but biological and social influence is real. As a woman who’s kids are now older elementary age, I feel myself reawakening as it were.

My kids are awesome and I love them, but now that my hormones are changing and the kids are smelly and opinionated I’m…restless.

I’ve read enough books to know I’m not alone. There’s a million books, drugs, etc to try and suppress or overcome.

Or I can engage in discreet, consensual extramarital relationships with likeminded people. I’m a happier person and therefore a better wife and partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you know basic psychology, its not hard to understand that among polyamorous, polygamous and swingers, some people have more power and others have to go along because they aren't the dominant ones.

If you know non-basic psychology, you understand that some men are super into the idea of their wives sleeping with other men.

And those men are probably the driving force behind their wives sleeping with other men.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in an open marriage. I've been doing this for twenty years. I don't relate to this. I accept that at some point my kids may find out but I'm trying a lot harder to avoid it. To the extent that it doesn't occur to anyone that I might be doing this because I'm a mother, great. I'm not asking for wider cultural validation, I'm not proselytizing, I just want to be left alone.

You're a rarity. Many poly people are so proud of it. So so proud.

While they spend so many hours in difficult conversations with partners, and not paying enough attention to their kids.

People say this, but I have NEVER had a poly couple tell me about their sex or romantic life. And I am open minded (even open to the idea of an open marriage), know a lot of people, and am generally outgoing and happy to talk to people about personal topics. No one has ever voluntarily raised this with me.

[Anonymous]

Call me old fashioned, but the only open marriage I’m willing to be in is if my husband is rich enough to keep a young mistress in a Paris apartment without me knowing.