How do you know if a man will make a good father?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A good father is also a good husband/partner. Does he proactively participate around the house when it's just you two? If he doesn't, and you find yourself doing most of the cooking, cleaning, housework...it won't get better when there's a kid.

Women think that if you are not a good husband then you are probably not a good father. It is not true. For women it’s either you are both a good husband and a good father or you are neither.

[Anonymous]

Strong executive functioning skills. Irresponsible people make terrible coparents.

Also do they willingly do tasks they don’t like or try to avoid and ignore them or act like they’re a martyr for doing one thing. A lot of parenting is unpleasant tasks or boring. You don’t get to push all the diaper changes and school runs on cold days off on someone else or avoid them and you don’t get a medal for doing it once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Rigidity of any kind (“stubborn streak”), nitpicking tendencies, unhappy childhood, lack of empathy, need to one up everyone, seeing compromising as “bending to someone’s will”, enmeshment issues with family of origin, being overly thrifty. Any kind of anxiety. Any kind of self-destructive behavior. Any kind of critical worldview (even self-directed critisism). These are huge red flags. Even if the trait is benign/mild pre-kids, it will amplify 100x with the stress of small children and can make you and kids miserable. A good boyfriend, travel mate, roommate can be a total nightmare as a partner.

Look for someone easy going, responsible and flexible, for whom having kids is very valuable and who is ok with the partner being in charge during initial infant stages.

Sometimes anxiety makes people BETTER. This is not a red flag. My DH has anxiety a d it made him take parenting classes and implement his learnings. He passed his anxiety on to our kids (it's genetic) and we produced 2 perfect straight A students who really are role models. Don't get me wrong perfectionism/anxiety comes with challenges, but often it produces BETTER results.

So, you welcome your kid’s mental illness because it improved their GPA???

Pretty messed up priorities there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are his parents like and what's his relationship with his parents like?

This seems to be the biggest predictor to me.

[Anonymous]

I think upbringing and relationship with his parents/family are the best predictor ahead of time. Beyond that, it comes down to:

(1) a man’s general contentment with himself and his life, not too much stress and
(2) how he feels about the children’s mother

#1 can relate a lot back to upbringing (getting life started on the right foot, mental health and support system etc go a long way) also somewhat applies to women/moms

#2 is sad but something you see over and over again- and explains the whole “treating the new stepkids better than his biokids after a divorce” thing. Sadly very common and generally does not apply to women/moms IME

A man’s parenting often changes very dramatically with his life circumstances IME.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most men will be good fathers. Men really love their children. My ex husband was a cheater and did not meet my emotional needs at all. However, the man is a fantastic father. He always put our kids first. He always make time for them. In fact the hardest hurdle during our divorce was about child custody. I have never seen him cry until he realizes that he won’t be seeing his children every single day of the week.

Wow. I truly wish I agreed with this but I have not found this to be true at all. Many good fathers out there, but they are the minority from what I have seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I watched him with his family, nieces and nephews and that was a good clue. On our wedding day I heard that early in the morning he was watching cartoons in bed with the little ones. His comfort level with kids was very special.

Fun!

[Anonymous]

Working mother and/or fairly equitable split of household and childcare duties

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NO ADDICTION. No addiction to drugs, drinking, smoking, sex, porn, video game, weapons, speeding etc.

Or golf

[Anonymous]

Make sure he’s not undiagnosed autistic/ADHD.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't. But, you can try and guess based on the type of personality he has.

1. Is he calm.
2. Does he think things through or does it react too quick.
3. Is he good around other kids.
4. Is he patient.
5. Is he smart in terms of knowing how to problem solve.
6. Is he responsible financially.
7. Does he have good interests and hobbies.

This. And is he kind, generous, patient, thoughtful?

[Anonymous]

If a man doesn't value, love and respect the person who birthed, nursed, fed, loved and raised him, he us unlikely to care for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do they have a pet? Look at how they treat the pet.

A pet is easy to control than a wife and they are always happy to see you. Wives are not like that. I thought this was a good indicator but it isn’t. It’s only a good indicator of how responsible they are.