3-Strike Rule Between Friends Too? Rude to Text Again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That hurts, I know. Sending you a big hug and hoping your new year is filled with deep friendships and love.

+1

I got ghosted by a friend this year, too, unexpectedly, and it still makes me sad. Focusing on other friendships has helped a ton. Hang in there.

+1
I’ve had this happen with 3 friends over the last 20 years. The first one was pre-iPhone so I didn’t text but called her weekly leaving messages. I let her know I missed her and to please let me know if I had done something wrong. Crickets. It hurt deeply as she was a very close friend at the time. We saw each other several times a month with our babies and had long phone calls multiple times a week. I spent too much time pursuing it and felt stupid and stalkerish in the end. Years later I determined it had zero to do with me. The 2nd time was with someone I had been friends with for 20 years and she was the mom of my son’s best friend. She did the slow fade which in some ways was more difficult because i was getting mixed messages. She would reply she was checking her schedule and then never get back to me. If she did, she’d give me a date and then cancel. The fact she occasionally responded made me feel like she was interested but I finally got the message. I stopped texting and haven’t heard from her in 2 years though oddly enough she comments on my FB posts to this day. The last one I dealt with better. We’d been friends a few years but COVID in 2020 canceled our last set of plans. She stopped texting and just to be sure she wasn’t experiencing a personal crisis I reached out but then let it go. I was proud of myself for moving on but I have to say it still hurts whenever I think of these friendships ending with no closure.

I feel sort of proud of you too, PP, for letting it go.
I also feel like three friends ghosting me—even over a period of twenty years—would have me doing a lot of re-evaluation of my own interactions. Is this really a thing that happens three separate times?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok thanks. I wasn’t sure if I should’ve sent the last text anyway. Yeah no response is a response at leader we had (at least I thought so) a good time when we meet up towards the end of summer. And I am sure I did nothing wrong to cause this. I’ll miss her she’s played such an important role in part of my life but need to make new friends soon haha.

PP, I ghosted almost everyone in my life the last few years and it is because I was terribly depressed. It didn’t mean I didn’t love them. I’m on team it’s okay to reach out. Just to let friend know you’re thinking of her and hope she’s well. Something without expectation of a reply.

Yes it’d make sense if she’s in the same boat as you were, but what if she’s just down with me plain and simple? Wouldn't this additional no-reply-needed text equally or more annoying than previous ones? Of course I don’t know for sure if she’s fine but chances are she is - she’s divorced but has been in a great LTR the last five years or so. If that’s going well still then she’s having a good life (better than mine haha)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The part about becoming friends through kids is what struck me. There are so many pitfalls when it comes to these friendships.

True but we’ve developed a solid connections beyond that the last several years. Kids are in college now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That hurts, I know. Sending you a big hug and hoping your new year is filled with deep friendships and love.

+1

I got ghosted by a friend this year, too, unexpectedly, and it still makes me sad. Focusing on other friendships has helped a ton. Hang in there.

+1
I’ve had this happen with 3 friends over the last 20 years. The first one was pre-iPhone so I didn’t text but called her weekly leaving messages. I let her know I missed her and to please let me know if I had done something wrong. Crickets. It hurt deeply as she was a very close friend at the time. We saw each other several times a month with our babies and had long phone calls multiple times a week. I spent too much time pursuing it and felt stupid and stalkerish in the end. Years later I determined it had zero to do with me. The 2nd time was with someone I had been friends with for 20 years and she was the mom of my son’s best friend. She did the slow fade which in some ways was more difficult because i was getting mixed messages. She would reply she was checking her schedule and then never get back to me. If she did, she’d give me a date and then cancel. The fact she occasionally responded made me feel like she was interested but I finally got the message. I stopped texting and haven’t heard from her in 2 years though oddly enough she comments on my FB posts to this day. The last one I dealt with better. We’d been friends a few years but COVID in 2020 canceled our last set of plans. She stopped texting and just to be sure she wasn’t experiencing a personal crisis I reached out but then let it go. I was proud of myself for moving on but I have to say it still hurts whenever I think of these friendships ending with no closure.

I feel sort of proud of you too, PP, for letting it go.
I also feel like three friends ghosting me—even over a period of twenty years—would have me doing a lot of re-evaluation of my own interactions. Is this really a thing that happens three separate times?

I thought the same thing, but couldn’t find a way to phrase it nicely. There is one common denominator in all three scenarios…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That hurts, I know. Sending you a big hug and hoping your new year is filled with deep friendships and love.

+1

I got ghosted by a friend this year, too, unexpectedly, and it still makes me sad. Focusing on other friendships has helped a ton. Hang in there.

+1
I’ve had this happen with 3 friends over the last 20 years. The first one was pre-iPhone so I didn’t text but called her weekly leaving messages. I let her know I missed her and to please let me know if I had done something wrong. Crickets. It hurt deeply as she was a very close friend at the time. We saw each other several times a month with our babies and had long phone calls multiple times a week. I spent too much time pursuing it and felt stupid and stalkerish in the end. Years later I determined it had zero to do with me. The 2nd time was with someone I had been friends with for 20 years and she was the mom of my son’s best friend. She did the slow fade which in some ways was more difficult because i was getting mixed messages. She would reply she was checking her schedule and then never get back to me. If she did, she’d give me a date and then cancel. The fact she occasionally responded made me feel like she was interested but I finally got the message. I stopped texting and haven’t heard from her in 2 years though oddly enough she comments on my FB posts to this day. The last one I dealt with better. We’d been friends a few years but COVID in 2020 canceled our last set of plans. She stopped texting and just to be sure she wasn’t experiencing a personal crisis I reached out but then let it go. I was proud of myself for moving on but I have to say it still hurts whenever I think of these friendships ending with no closure.

I feel sort of proud of you too, PP, for letting it go.
I also feel like three friends ghosting me—even over a period of twenty years—would have me doing a lot of re-evaluation of my own interactions. Is this really a thing that happens three separate times?

NP. You began your post so kindly snd then, perhaps due to your own fears or anxieties, attempted to blame the PP. Way to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That hurts, I know. Sending you a big hug and hoping your new year is filled with deep friendships and love.

+1

I got ghosted by a friend this year, too, unexpectedly, and it still makes me sad. Focusing on other friendships has helped a ton. Hang in there.

+1
I’ve had this happen with 3 friends over the last 20 years. The first one was pre-iPhone so I didn’t text but called her weekly leaving messages. I let her know I missed her and to please let me know if I had done something wrong. Crickets. It hurt deeply as she was a very close friend at the time. We saw each other several times a month with our babies and had long phone calls multiple times a week. I spent too much time pursuing it and felt stupid and stalkerish in the end. Years later I determined it had zero to do with me. The 2nd time was with someone I had been friends with for 20 years and she was the mom of my son’s best friend. She did the slow fade which in some ways was more difficult because i was getting mixed messages. She would reply she was checking her schedule and then never get back to me. If she did, she’d give me a date and then cancel. The fact she occasionally responded made me feel like she was interested but I finally got the message. I stopped texting and haven’t heard from her in 2 years though oddly enough she comments on my FB posts to this day. The last one I dealt with better. We’d been friends a few years but COVID in 2020 canceled our last set of plans. She stopped texting and just to be sure she wasn’t experiencing a personal crisis I reached out but then let it go. I was proud of myself for moving on but I have to say it still hurts whenever I think of these friendships ending with no closure.

I feel sort of proud of you too, PP, for letting it go.
I also feel like three friends ghosting me—even over a period of twenty years—would have me doing a lot of re-evaluation of my own interactions. Is this really a thing that happens three separate times?

I thought the same thing, but couldn’t find a way to phrase it nicely. There is one common denominator in all three scenarios…

I don’t se any red flags in PP’s post. She’s open and self-reflective and very measured in the way she talks about what happened. But I can’t say the same for you and PP, who were inclined towards unkindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, BTDT. What solved it for me was taking the other person on a surprise trip to Williamsburg VA for a tour of the historic area. We sat in silence the whole way there, not a single word exchanged. But once we got there and saw the people in costumes all that changed. We literally could not stop talking to one another. Problem solved.

How did you arrange a surprise weekend away with someone who didn't respond to you?

I’m envisioning a madcap kidnapping/buddy movie with a lot of slapstick humor. At some point, they end up in one of the horse costumes with front and and back ends of the horse.

😂 😂😂

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, BTDT. What solved it for me was taking the other person on a surprise trip to Williamsburg VA for a tour of the historic area. We sat in silence the whole way there, not a single word exchanged. But once we got there and saw the people in costumes all that changed. We literally could not stop talking to one another. Problem solved.

How did you arrange a surprise weekend away with someone who didn't respond to you?

PP but! I did not say it was a weekend. Who said it was a weekend? Where was the word weekend mentioned and by whom? I asked the friend who had been so silent to sit in my car, with full tank of gas in place and off we went to Williamsburg which is a place that can really heal people. Not sure why people are reacting to this particular memory as being problematic. If you don't get it, you'll have to forget it.

Did your husband start a “t-short” business, PP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is one common denominator in all three scenarios…

NP. What's the common denominator?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry, OP. That hurts, I know. Sending you a big hug and hoping your new year is filled with deep friendships and love.

+1

I got ghosted by a friend this year, too, unexpectedly, and it still makes me sad. Focusing on other friendships has helped a ton. Hang in there.

+1
I’ve had this happen with 3 friends over the last 20 years. The first one was pre-iPhone so I didn’t text but called her weekly leaving messages. I let her know I missed her and to please let me know if I had done something wrong. Crickets. It hurt deeply as she was a very close friend at the time. We saw each other several times a month with our babies and had long phone calls multiple times a week. I spent too much time pursuing it and felt stupid and stalkerish in the end. Years later I determined it had zero to do with me. The 2nd time was with someone I had been friends with for 20 years and she was the mom of my son’s best friend. She did the slow fade which in some ways was more difficult because i was getting mixed messages. She would reply she was checking her schedule and then never get back to me. If she did, she’d give me a date and then cancel. The fact she occasionally responded made me feel like she was interested but I finally got the message. I stopped texting and haven’t heard from her in 2 years though oddly enough she comments on my FB posts to this day. The last one I dealt with better. We’d been friends a few years but COVID in 2020 canceled our last set of plans. She stopped texting and just to be sure she wasn’t experiencing a personal crisis I reached out but then let it go. I was proud of myself for moving on but I have to say it still hurts whenever I think of these friendships ending with no closure.

I feel sort of proud of you too, PP, for letting it go.
I also feel like three friends ghosting me—even over a period of twenty years—would have me doing a lot of re-evaluation of my own interactions. Is this really a thing that happens three separate times?

I thought the same thing, but couldn’t find a way to phrase it nicely. There is one common denominator in all three scenarios…

I don’t se any red flags in PP’s post. She’s open and self-reflective and very measured in the way she talks about what happened. But I can’t say the same for you and PP, who were inclined towards unkindness.

DP - agreed. And I’m one who was ghosted this year, for maybe the first time ever by someone I considered a true friend. But I’m lucky - stuff happens, and three times over 20 years is understandable, especially since one happened in the context of the pandemic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Williamsburg can heal people? Why?

Omg. What?

Omg? oYg. Let's review gang. I happened to take a friend who was ghosting me left right and center on a sudden trip to Williamsburg VA. Although we didn't speak on the way down not one word when we got to the historic area, seeing all the people in costumes with candle making exhibits just changed everything. We literally could not stop talking. No more ghosting, problem solved. YMMV.

NP. Please explain in detail how you lured someone who wasn’t in contact with you into your car. Did you dangle a mojito in front of her on fishing line? Did you tell her that Jude Law was tied up in the trunk? I don’t understand how you go from zero contact with someone to they are sitting in your car. Please explain, step by step, I am begging you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Williamsburg can heal people? Why?

Omg. What?

Omg? oYg. Let's review gang. I happened to take a friend who was ghosting me left right and center on a sudden trip to Williamsburg VA. Although we didn't speak on the way down not one word when we got to the historic area, seeing all the people in costumes with candle making exhibits just changed everything. We literally could not stop talking. No more ghosting, problem solved. YMMV.

NP. Please explain in detail how you lured someone who wasn’t in contact with you into your car. Did you dangle a mojito in front of her on fishing line? Did you tell her that Jude Law was tied up in the trunk? I don’t understand how you go from zero contact with someone to they are sitting in your car. Please explain, step by step, I am begging you!

You’re the fool here. This person is trolling you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Williamsburg can heal people? Why?

Omg. What?

Omg? oYg. Let's review gang. I happened to take a friend who was ghosting me left right and center on a sudden trip to Williamsburg VA. Although we didn't speak on the way down not one word when we got to the historic area, seeing all the people in costumes with candle making exhibits just changed everything. We literally could not stop talking. No more ghosting, problem solved. YMMV.

NP. Please explain in detail how you lured someone who wasn’t in contact with you into your car. Did you dangle a mojito in front of her on fishing line? Did you tell her that Jude Law was tied up in the trunk? I don’t understand how you go from zero contact with someone to they are sitting in your car. Please explain, step by step, I am begging you!

You’re the fool here. This person is trolling you.

I think PP knows and does not care, because the troll is quite entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Bumping for more advice from the Williamsburg poster, it sounds like they have much wisdom to offer others. How do you handle a breakup, for instance? Do you take the person to Jamestown or Plymouth rock?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Bumping for more advice from the Williamsburg poster, it sounds like they have much wisdom to offer others. How do you handle a breakup, for instance? Do you take the person to Jamestown or Plymouth rock?

Not appracitating the attitude you seem to want to have. Williamsburg can heal people and it healed this ghosted friend and took things from silent to salient/ We are on the offs (in the outs) again but that's just January LOL> I will not respond.